


the gods split us in two

by glittermerm



Series: the myth of soulmates [1]
Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, College, Enemies to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Smut, excessive use of alcohol, implied suicidal ideation, mentions of child abuse, mentions of underage sex w age gap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:08:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 38,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23385016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glittermerm/pseuds/glittermerm
Summary: A purple haired man sits at the desk on one side of the room. His head pops up as Junhoe speaks, and he reaches over turning the music down.“Sorry,” he says. “Wasn’t expecting you so soon, a lot of people aren’t moving in until tomorrow. I’m Jiwon, but my friends call me Bobby,” he introduces himself.“Junhoe,” is the only answer he gets. His eyes drift upwards to the cross hanging on the wall. “Religious?” he asks, and it sounds more like an interrogation.Bobby bristles. “Yes, is that a problem?” he asks politely.“Only if it means you have a problem with me,” Junhoe says cooly.
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Series: the myth of soulmates [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1682047
Comments: 113
Kudos: 235





	1. Chapter 1

“I can’t believe Junhoe has to live in the dorms like a commoner,” Jinhwan laughs, lounging back against the seat of the car. Junhoe glowers at him in the mirror. Yunhyeong chuckles from the other side of the backseat. The driver stays quiet, turning onto the campus.

“Guess money can’t buy everything,” Yunhyeong adds. 

“I could buy you,” Junhoe retorts, eyes narrowing. Yunhyeong just flashes him a megawatt smile.

“Too bad the school wouldn’t let your dad buy us that bachelor’s pad,” Jinhwan sighs, adjusting his sunglasses as he looks out the window, at the campus rolling past them.

“We’re here, sir,” the driver says, pulling into a parking spot. An identical car pulls into the spot next to them, carrying the luggage of the three teenagers.

Junhoe says nothing, merely gets out of the car, and surveys the campus. Students scurry about, moving into their dorms. He sighs as Jinhwan and Yunhyeong exit the car. “Let’s get this over with,” he says, strutting towards their dorm. It’s the nicest dorm on the campus, but it’s nothing compared to what Junhoe is used to. 

They stop at Yunhyeong and Jinhwan’s room, Junhoe’s servants trailing behind them, carrying luggage into the room. Yunhyeong flops down on one of the beds, posing. Junhoe and Jinhwan roll their eyes in sync.

“This is pathetic. My dog’s house is bigger than these rooms,” Junhoe scowls. 

“Oh, how will you survive, living like us common folk,” Jinhwan asks sarcastically. 

“Remind me why I tolerate you?” Junhoe says, pressing on his temples.

“Because someone needs to keep your ridiculous ego in check. Anyway, get out of my room, you’ve got a roommate to meet,” Jinhwan says as the last of his stuff is carried in.

Yunhyeong wiggles his fingers in goodbye, and Junhoe shoots them one last look before turning and leaving. His own room is two floors up, and he heads up the stairs. His servants are already waiting outside his room with his belongings. Junhoe unlocks the door, and is met with blasting music.

“Jesus, what the fuck is that noise?” he says, stepping into the room.

A purple haired man sits at the desk on one side of the room. His head pops up as Junhoe speaks, and he reaches over turning the music down.

“Sorry,” he says. “Wasn’t expecting you so soon, a lot of people aren’t moving in until tomorrow.” He stares with curiosity at the people carrying Junhoe’s belongings into the room, and beginning to unpack it. He ignores the slight against his music and takes in the man standing before him. He’s tall, and carries an air of arrogance around him like a shield. 

“I’m Jiwon, but my friends call me Bobby,” he introduces himself.

“Junhoe,” is the only answer he gets. His eyes drift upwards to the cross hanging on the wall. “Religious?” he asks, and it sounds more like an interrogation. 

Bobby bristles. “Yes, is that a problem?” he asks politely. 

“Only if it means you have a problem with me,” Junhoe says cooly.

Bobby looks at him blankly for a moment, before it registers. “Oh,” he says, leaning back. 

“That’s what I thought,” Junhoe says. “And don’t get big headed, you’re not my type.”

Bobby splutters, and Junhoe turns and leaves. He makes his way back to Yunhyeong and Jinhwan’s room, barging in. The pair are unpacking, and stop when they see the look on his face.

“That bad?” Yunhyeong asks. 

“Oh no,” Junhoe says sarcastically. “I’ve got a good roommate.”

“So what’s the problem?” Jinhwan asks.

“He’s a good homophobic Christian boy,” Junhoe says drily, sitting at Jinhwan’s desk.

“Yikes, can you change rooms?” Yunhyeong asks.

“Let me just call my dad and ask his homophobic ass to get me away from my homophobic roommate,” Junhoe snorts.

“Okay, point. Well, just hang out with us and go there to sleep. We’ll make it through the semester together,” Yunhyeong says, patting Junhoe’s head.

Back in Junhoe’s room, Bobby muses on what just happened. It wasn’t that he had a problem with gay people, he had just been raised a different way. Still, he wasn’t fond of his roommate. He grabbed his phone, and sent a message to his group chat.

_ Bobby: Well the roommate arrived. _

His phone dings several times in succession.

_ Hanbin: And? _

_ Chanwoo: How is he? _

_ Donghyuk: What’s he like? _

Bobby sighs and taps out a reply.

_ Bobby: He’s a spoiled rich boy who I’ve already gotten on the wrong side of. _

_ Chanwoo: Shocking. _

_ Hanbin: You’ll smooth it over, that’s your specialty.  _

_ Donghyuk: ^ what he said, now come over, we’re getting drunk. _

Jiwon couldn’t argue with that. He turns his music off, shuts his laptop, and heads out, pushing Junhoe out of his mind for the time being.

  
  


Junhoe stops by his, thankfully empty, room long enough to change clothes, before dragging Jinhwan and Yunhyeong out clubbing. Classes don’t start for a few days yet, and Junhoe plans to make the most of it. He may have to live in a cramped ass dorm with a homophobic roommate, but he won’t let make him forget who he is. He’s Koo Junhoe, only son of one of the richest families in South Korea.

The club is still relatively empty when they get there. Junhoe had reserved them a table and they settle into it, several bottles of soju already waiting for them. They crack into them, playing stupid drinking games, until the club is packed with bodies. Junhoe orders a whiskey and sips on it as he observes the crowd.

“Anyone catch your eye?” Yunhyeong asks. His own eyes are following a strawberry blonde with an ass so round it should be illegal.

Junhoe’s gaze follows Yunhyeong, and he nudges him. “Go,” Junhoe says. “I’ll follow in a bit.”

Jinhwan’s gone by the time Junhoe turns around, and he spots him near the wall on the dance floor. He’s pinned against the wall by a man practically twice his size. Junhoe’s mind jumps to a meme he saw once of a tiny hamster eating a giant banana. He laughs to himself as he searches it up and sends it to their group chat. He knows Jinhwan won’t see it until later, and smirks.

Junhoe finishes his whiskey, and his eyes land on a foreigner, pale and spattered with freckles. He’s cute, and Junhoe sets his glass down, making his way over. The man is taller than him, and Junhoe has to tilt his head up slightly to look him in the eye.

“Dance?” Junhoe asks in English, and the man grins down at him.

“Sure,” he answers.

Junhoe takes his hand, and pulls him into the sea of bodies. They’re pressed together, bodies shifting with the crowd, moving with the music. The man is all muscle, and Junhoe runs his fingers over firm biceps. He’s not sure when they’d started kissing, the night moving in bits and pieces. He’s a good kisser, and Junhoe is lost in his lips. He groans when a hand rubs at his crotch, unaware before now how turned on he was.

“Want to get out of here?” the man asks, and Junhoe tilts his head, considering. 

“Can’t, I’m with friends,” he says, accent barely perceptible. The man looks disappointed, so Junhoe pulls him into another kiss. “Doesn’t mean I can’t show you a good time though,” he laughs, already pulling the man through the crowd. 

It’s warm in the alley, summer still in the air. He presses the man up against the wall, kissing him feverishly, as he undoes his belt. He feels hands in his hair, pressing him downwards, and he sinks to his knees.

  
  


He doesn’t see Yunhyeong or Jinhwan until nearly 3 am. The club is half empty now, and the three of them lounge on a couch in the vip section. Junhoe lays with his head in Yunhyeong’s lap. Yunhyeong plays with Junhoe’s hair, his own head tilted back to rest on the couch. 

A sudden snort has both their eyes popping open, and they look over at Jinhwan who has his phone in his hand. “You’re so crude, Junhoe,” he laughs, and it takes Junhoe a second to process, having finished off at least two more bottles of soju after coming back inside. 

“You’re just looking at your phone now?” Junhoe says. “What if there was an emergency?”

Jinhwan just rolls his eyes. “Come on boys, we should get back,” he says, standing up and pulling a whiny Junhoe to his feet. They stumble out to the street, hailing a taxi. They cram into the back seat, laughing and shoving each other. 

They trudge back to Jinhwan and Yunhyeong’s room, wobbling. They’ve sobered up a bit but they’re still tanked, and stairs are proving a formidable enemy.

Jinhwan sprawls across his bed, and Junhoe nudges him. “Move over,” he grumbles.

“You have your own room,” Jinhwan protests as Junhoe manhandles him into sharing the bed.

“Don’t remind me,” Junhoe grumbles, burying his face in Jinhwan’s chest. “Let me stay tonight.”

“Fine, for tonight, but I get to be the big spoon,” Jinhwan demands.

“Whatever,” Junhoe says, rolling over, and letting Jinhwan cuddle up to him. On the other side of the room Yunhyeong’s passed out face down on his bed. Junhoe snorts, but sleep quickly takes over him.

He hopes his two best friends will be enough to keep him sane through this year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my loves! it feels like it's been forever since I wrote a long fic. I'm really excited about this one, and I hope you love it!  
> Giant shout out to @slutjinhwan for beta reading and constantly supporting me, and Nata for shouting about how much she loves it. Couldn't do it without my babes.  
> As always, please feel free to find me on twitter @slutchanwoo


	2. Chapter 2

Jiwon heads out of his room, mind on alcohol and hanging out with his friends, celebrating the start of a new chapter in their lives. He moves along the campus, the warm air putting him in a good mood, and washing away any thoughts of his earlier conflict. He slips into another dorm building, climbing the three flights of stairs to Donghyuk and Chanwoo’s room.

He knocks, and the door swings open to reveal a laughing and clearly intoxicated Hanbin. He grabs Bobby in a hug and drags him into the room. Bobby plops on the floor where everyone’s gathered in a circle. 

“How many shots has he had?” Bobby asks, pulling Hanbin down to sit next to him. 

“Three,” Chanwoo says drily. 

“Fucking lightweight,” Bobby laughs.

“Oh whatever,” Hanbin says, grabbing a bottle and handing it to Bobby. “Catch up and tell us about your roommate.”

Bobby’s mood sours just slightly. “Well, he’s a douche with too much money for starters.” Bobby laughs. “You should have seen, he had servants swarming the room like ants, unpacking his stuff for him. Insufferable.” Bobby realizes he’s being mean, but he’s a bit miffed about the way Junhoe had acted. “How’s your roommate?” He asks Hanbin after he’s several shots in.

“He’s pretty cool. His name is Jinhyeong and he’s a music major. Didn’t talk to him long before I came over here, but I think we’ll get along,” Hanbin says, taking another shot. 

“That’s enough for you,” Donghyuk says, taking the bottle away from Hanbin as he hiccups. 

“No fair,” Hanbin pouts, before dramatically throwing himself across Chanwoo’s lap. “Save me Chanwoo, I’m being oppressed.”

Chanwoo rolls his eyes and shoves Hanbin off his lap. “I agree with Donghyuk,” he says as Hanbin breaks into a fit of giggles. 

It’s late when Bobby finally leaves. They’d ordered take out and talked late into the night as they drank. Bobby is tanked, and he stumbles across the campus. There’s no one out which he’s thankful for. He takes his time, the world spinning around his head as he walks. He stops once to dry heave into some bushes, but nothing comes out. 

He considers sleeping right there on the school’s lawn. It looks comfortable. His bed is probably comfortable, but the atmosphere of his room is not. He hopes Junhoe isn’t awake when he gets back, not ready for another confrontation. He should probably apologize and make an attempt at being friends, but he doesn’t really feel like it at the moment. Junhoe had insulted him, and he wasn’t going to be the first to apologize.

He finally makes it back to his room, fumbling with the key in the door. He swears when he drops it, and almost falls over bending to retrieve it. He finally makes it inside the room. He sighs, and tosses his keys on the desk. His eyes flit to Junhoe’s bed. It’s empty and unslept in. Jiwon wonders for half a second where he is, decides he doesn’t care, strips down to his boxers, and crawls in bed, knocking out in moments.

The next day dawns bright, too bright according to him and his hangover. Bobby whines, rolling over and burying his face in the pillow. He doesn’t want to get up, but he knows that he should. So, five minutes later he climbs out of bed, stumbling his way to the bathroom. He kicks his boxers off and hops in the shower, letting the hot water soothe his aching head. He scrubs himself clean before toweling off. 

He had planned to map out his classes that morning but all of his friends are still asleep, so he instead sets himself up at his computer. He plugs his headphones in and gets lost in the beats he creates. His head nods up and down, eyes closed as he listens. There’s nothing in life he’s more passionate about than music. He can feel it in every bone in his body. He finishes up the track, sending it over to Hanbin, wanting his input. 

It’s lunch time before he realizes he’s hungry. He has nothing in the dorm yet, so he makes his way to a convenience store on the outskirts of the campus. Donghyuk is there, arms loaded up with food. Bobby laughs as he joins him, grabbing food for himself. “Where’s everyone else?” he asks.

“Hanbin and Chanwoo are busy being hungover babies, so it was up to me to save the day,” Donghyuk answers, setting his hoard on the counter. Bobby adds his stuff, and hip checks Donghyuk aside so he can pay for it all. Donghyuk gives him a half hearted scowl but says nothing. They carry the bags back to Donghyuk’s room. Chanwoo is still planted in bed, his face buried in the pillow.

Hanbin isn’t in much better shape, Bobby swears he looks a little green. He sits on Donghyuk’s bed, slumped against the wall, eyes closed. 

“Bunch of babies, I swear,” Bobby says, shutting the door loudly just to watch the two flinch. Donghyuk shoves him a little and he laughs. “Get up, we have food.” That rouses Hanbin and Chanwoo. They drag themselves off the bed like zombies. They all settle on the floor and dig in, eating in comfortable silence. 

“What do you guys wanna do today?” Donghyuk asks through a mouthful of food. 

“I was planning on exploring with Bobby,” Chanwoo says, wiping his mouth. “Find out where classes are and stuff before we start on Monday.”

“Mm, good idea,” Donghyuk says.

They finish up and head out into the hot afternoon. They’re all feeling better at that point, and the beautiful day lifts their moods. The campus is beautiful and sprawling, and they explore every building they have access to, and map out the best places to hang out outside. They’re feeling giddy with themselves, celebrating a new chapter in their life. They’re almost looking forward to classes starting.

They find the canteen for dinner, grabbing food and claiming a booth in the corner of the large room. 

“So, we ready for classes in two days?” Chanwoo asks, slurping his noodles.

“As ready as I’m ever gonna be,” Hanbin says, poking at his own food.

“We’re gonna run this place before long,” Bobby says, clapping Donghyuk on the shoulder.

“Come down from the clouds Bobby,” Donghyuk laughs. “We’re just a bunch of freshmen.”

“You dream too small my friend, too small,” Bobby chides.

They all laugh and lapse back into comfortable silence. 

They part ways after dinner, promising to meet up tomorrow, and Bobby heads back to his room. It’s still empty, and he wonders for a moment where Junhoe is, but decides it’s none of his business. He settles in, finishes unpacking, and gets back to making music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two is here! I decided since this is going to be a loooooong fic, and I don't want to take forever to post it, I'll be posting twice a week on Sundays and Wednesdays!  
> Many thanks again to Skye and Nata


	3. Chapter 3

Classes start on Monday. Junhoe groans as his alarm clock goes off, slamming his hand on top of it to snooze it. He buries his face in his pillow, desperate for ten more minutes of sleep, as if that’s somehow going to make up for a weekend of binge drinking.

He reluctantly rolls out of his bed, frowning as he shifts to vertical. Jiwon is still asleep on the other side of the room, oblivious to his own alarm going off. Junhoe wonders if he should wake him up, before deciding it’s Jiwon’s own problem. 

He shuffles to the bathroom, turning the shower to blazing hot. He scrubs himself clean and wipes the sleep out of his eyes. He drowns himself in the water, not wanting to ever leave. But his phone chimes, telling him it’s time to get out and get ready for class. Reluctantly he towels off and pulls on his outfit for the day, taking the time to study himself in the mirror. He knows he looks good, but it’s always better to check. 

He makes his way back into the room to grab his book bag and shoes. Jiwon has finally woken up, his hair is a messy mop of purple on top of his head, and his face is sleep swollen as he sits up in bed, looking confused. Clearly he’s also not a morning person. 

“Morning,” Jiwon mumbles.

“Morning,” Junhoe says stiffly. It’s the first words they’ve exchanged since their first encounter. They stare at each other awkwardly for a moment, before Junhoe clears his throat. “I’ll go first,” he says, slipping his shoes on and out the door. 

His first class is boring as hell. His father had wanted him to major in business so he could take over the family business one day. This class was an introduction to things Junhoe had been learning since he was young. He sits in the back and half heartedly takes notes, mostly doodling in the margins of his notebook. Thankfully the class is only 50 minutes. Unfortunately, it’s three times a week. He escapes the classroom with a grateful sigh.

His next two classes aren’t much better, and he’s frustrated by the time he’s done for the day. He’d scheduled all his classes in the morning so he’d have the afternoon free. He mildly regrets it, but he’s also thankful for the break. He grabs some food from the canteen, scarfing it down before heading back to his room, and settling in to work on his classwork.

  
  


Jiwon hates mornings, mornings hate Jiwon. It’s just a fact of life. His vision is blurry as he blinks into consciousness. He sits up, blankets still pulled tight around him. He dozes in that position until the sound of the bathroom door shutting makes him open his eyes. Junhoe stands in front of him, well, the door at any rate.

“Morning,” he says without thinking. Junhoe’s expression looks pained when he replies, and he quickly flees. Jiwon sighs and falls back into the bed. If he can’t work some kind of relationship out with Junhoe it’s going to be an awful year. They may not see eye to eye but he still wants them to be amicable. He sets his alarm for another fifteen minutes and allows himself to drift. Junhoe’s face fills his mind as his brain sits somewhere between asleep and awake.

His alarm rings, startling him. He pops back up, and climbs out of bed. He showers and dresses before heading out, curly hair messy and backpack slung over one shoulder. He’s the polar opposite of Junhoe, outfit almost as ruffled as his hair. But he carries his confidence differently than him. Junhoe is cold and arrogant, Bobby’s confidence presents in the easy way he walks, and the genuine smile on his face. 

Bobby loves his classes. He doesn’t really need to be in an intro to music class, he’s been making music since he was 13, but the teacher is really nice and enthusiastic, and he likes her immediately. She seems young, probably only a few years out of college herself. Class flies by and she dismisses them with a smile.

The day flies by and after his last class he returns to the dorms. Junhoe is passed out on his bed, book open on his chest. It’s honestly kind of adorable, but Bobby buries that thought somewhere deep and dark where he doesn’t have to think about it. 

Since music seems to be out of the question, he decides he might as well nap too. He wasn’t given any work, all of his classes just going over the syllabus and starting the basics. It had been an easy day, and lunch with his friends had been nice. He crawls in bed, collapsing on top of the covers. The aircon is going but it’s still warm in the room. He wraps his arms around the pillow and knocks out.

Junhoe wakes up first. He curses at himself for having fallen asleep. “Should have gone to the fucking library,” he mumbles as he rubs his eyes. He knows better than to read in bed. He’s never been able to do it without falling asleep. But thankfully he was barely out for an hour, he hasn’t lost much time. He’s already swamped with work, and though most of it is easy, he can’t fall behind already. He glowers, angry with himself, and swings his legs over the edge of the bed.

That’s when he sees Jiwon, curled up on his bed, fast asleep. He stands up, and takes a step towards the other’s bed, trying to see what he’s holding. It’s a little winnie the pooh doll. It’s clearly old and well loved. Junhoe can see places where it’s been stitched back together. Junhoe wishes he had something he treasured that much. He thinks of how clinical his childhood was, how detached his parents were from his entire existence. The endless circuit of nannies and servants had left him without anyone to cherish him.

“Why do you look so sad?” Jiwon asks, scaring the hell out of Junhoe. He jumps, slipping and falling hard on his ass. He swears. “Also, why were you standing over my bed?” Jiwon asks, with genuine curiosity in his voice.

“Sorry,” Junhoe says, ignoring the first question. “I was looking at your bear. Didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“You didn’t,” Jiwon says sitting up. He still holds the bear, clutching it against his chest. “This is Pooh,” he says. “My brother gave him to me when I was born, and he’s been my best friend ever since. I know it sounds childish.” Jiwon says, with a self conscious shrug.

“It doesn’t,” Junhoe says, pulling himself up off the floor. “It’s good that you have something to treasure.” He turns his back on Jiwon as he walks to his bed, gathering up his books. “Anyway, I should go.” He flees the room quickly.

He doesn’t get as much work done at the library as he wants to. Jinhwan and Yunhyeong sit next to him, chattering. He has headphones in so he can’t hear them, but his mind keeps wandering back to Jiwon. He wants to hate him, for his religion, for his bigotry. But Jiwon hasn’t shown any of that. He changes in the bathroom, but that’s the worst thing he’s done in the few days Junhoe has known him. So far though, Jiwon seems like a nice person, and he hates him for it.

The week flies by and before anyone realizes it, it’s Friday night. Jinhwan’s been invited to some seedy party, and he drags Junhoe and Yunhyeong along with him.

“Seriously?” Junhoe deadpans as they descend a set of steps into a basement. It’s typical college housing, meaning it looks like it could collapse at any moment, killing them all. Junhoe is not thrilled.

“Can’t you act like a carefree college student for one night?” Jinhwan asks, pouring himself a cup of beer from a keg. Junhoe can’t help but feel like he’s in a stupid American movie. He sighs and takes a cup from Jinhwan, and passes one over to Yunhyeong as well.

The basement fills up quickly. People shout to each other to be heard over the boom of the speakers. Junhoe is over it, but Yunhyeong seems to be having fun at least, as he spots one of his new classmates and disappears to talk to her.

“ _ Who  _ is that?” Jinhwan shouts in his ear, standing on his tippy toes. Junhoe follows Jinhwan’s gaze and very visibly cringes. Jiwon and his friends are standing on the other side of the room, looking comfortable. Junhoe envies how easily they fit it, but he also wants to leave immediately.

“The purple haired one is Jiwon,” Junhoe says tilting his head down. 

“Not him, though interesting. The one to his left,” Jinhwan says back.

“I don’t know. One of his friends, I assume,” Junhoe says, and Jinhwan is already leaving him behind, winding through bodies to the other side of the room. He touches the mystery boy on the shoulder, and flashes him a charming smile. They talk for a moment, and Junhoe wants to kill Jinhwan when he gestures at him, and five pairs of eyes turn to look at him. He sighs, and Jinhwan gestures him over.

“Jinhwan,” he says, subtly pinching his arm. Jinhwan jerks away. “Jiwon,” he adds.

“Hi,” Bobby says awkwardly. 

“Well, you two have met already,” Jinhwan says. “But this is Hanbin,” he says, gesturing to the boy he’d asked Junhoe about. “And this is Donghyuk and Chanwoo.” Junhoe gives them a forced smile, while looking for exit routes. He recognizes the same expression on Jiwon’s face. He feels a hand on his back, and looks over. 

“And here’s our Yunhyeongie,” Jinhwan says. Yunhyeong keeps a comforting hand on Junhoe’s back as Jinhwan introduces them all to him. Junhoe isn’t sure if it’s because Jiwon is here or if it’s to keep him from throttling Jinhwan.

Junhoe excuses himself when Jinhwan and Hanbin disappear to get more alcohol for the group. He claims he’s going to the toilet but he steps out of the house into the warm night. He downs a full cup of cheap beer before sitting down on the porch steps. He sighs and scrubs a hand over his face.

He doesn’t like his friends mingling with Jiwon’s. He already sees Jiwon more than he wants to. He could strangle Jinhwan for thinking with his dick. He makes up his mind that he’s not going back, and pulls out his phone. 

_ Junhoe: I’m leaving, I’m tired _

_ Jinhwan: Party pooper _

_ Yunhyeong: I’ll take care of Jinhwan _

_ Junhoe: Don’t let him fuck Hanbin _

_ Jinhwan: He’s straight :’( _

_ Junhoe: When has that stopped you from trying? _

Junhoe stands up, laughing as Jinhwan sends him the middle finger emoji. He calls one of his drivers to pick him up, and heads out to the street to meet him a few minutes later. He settles into the back seat and directs the driver to the bar he wants to go to.

He steps out of the car, and into the bar. The hostess greets him right away. “Mr. Koo, it’s been awhile, welcome back.” He struggles to recall her name and can’t. 

“It’s been a busy few months,” he says instead. He’s been coming to this bar long before he could legally drink. His father would bring him to meet his business clients, and they had no problem giving drinks to a teenage Junhoe. He always marveled how the richer you were the more you get away with. 

He takes a seat at the bar, and drums his fingers against the wood as he waits for the bartender to finish up at the other end. He turns his head when someone slides into the seat next to him. It’s an older man, probably in his forties. 

“Can I buy you a drink?” The man asks. Junhoe keeps his scowl hidden. 

“You can,” he says. “But you’re not getting anything out of it, so try your luck somewhere else.” The man takes the not so subtle hint and disappears. Junhoe orders a whiskey, and sips at it. He orders drinks in rapid succession, not happy until the world blurs when he blinks and spins around him. He stumbles out of the bar, not bothering to call his driver. He passes a liquor store and buys another bottle of whiskey, carrying it back to campus with him.

Jiwon is in the room when he gets back. He looks like he’s just gotten ready for bed, dressed in an oversized t-shirt and boxers.

“You’re drunk,” he says as a way of greeting.

“No shit,” Junhoe says, too drunk to have a filter.

“Jinhwan said you left because you were tired,” Jiwon says, climbing into his bed. 

“And I lied because I didn’t want to be there. What’s it to you?” Junhoe says defensively. Jiwon raises his hands in surrender.

Junhoe strips where he is, down to just his briefs, and crawls into bed. Jiwon looks away, uncomfortable.

“You know, your friends are a lot nicer than you,” Jiwon says peevishly, but Junhoe is already snoring softly. Jiwon looks at the bottle of whiskey on the desk, and shakes his head. Junhoe is a mystery he thinks he’ll never figure out. He wonders if he even wants to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, here's chapter 3! sorry i don't have any fun anecdotes this week. please leave me a comment if you like it, it encourages me to write fast ;)


	4. Chapter 4

The days begin to turn into weeks. Junhoe and Jiwon have found a balance. They don’t ignore each other per say, but they don’t go out of their way to engage. The atmosphere in their room is comfortable. They can’t see the future in front of them, the way their worlds are about to change and collide.

“Bobby,” Hanbin says one day when they’re alone in the quad, laying in the grass. It’s a crisp fall day, and they stare up at the leaves that are beginning to change in color.

“What is it?” Bobby asks, when he hears the serious undertones in Hanbin’s voice. 

“Can I talk to you about something?” Hanbin asks, sounding nervous. 

“Of course you can Bin, we’re best friends,” Bobby says, reassuringly. 

Hanbin twists his fists in his hoodie. “You love me right?” Hanbin asks.

At this Bobby sits up. “You know I do. Hanbin, what’s wrong?” 

Hanbin sits up as well. He looks nervous and uncertain. “It’s just that,” he trails off, and Bobby waits for him to continue. “It’s a sensitive topic,” he says.

“Just tell me,” Bobby says. He can’t for his life imagine what’s got Hanbin so worked up.

Hanbin runs a hand through his hair, messing up his curls. “I think I have a crush,” he says. Bobby’s about to laugh when Hanbin continues. “On a guy.” And Bobby gets it now.

“Oh,” is his first reaction. He’s stumped in a way he’s never been before. “How do you know?” is the only thing he can think to ask.

“I don’t know. It’s just, when I spend time with him, it makes me really happy. In a different way than spending time with you and the guys does,” Hanbin says. “He’s kind and sweet, and I feel drawn to him, and I think about kissing him and it doesn’t feel bad to me.”

Bobby sits silently. Hanbin lets him process. The silence drags on, and Hanbin worries at his lip with his teeth.

“Jiwon?” he asks softly. That gets Bobby’s attention. Hanbin never calls him by his birth name.

“Is he good to you?” Bobby asks softly, and Hanbin nods. 

“I think he likes me too,” Hanbin says, eyes on his hands as he nervously fists them in his sweatshirt. 

“Can I ask who it is?” Bobby asks carefully.

“Jinhwan, Junhoe’s friend,” Hanbin whispers, like saying it outloud might make the tension in the air snap.

That truly dumbfounds Bobby. He remembers Jinhwan from a party a month ago, and he’s seen him in passing a few times with Junhoe, but he didn’t realize Hanbin had still been talking to him.

“Do you hate me?” Hanbin asks, voice cracking. Bobby doesn’t hesitate. He grabs Hanbin by the hoodie, and drags him into a hug so tight neither is sure who’s hanging on to who.

“I could never hate you, Hanbin. Never. You’re my brother, my best friend. This doesn’t change a thing,” Bobby says, and he can feel Hanbin’s tears, hot against his neck, and curses himself for making Hanbin feel like he could ever be abandoned. He feels like a piece of shit, and he holds Hanbin tighter.

“He better treat you well, or I’ll kick his ass,” he says, and Hanbin laughs weakly against his shoulder. 

Hanbin pulls away, sitting back. He sniffs and wipes his face on his sleeve. 

“I love you Bin. I promise,” Bobby says. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t safe around me.”

Hanbin takes Bobby’s hand in his. “I love you too.”

  
  


Junhoe is at his desk when Bobby gets back that afternoon. He has his headphones in and is concentrating hard on some assignment. Bobby should be doing his own work, but he’s too frazzled to think straight. He paces the room, until Junhoe finally looks up, and pulls his earbuds out.

“What is wrong with you?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” Jiwon admits. “I just kind of got my world rocked a little bit and I don’t know what it means.”

“Right,” Junhoe says. “Well if you could channel that energy into something less distracting, I’d appreciate it.” He puts his earbuds back in, and goes back to the page he was writing on.

Jiwon stares at him for a moment. He forgets sometimes that Junhoe is a giant asshole. He sits at his own desk and tries to get some work done. He plugs his earbuds in, and blasts music as he works on his assignments, though he gets little done.

  
  


The next afternoon Jinhwan drags Yunhyeong and Junhoe to a bar off campus. He buys them a round of shots, and they down them together. Junhoe opens up a tab and they order more drinks. 

“What’s the occasion?” Junhoe asks, as though he needs an excuse to be drunk in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon.

Jinhwan gives them a grin. “Your boy is officially cuffed,” he says, beaming proudly.

Yunhyeong practically shouts, drawing looks from other patrons. “Who is it?” he asks excitedly.

“It’s about time. You’ve been sneaking around for long enough,” Junhoe says drily. 

Jinhwan shoots Junhoe a look. “I am a master of stealth,” he argues.

“Yes, because ditching us constantly because you supposedly have homework wasn’t conspicuous at all,” Junhoe shoots back.

“Anyway,” Yunhyeong interrupts before Jinhwan and Junhoe can start bickering. “You didn’t answer my question. Who is it?”

Jihwan shoots a nervous glance at Junhoe at that, and Junhoe narrows his eyes, waiting for the answer. 

“You guys remember Hanbin, right?” He asks.

“The guy from that party?” Yunhyeong asks.

“Tell me you’re not talking about Jiwon’s Hanbin,” Junhoe says at the same time.

Jinhwan flushes. “Yes, and yes that Hanbin,” he says defensively.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Junhoe exclaims.

“No. I’m very serious, and I get that you’re upset, but that’s not going to change anything,” Jinhwan says.

“I thought he was straight?” Yunhyeong asks. 

“Yeah, I think he was a bit surprised too,” Jinhwan says with a laugh as he throws back a shot. 

Junhoe glowers. “And how do you think Jiwon is going to react to this?” he asks, voice acidic.

“Hanbin already talked to Jiwon about it,” Jinhwan says. “He says he’s fine with it and everything went smoothly.” He shrugs.

Junhoe pinches the bridge of his nose. “I hate you, I really do.”

“What he means is that we’re happy for you. A little confused and apprehensive, but happy,” Yunhyeong butts in.

Junhoe says nothing, just downs his whiskey in one go. Jinhwan shoots him a look but also holds his tongue. Yunhyeong’s just glad he’s sitting between them. It would hardly be the first time the two came to blows in a public place.

They lapse into silence as they drink, and if Junhoe drinks a little too much, no one comments.

  
  


It’s mid evening when Jiwon hears a knock on the door to his room. Curious, he gets up from his desk and opens the door. It’s Junhoe and his friends. 

“Hi?” Jiwon says, confused why Junhoe didn’t just unlock the door. Then he gets overpowered with the smell of alcohol. “Ah,” he says.

Junhoe tilts, and Yunhyeong props him upright. 

“Here you go,” Jinhwan says, shoving Junhoe a little roughly towards Jiwon. “Your problem now.” He turns and walks away, still irritated with Junhoe.

Yunhyeong gives Jiwon an apologetic smile. “Sorry,” he says. 

Together they drag Junhoe into the room, guiding him to sit on his bed. Jiwon stands near his own bed and watches as Yunhyeong crouches in front of Junhoe.

“You okay, buddy?” Yunhyeong asks. 

“I hate all of you,” Junhoe says. His eyes lock on Jiwon. “Especially you.”

Jiwon raises an eyebrow. “And what exactly did I do this time?” he asks. 

“You let Hanbin date Jinhwan and didn’t even tell me!” he exclaims.

“Wait, they’re actually dating now?” Jiwon asks, confused.

“Ah, so you didn’t know either. This is awkward,” Yunhyeong says with a nervous laugh. “Seems like we’ve all been left in the dark.”

Junhoe curls up on his bed as the world spins around him, and Yunhyeong stands up, and turns to Jiwon. “He’s a little upset, give him a while.”

“What is he upset about?” Jiwon asks, confused. “Shouldn’t he be happy for his best friend?”

Yunhyeong grimaces. “Junhoe is complicated. His life isn’t as great as it seems, but it’s really not my place to tell his story. But maybe you two should talk when he wakes up,” Yunhyeong says.

Jiwon nods, still confused. Yunhyeong leaves, and Jiwon sits on his bed, bewildered by what just happened. He looks over at Junhoe, who isn’t asleep. He’s glaring at nothing in particular.

“So why are your panties in a twist, dude?” Jiwon asks him. Junhoe struggles to sit up, and Jiwon lets him, watching. 

“Because you’re a prick and Jinhwan is dating one of your friends.”

Jiwon hums, used to Junhoe’s opinion of him. “You know, when Hanbin came to me and told me he liked a guy, I didn’t know what to think. It goes against everything I’ve believed my whole life. But I realized that the people I love are more important than that. And that maybe some of my beliefs are wrong and contradict how I really feel. So I told Hanbin the truth, that I’ll always be by his side, and that I’m happy for him, because he’s happy, and that’s what matters. It doesn’t seem like Jinhwan got that from you. So I would think long and hard about which one of us is a prick, Junhoe.” Jiwon stands, grabbing his keys, and slipping his feet into a pair of shoes. 

“Where are you going?” Junhoe asks.

“To get food. I’ll bring you something,” Jiwon says, leaving before Junhoe can respond. 

Junhoe wasn’t going to respond anyway, lost in thought. He hates that Jiwon is right. He hasn’t been a good friend. He grabs his phone.

_ Junhoe: sorry _

_ Jinhwan: seen. _

_ Junhoe: I’m serious _

_ Jinhwan: fine. _

_ Junhoe: I’m sorry for being a prick, it’s a me thing, you know that, and you know i want you to be happy _

_ Jinhwan: I know, now please take your drunk self to bed _

When Jiwon gets back, Junhoe is knocked out, curled up in a ball in the middle of his bed. Jiwon shakes his head, and pulls the covers over him, and leaves the food he got him on his bedside table, along with some painkillers for his inevitable hangover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's all congratulate the happy couple ^^


	5. Chapter 5

Something changes between Jiwon and Junhoe after that night. Junhoe hates Jiwon less. He hates him a little on principle, but also starts to find out he’s a pretty decent guy.

It’s a Friday night with nothing to do, and Junhoe is bored out of his skull. He’s been doing classwork all afternoon, and he’s almost finished with the entire weekend’s worth of work. Jinhwan and Yunhyeong both have plans and he doesn’t feel like going clubbing without them.

“Junhoe!” Jiwon says, bursting into the room. Junhoe raises an eyebrow but rolls his chair around to look at the man. “I found a way onto the roof. Come on.”

It sounds against the rules, and Junhoe is in. He’s slipping on shoes and sees the whiskey bottle he’d bought what feels like ages ago, and decides to grab it. He follows Jiwon curiously. 

Jiwon leads him to the door at the end of the hallway, turning the handle.

“Wasn’t that locked?” Junhoe asks. 

“I picked it?” Jiwon says innocently, and Junhoe shakes his head, but follows Jiwon anyway. Behind the door is a staircase leading to the roof. 

“Isn’t that an emergency alarm?” Junhoe asks.

“It’s deactivated,’ Jiwon says with a small shrug of his shoulders.

“Let me guess,” Junhoe starts.

“Yes, yes, talk about it later, come on,” Jiwon says, pulling Junhoe through the door, and onto the roof.

“Who knew you were into criminal activities,” Junhoe says, amused as he walks across the roof. He peers over the edge, and quickly steps back. Jiwon laughs, and sits near the middle of the roof, far from the edge. Junhoe joins him, plopping down next to him. Their knees bump. 

It’s a cool night, winter is on the horizon. Junhoe shivers. “Shit, we should have brought blankets or something,” he says. Jiwon just scoots over until they’re pressed against each other.

“Open that whiskey and we won’t need blankets,” he laughs. Junhoe rolls his eyes, but opens the bottle, takes a swig and passes it to Jiwon. 

They hand it back and forth until the bottle is empty, and drunkenly lay back, staring up at the starless sky, the lights of Seoul too bright.

“You know, I don’t know that much about you,” Jiwon says. 

“So?” Junhoe says, and Jiwon elbows him.

“Fine,” Junhoe answers. “What do you want to know?”

“Tell me about your parents,” Jiwon says.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Junhoe says with a bitter laugh. “They’ve never had the time for me. I just do what they tell me to. I’m pretty sure my mother resents me for existing, and my dad only remembers I exist when investors are around. He expects me to take over some day, but I don’t think that’ll ever happen. He thinks I’m useless, and he’s probably right.”

Jiwon frowns and rolls on his side so he’s facing Junhoe. “He’s wrong. You’re not useless at all. I’ve only known you a few months and I can see that. You’re so smart, you kick ass in all your classes. You care about your friends so much. You’ve taught me a lot,” Jiwon says seriously. “If your parents think that, then it’s sad and it’s their loss, and you deserve better than that.”

Junhoe doesn’t answer. He can feel tears pricking in his eyes, and doesn’t trust himself to speak at the moment. He’s only ever had Jinhwan and Yunhyeong since he was little. He’d never been very good at making friends, too sarcastic and occasionally cruel. And here he was, 19 years old and feeling for all the world like he wasn’t good enough. 

And along came Jiwon, who he’d hated so much at first. He never thought they’d be spending the night laying on a roof together, never thought he’d spill all his secrets to him. Never thought he’d consider him a  _ friend _ .

“Junhoe,” Jiwon says softly, wiping a tear from Junhoe’s cheek. Junhoe can feel the heartbreak in his voice. He hates being pitied, but it doesn’t feel like pity coming from Jiwon. “Junhoe, shh, it’s okay,” Jiwon whispers, leaning down, his lips pressing lightly against Junhoe’s. 

Something primal awakens in Junhoe, and he kisses Jiwon back, his hand coming up to cup his cheek. He pulls him in closer, kissing him again. Jiwon shifts, one arm on each side of Junhoe, and Junhoe shifts so he’ll be more comfortable. They kiss slow and sweet, losing themselves in each other. 

Anxiety suddenly pools in Junhoe’s gut, and he pulls away, scrambling back from Jiwon. “We shouldn’t be doing this,” he says, stumbling to his feet, putting distance between them.

Jiwon looks lost. “Junhoe,” he says.

“No. No, I’m not doing this. You’re drunk and don’t really want this.” His laugh sounds half manic. “Fuck, fuck. I don’t need your pity Jiwon,” he snarls, before turning on his heel and fleeing from the roof.

Jiwon sits there, lost. He touches a finger to his mouth, the phantom of Junhoe’s kiss still on his lips. His thoughts are fragmented, whiskey still heavy in his body. Did he want it? He’s not sure. He’s the one who initiated it. He doesn’t feel disgusted, which surprises him. He just feels sad.

  
  


Yunhyeong is woken by banging on his door. “Coming,” he shouts, stumbling out of bed. He opens the door to find a drunken Junhoe pacing a stretch of hallway.

“Junhoe?” he asks, confused.

“Can I come in?” Junhoe asks. 

“Of course, come on,” Yunhyeong says, stepping back. There are tears on Junhoe’s face, and he’s frantic. Yunhyeong sits him down on Jinhwan’s empty bed, crouching in front of him. “What happened?” he asks, but Junhoe just shakes his head, hiccuping on a sob. Yunhyeong stands up, gets a glass of water, and makes Junhoe drink it.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Yunhyeong asks, and Junhoe shakes his head. “Okay, well lay down and get some sleep at least. Jinhwan won’t be back tonight, and I know he won’t mind.” Junhoe is too weak and drunk to fight Yunhyeong as he tucks him in. He buries his face in Jinhwan’s pillow and cries, until Yunhyeong rubbing his back puts him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀🙈  
> Also! New posting schedule! Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday!


	6. Chapter 6

“If you’re going to keep crashing here, you’re gonna have to tell me what happened with you and Jiwon,” Yunhyeong says. It’s been four days and Junhoe’s barely spoken, spending most of his time outside of class brooding.

“How do you know it has anything to do with Jiwon?” Junhoe asks, not looking up from his homework.

“Because you won’t go back to your room unless you know he’s not there,” Jinhwan pipes in from his bed. “Really Junhoe, subtlety is not your strong point.”

“It doesn’t matter what happened. I just need a break from him, that’s all,” Junhoe says defensively.

“So that’s why you showed up drunk and crying at 2 in the morning?” Jinhwan asks sarcastically. 

“Shut up, you weren’t even here,” Junhoe snaps. Yunhyeong opens his mouth to stop them from arguing, but a knock on the door freezes them all in place.

“I’m not getting that,” Junhoe says. 

Jinhwan rolls his eyes, and climbs off his bed. He opens the door and makes a surprised noise. 

“Babe! I wasn’t expecting you,” he says, wrapping his arms around Hanbin’s neck and pulling him in for a kiss. Hanbin wraps his arms around Jinhwan’s waist and kisses him back.

“Okay kids, that’s enough,” Junhoe says. 

“Bitter, party of one,” Jinhwan says as he pulls away. Junhoe cringes and Jinhwan doesn’t miss it.

He pulls Hanbin into the room, shutting the door behind him. They sit on Jinhwan’s bed, and Hanbin throws a glance at Junhoe. 

“Okay, what is going on? If someone doesn’t tell me soon, I’m about to get all up in everyone’s business,” Jinhwan says demandingly.

“You don’t know?” Hanbin says, mouth a little circle.

“You do?” Jinhwan exclaims.

“Ah, maybe I should go,” Hanbin says. 

“No!” Jinhwan and Yunhyeong exclaim at the same time. Junhoe is sitting at Jinhwan’s desk, head buried in his arms.

“If Junhoe didn’t tell you I’m sure he has his reasons,” Hanbin says, trying to get out of the situation.

“Stupid reasons, so tell us,” Jinhwan prompts. But Hanbin just shakes his head.

“Junhoe,” he says softly. Junhoe peeks up at him. “Bobby says he’s not sorry and please come talk to him.”

Junhoe’s expression tightens. He stands up, abandoning his work, and stomps out of the room. “Fucking tell them, I don’t care,” he shouts over his shoulder.

Earlier that day Bobby had texted Hanbin that he needed to talk to him. When Hanbin had arrived at Bobby’s room, he hadn’t expected to find him looking like a frazzled mess. His eyes are red, and he’s pacing, wringing his hands.

“Woah, Bobby, man, what’s up?” Hanbin asks, rushing forward. He wraps Bobby in a hug, and Bobby buries his face in Hanbin’s shoulder, mumbling something. “What was that?” Hanbin asks, sitting them both down on Bobby’s bed.

“I fucked up, royally,” Bobby says, locking eyes with Hanbin. 

“Okay, it can’t be that bad, what did you do?” Hanbin asks.

“I kissed Junhoe,” he blurts out, looking like he wishes he could snatch the words back out of the air.

“Oh,” is all Hanbin can think to say for a moment. “Okay, let’s think this through. It’s not that bad. Tell me what happened.”

So Bobby does, telling him about the rooftop, and the urge to kiss Junhoe and how it had gone south. Hanbin wraps his arms around Bobby in a comforting gesture as he talks. Bobby is shaking and Hanbin hates it, wants to protect him.

“I don’t know what to do, I’ve fucked up everything.”

“You didn’t, you didn’t,” Hanbin says. “Let me ask you something.”

Bobby hmms in acknowledgment. 

“Do you regret it?” Hanbin asks, and that stops Bobby in his tracks. 

“No,” he says carefully.

“Then you didn’t fuck anything up. You’re scared, it’s okay. I was scared the first time Jinhwan kissed me too. Admittedly, it went better than yours, but still,” he says, patting Bobby’s head.

“What does this mean for me? Am I gay?” he whispers. 

“Do you still like girls?” Hanbin asks.

“Well, yeah,” Bobby answers.

“And guys?”

“I mean, so far just Junhoe, but I guess?” he says cautiously.

“So you’re bisexual. It’s okay, it’s not a bad thing. You can like guys and still like girls. I do,” Hanbin says. “But I think you need to talk to Junhoe.”

“I want to,” Bobby says. “But he hasn’t been back here in days. I keep trying to catch him but he’s avoiding me.”

“I think we both know where he is,” Hanbin says. “He has two friends, and they live together. I think you’re avoiding each other.” 

Bobby shrugs. There’s probably some truth to that. 

“I’ll go get him,” Hanbin offers. “What do you want me to tell him?”

“Tell him that I’m not sorry, and that I want to talk,” Bobby says.

“Okay. I’ve got to get to class, so give yourself some time and prepare whatever it is you want to say, and I’ll get him after class,” Hanbin says, giving Bobby one last tight squeeze before leaving.

Bobby skips the rest of his classes that day, and just focuses on doing his work for his composing class. It’s relaxing, listening to the same beat over and over as he builds a song around it. He’s almost calmed down by the time the door slams open.

“Kim Jiwon,” Junhoe snarls, slamming the door behind him. Jiwon jumps. 

“Jesus Christ, Junhoe,” he breathes. Junhoe looks like he’s getting ready to punch him, and with how jacked he is, Jiwon has a feeling one hit would be enough to wreck him. He stands up, backing up from the seething man in front of him. “Let’s talk about this,” he says, hands up.

“I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want anything to do with you,” Junhoe says, stalking into the room. Jiwon takes a step back for each step Junhoe takes forward.

“Why are you so upset?” Jiwon asks.

“Because I don’t need anyone’s fucking pity, especially not yours,” Junhoe growls.

“I didn’t kiss you out of pity, you pea brained fuck,” Jiwon says, fed up. “I kissed you because I wanted to. And guess what, I’m sober now, and I don’t regret a damn thing.”

That stops Junhoe, his anger vanishing in place of pure confusion. “What?” he asks. “But you’re not…” he trails off.

“Gay? No, I’m not. Bisexual? Maybe. I’m still figuring it out. All I know was I liked kissing you,” Jiwon says with a shrug. Junhoe stares at him. “Say something.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Junhoe says, sinking onto his bed. “I really want to hate you, but I can’t. I don’t know what to do.”

“Kiss me again,” Jiwon says, stepping closer, and reaching out a hand to Junhoe.

“I don’t like you like that,” Junhoe says bluntly, and he misses the way Jiwon flinches. 

“I don’t like you like that either,” Jiwon lies, and Junhoe looks up at him. “I just said kiss me again?”

“So you want me to be your experiment, huh? To figure out your sexuality?” Junhoe asks, sounding defensive.

“No! Jesus, Junhoe. You’re hot, and I want to kiss you. Can’t that just be what it is?” His hand hangs in mid air, until Junhoe takes it, pulling Jiwon forward. 

“Come on then,” he says, voice low. He moves back on his bed, and Jiwon is crawling forward, hovering over Junhoe. “You can lay on me, don’t be shy,” he laughs, and Jiwon slowly lowers himself on top of Junhoe. His leg slots between Junhoe’s, and they tilt slightly to the side, bodies pressed together.

Jiwon leans forward, lips pressing against Junhoe’s lightly. Junhoe kisses back just as softly. “Tell anyone about this and I will hire someone to kill you,” he says.

“Understood,” Jiwon gulps.

“Good,” Junhoe says. He grips Jiwon’s shirt, and pulls him in closer. This kiss is less gentle. He nips Jiwon’s bottom lip, so Jiwon will open his mouth. He takes Jiwon’s lower lip into his mouth, sucking and nipping at it. Jiwon groans, hands sliding into Junhoe’s hair. 

He rolls them so he’s pinning Junhoe to the bed fully, kissing him deeper, and longer. He can feel the bad tension between them slipping away, another kind of tension taking its place. Junhoe’s mouth opens and Jiwon slips his tongue in, kissing him the way he’s been wanting to for almost a week. Junhoe groans as their tongues slide together, his hands grabbing Jiwon’s ass. 

Jiwon pulls away from Junhoe’s mouth, trailing kisses across his face, making his way to his neck. He kisses Junhoe’s pulse point, tongue painting the skin there. He sucks lightly at his Adam's apple, enjoying the small noise Junhoe lets out. He makes his way back to Junhoe’s mouth. They kiss lazily, trailing into smaller, softer kisses again. Jiwon pulls back to look at Junhoe.

Junhoe’s eyes are lidded as he looks up at Jiwon. His lips are kiss swollen and his hair is a mess. Jiwon imagines he probably looks similar. He gives Junhoe one more chaste kiss, before rolling off to the side. “Can we keep doing this?” Jiwon asks.

“Only if you keep quiet about it,” Junhoe says around a yawn, making Jiwon yawn in return. 

“Okay,” Jiwon agrees, closing his eyes.

“I didn’t say you could sleep here,” Junhoe teases.

“You’re welcome to go sleep in my bed then,” Jiwon says, as Junhoe wraps an arm around him.

“Shut up,” Junhoe says. Jiwon just laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly nothing bad can come of this, right?


	7. Chapter 7

“So what happened with Jiwon?” Jinhwan asks over lunch the next day. “You never came back for your work.”

“Shit,” Junhoe swears. “That’s where I left it.”

“Avoiding the question I see,” Jinhwan says. 

“I punched him in the face, problem solved,” Junhoe says, taking a bite out of his burger.

“Liar,” Yunhyeong says. “If you punched him he’d be dead. So fess up.”

Junhoe rolls his eyes. “We talked and agreed it was a drunken mistake that should never have happened. And we’re going to forget it happened so I would appreciate it if you did too,” he says, wiping his mouth. He checks the time on his phone. “Shit, I’m gonna be late. See you later,” he says, darting off.

He’s not late for anything but meeting up with Jiwon. This has become their secret, in between classes, late at night, any chance they have. He opens the door to see Jiwon sprawled across his bed. He looks up as Junhoe steps in, shutting the door behind him. 

“Thought you forgot about me,” Jiwon says, pretending to be cross, and Junhoe shoots him a look. 

“I can turn around and walk right back out of here,” he says. 

“Oh, shut up and get over here,” Jiwon says. 

Junhoe crawls on the bed and on top of Jiwon, hovering over him. 

“Hey,” Jiwon says with a grin.

“Shut up,” Junhoe answers, and kisses Jiwon like he’s hungry for it. Jiwon gets brave, slipping his hands under Junhoe’s shirt, fingers tracing his back muscles as they move with Junhoe. He drags his fingernails lightly down Junhoe’s back and feels him shiver. Junhoe makes a little noise, and Jiwon likes it, wants to hear it again. He does it again and Junhoe bites his lip in warning. 

Jiwon wraps his legs around Junhoe, and rolls them over, pinning him to the bed. His tongue slides easily against Junhoe’s, deepening the kiss. He’s noticed that when Junhoe’s on the bottom he’s so pliant and needy, and he finds he likes it a lot. Like now, Junhoe just gasps when Jiwon bites down on his lower lip. 

Jiwon feels Junhoe’s hard on at the same time Junhoe realizes he has one. He panics, shoving Jiwon off of him. “Shit,” he swears, clambering off the bed. “I’m sorry, I’ve got to go,” he says, shoving shoes on and fleeing the room. 

Jiwon sighs, and watches him go, the door left open in haste. “Koo Junhoe, what am I going to do with you?” he asks softly, getting up to shut the door. In a way, he’s thankful Junhoe left. He doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing beyond kissing, isn’t sure he wants to either. He sinks back down on his bed, and texts Hanbin.

Bobby: hey  
Hanbin: hi  
Bobby: What’s up?  
Hanbin: On my way to your dorm actually, study date with Jinani  
Bobby: How are things going between you two?  
Hanbin: Great! How are things between you and Junhoe?  
Bobby: ????  
Hanbin: I’m not stupid, also I just got here, and he’s practically vibrating while pretending he’s doing work. What the fuck did you do?  
Bobby: Accidentally gave him a boner?  
Hanbin: You’re both idiots. I’ll talk to you later.

Bobby sighs and sets his phone down. He gets up, and slips his shoes on, before heading out of the dorm in search of Chanwoo and Donghyuk. He finds them in their room, Donghyuk trying to work on a choreography in the small space, and Chanwoo playing video games at his desk. He plops himself on Chanwoo’s bed and watches Donghyuk.

“Thought you forgot about us,” Chanwoo says, not looking up from his game. 

Jiwon frowns. “Sorry. Things have been a little crazy lately.”

“So who is she?” Donghyuk asks.

“Huh?” he asks, bewildered.

“The girl you’ve abandoned us for,” Chanwoo pipes in.

“There’s no girl,” Jiwon says, and only feels a little bad. It’s the truth after all. 

“Then where have you been?” Donghyuk asks, grabbing a towel and wiping his face off.

“I’ve just been overloaded with classwork. I promise I’ll spend more time with you.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that,” Donghyuk says.

The next weekend is Jinhwan’s birthday, and Junhoe is taking him out clubbing, which means Hanbin is coming, which means so are the rest of his friends, including Jiwon. They’ve kept their distance the last few days. Jiwon’s barely been around, under the excuse of visiting friends, and Junhoe doesn’t fight him.

This is almost the first time they’ve been alone since the incident, and Junhoe studiously avoids looking at Jiwon as he strips, getting ready. 

Winter has hit in full force, but that doesn’t stop Junhoe from wearing a billowing black shirt with only two buttons buttoned, showing off his chest and abs. It’s not like they’ll be outside for long anyway. He turns and catches Jiwon looking at him. “What?” he asks, feeling self conscious for   
some reason.

“Nothing,” Jiwon says with a shake of his head. “You just look really good in that is all.”

“Thanks,” Junhoe says. The silence thickens, and Junhoe clears his throat. “We should get going.”

There’s a limo waiting for them outside the dorm, and they all pile in. 

“I forget how rich you are sometimes,” Jiwon says as the driver shuts the door behind them.

“I’m amazed he lets you forget it,” Jinhwan says sarcastically, making Yunhyeong laugh. 

“Remember who’s buying your drinks tonight,” Junhoe says.

“Point proven,” Jinhwan says, and Junhoe rolls his eyes as everyone snickers.

Junhoe’s reserved the VIP balcony for Jinhwan’s party. It overlooks the dance floor and has a private bar, which Junhoe has an open tab on. No matter how much they spend, his dad won’t even notice. The table by the couches is already loaded with drinks. They settle in, each grabbing a shot. 

“Happy birthday, Jinhwan,” Junhoe says, before knocking his shot back. He’s sitting between Yunhyeong and Chanwoo. On the other couch Hanbin is sitting in Jinhwan’s lap, Donghyuk and Jiwon next to them. Junhoe avoids eye contact with Jiwon, instead leaning forward to grab a glass of whiskey off the table. 

Several drinks later, Junhoe is feeling suitably tipsy. “I’m going to dance,” he says, standing. 

“Behave,” Jinhwan tells him, and Junhoe gives him a smirk. 

“Won’t do anything you wouldn’t,” he promises.

“Oh lord,” Yunhyeong says. “I’m coming too.”

Junhoe heads downstairs, not paying attention to the way Jiwon’s eyes follow him. All thoughts of Jiwon are wiped from his head as he loses himself in the crowd. It’s been too long. Junhoe forgot how much he loves the heavy press of bodies, the way he’s moved without trying. He closes his eyes and rides the rhythm.

It isn’t long before he feels hands on his hips. He tilts his head to look. It’s a man around his height, eyes dark and alluring. Junhoe lets him grind against him, moving in sync with him. The man spins him around so they’re face to face, and Junhoe grins at him. The man leans in, and Junhoe lets him kiss him. His teeth are sharp against Junhoe’s lip, and Junhoe groans, kissing back with the same intensity. Thoughts of Jiwon suddenly fill his head, and he tries to will them away.

The man kisses so differently than Jiwon, who can be so tender even when he’s taking Junhoe apart. The way his bites don’t draw blood. Jiwon is all he can think about. Junhoe pulls away from the man. “I’m sorry, my friends are waiting for me,” he says, pulling out of the man’s grasp. 

He makes his way back upstairs. Everyone is gone except for Jiwon. Junhoe steels himself, and stops at the bar, downing two shots in quick succession, before heading over to where Jiwon is sitting. He sits down next to him. 

“Hey,” he says, and Jiwon doesn’t answer. “What are you still doing up here.”

“Didn’t feel like dancing,” Jiwon answers, voice cold. 

“Me neither,” Junhoe tries, leaning back against the couch. 

“Really? Looked like you were having fun,” Jiwon says evenly.

Oh.

“Are you jealous?” Junhoe asks incredulously.

“I am as a matter of fact,” Jiwon says, leaning forward to grab a shot off the table. Junhoe is too drunk to process this immediately.

“Why?” he asks, dumbfounded.

“Because I like you, you fucking idiot,” Jiwon says, something snapping inside him, months worth of tension flooding out of him. “I like you and you don’t give a shit about me. And I had to watch that man put his hands all over you when you mean nothing to him. So yes, I am jealous.”

“Oh,” Junhoe says.

“That’s all you have to say?” Jiwon says angrily, standing up. Junhoe grabs his wrist. 

“Don’t go, please,” he begs, and Jiwon lets himself be pulled back down. 

“I came back because I couldn’t stop thinking about you, the entire time,” Junhoe says, feeling vulnerable. “Listen, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know anything about relationships beyond one night stands. I don’t know what love feels like. I don’t know about any of that.”

“What’s your point?” Jiwon asks, though his tone is softer now.

Junhoe sighs. “I think I like you too. All I know is I like kissing you and spending time with you, and I didn’t like when he was kissing me because he’s not you. And I feel miserable when we’re not talking. So please, don’t go,” he whispers the last part.

“I don’t want to hide anymore,” Jiwon says. “It feels like a dirty secret, and I hate that. I want to be with you, everywhere, where everyone can see us.”

Half of Junhoe is panicking. He’s never done this before, doesn’t know if what he’s doing is right. But it feels right and the other half of him knows it. “Okay,” he agrees. 

“Yeah?” Jiwon asks, barely daring to believe it.

“Yeah,” Junhoe agrees, and leans in to kiss Jiwon. It’s a soft brush of their lips, but Jiwon isn’t satisfied with that, kissing him with urgency. He pushes Junhoe down on the couch, devouring him, and Junhoe lets him. As scared as he is, this feels good, like everything is going to be okay.

“Well, it’s about time you two stopped hiding,” a voice says, startling them apart. Junhoe’s first instinct is to flee, but Jiwon holds his arm tight, not letting him go anywhere.

Junhoe looks at Jinhwan bewildered. “Did you think we’re stupid?” Jinhwan asks, settling on the other couch. 

“To be honest I had no idea,” Donghyuk says. 

“Me neither,” Chanwoo adds.

“That’s because you’re a bunch of knuckleheads,” Hanbin says.

Yunhyeong smiles at them encouragingly. “We’re just happy you’re happy,” he says.

“Jesus Christ, will you all shut up?” Junhoe asks, reaching for a shot. Jiwon lets him with an amused smile on his face.

“What are you all doing up here?” Jiwon asks. 

“Came back for more drinks only to find you two have pulled your heads out of your asses,” Jinhwan says, also reaching for a drink. Everyone has another round, before heading back downstairs. Jiwon and Junhoe hang behind, and Jinhwan waggles his eyebrows.

Jiwon kisses Junhoe softly. “You ready?” he asks, and Junhoe nods. “I am,” he says, linking his fingers in Jiwon’s, and leading him down the stairs and onto the dance floor. He pulls Jiwon close and lets the music wash over them.

And for the first time in ages, his heart feels light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you nothing bad was gonna happen ;)


	8. Chapter 8

Things don’t really change much. It’s little things. Jiwon goes out of his way to join them for lunch now. Their friend groups begin to merge. Yunhyeong and Donghyuk become nearly inseparable. Their table is a lot more crowded than it used to be, and Junhoe doesn’t mind. It feels nice to have friends.

Jiwon isn’t really one for public affection, and Junhoe is okay with that. He hooks their ankles together under the table and Jiwon gives him a little smile, and that’s enough. He should be listening to what the table is talking about, but he’s busy watching Jiwon, soaking in every detail. Jiwon is lost in the conversation, and his eyes disappear when he laughs, and Junhoe finds it endlessly endearing. 

Not that he would say any of this outloud. This is all so new for him. He feels like there’s a shell of ice around his heart, and Jiwon is melting it. He’s feeling things he’s never felt before. It scares him, a lot, and for a moment he feels his heart seize up. Jiwon must notice something, because his eyes flicker to Junhoe. Junhoe gives him a small smile.

“I’m gonna get going,” Junhoe says a while later when they’re all lounging, digesting their food. “Finals are coming up and I’ve got a lot of shit to do.”

“I’ll see you later,” Jiwon says, wiggling his fingers. Everyone else bids him goodbye, and he heads out. 

Junhoe’s buried in his books when Jiwon gets back to the room a few hours later. He’s just finished his last class of the day. Junhoe looks cute when he works, nose scrunched up, face close to the page as he scribbles words and highlights his notes. He’s got earbuds in, and his head bobs slightly to a beat Jiwon can’t hear. It makes Jiwon’s heart soar. 

He closes the door softly and slips his shoes off before stepping behind Junhoe. Junhoe jumps slightly when Jiwon’s hands slip over his shoulders. He pulls out his earbuds. “Jesus, Jiwon, make some noise,” he breathes. Jiwon smiles, and kneads Junhoe’s shoulders.

“You’re stressing too much,” Jiwon says. Junhoe’s eyes flutter shut as Jiwon continues to massage his shoulders. “You know you’re supposed to take study breaks.”

“I can take a break when I pass my finals,” Junhoe argues. 

“Or you could take a break now, and blow off some steam,” Jiwon suggests, sliding his hands down Junhoe’s chest, and kissing the shell of his ear. 

“What exactly did you have in mind,” Junhoe breathes, knowing exactly what Jiwon wants. 

“A few things,” Jiwon answers, standing up, and pulling Junhoe to his feet. He walks them back until Junhoe bumps into the mattress. Jiwon pushes him back, and he bounces. He raises an eyebrow and Jiwon laughs. “Get on the bed properly,” he says, and Junhoe can’t help but obey, sliding back so he’s laying in the middle of the bed. Jiwon straddles Junhoe, sitting in his lap. His fingers tease just under Junhoe’s shirt, fingers brushing abs. “Take this off,” he says, voice deep. It makes Junhoe shiver as he sits up just enough to pull his shirt off, leaving him exposed to Jiwon for the first time. 

He feels nervous, which is new for him. It’s been a long time since the first time Junhoe was shirtless around a man, but it feels different with Jiwon. There’s a hunger in his eyes that dries Junhoe’s mouth out. He licks his lips, and Jiwon’s eyes flicker to them. He trails his fingers across Junhoe’s abs, exploring the new territory. Junhoe’s eyes are on Jiwon’s long fingers, his thoughts racing a million miles an hour.

“Jiwon,” he says, and it sounds choked.

“Shh,” Jiwon answers. He pulls his own shirt off, and Junhoe stares. Jiwon is just as fit as he is, and he can’t stop himself from reaching out, and running his fingers over Jiwon’s skin. Jiwon leans over him, lowering himself on top of Junhoe. “I’m gonna kiss you now,” he says.

“Please,” Junhoe says, voice breathy. He feels like he’s losing his mind, just from Jiwon’s bare chest against his. Jiwon slots their lips together, and it’s erotic from the start. Junhoe tangles his fingers in Jiwon’s hair, mouth opening to him. He lets Jiwon take control, set the pace. 

Jiwon kisses Junhoe deeply, tongue sliding against his. He loves the way Junhoe tugs at his hair, the way he’s so pliant under him. It’s so hot, and perfect. He kisses Junhoe over and over, until their lips are bruised.

He can feel himself getting hard, and the way Junhoe whimpers into the kiss when their crotches brush has his cock twitching. Junhoe freezes, and Jiwon immediately pulls back. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, breathless. 

“I’m sorry,” Junhoe says.

“For what?” Jiwon asks, confused, and Junhoe makes an embarrassed noise.”Oh,” Jiwon says. “Do you want to stop?” he asks, concerned.

“No,” Junhoe breathes. “But don’t you?”

“No,” Jiwon answers honestly. “I won’t lie and say I’m not nervous but I want you Junhoe. As long as you don’t mind me being a virgin,” he says, cheeks glowing pink.

“As long as you don’t mind me not being one,” Junhoe answers, and pulls Jiwon in for a soft kiss. He wraps his legs around Jiwon and rolls them over so he’s on top. “You have to tell me if you want me to stop,” he says and Jiwon nods. “No,” Junhoe says. “You have to say it. You’ll stop me if you need to.”

“I will,” Jiwon says. “I promise.”

“Good,” Junhoe says, leaning in for a quick kiss, before pulling away to lap and kiss at Jiwon’s neck. He desperately wants to leave marks there, let the world know who Jiwon belongs to, but he doesn’t. He knows Jiwon wouldn’t like it. He kisses along his collarbones, nipping lightly. Jiwon lets out a breath, and Junhoe smirks against his skin. 

He traces a path down, kissing Jiwon’s pecks. He trails his tongue across Jiwon’s nipple, delighting in the way Jiwon jerks, a noise escaping his lips.

Junhoe does it again, and Jiwon lets out a breathy moan. “You like that?” Junhoe asks.

“Yeah, don’t stop,” Jiwon breathes, running a hand through Junhoe’s hair as Junhoe wraps his lips around his nipple, sucking lightly as he holds it between his teeth. Jiwon’s fingers scratch his scalp and Junhoe continues teasing him, until Jiwon is squirming, panting lightly. 

He finally pulls away and continues kissing down Jiwon’s body. He traces Jiwon’s abs with his tongue, enjoying the way they flex. Jiwon laughs softly. “That tickles,” he protests. Junhoe runs his fingers up Jiwon’s side, actually tickling him, and nearly gets a knee in the face. He laughs loudly, laying on top of Jiwon’s legs so he can’t escape, and tickles him until he’s nearly in tears from laughing. 

“You were saying?” Junhoe laughs. 

“I hate you,” Jiwon pants.

“No, you don’t,” Junhoe says smugly.

“No, I don’t,” Jiwon admits.

Junhoe presses a few more kisses against Jiwon’s stomach, before sliding down more. He lifts himself off Jiwon. “Spread your legs for me,” he says, settling between them when Jiwon does. Junhoe pops the button on Jiwon’s pants. “You still with me?” he asks, looking up at Jiwon.

“Yeah, yeah I’m with you,” Jiwon breathes, lifting himself onto his elbows so he can look down at Junhoe. The sight of him between his legs has him groaning. 

“Lift your hips,” Junhoe says, and pulls Jiwon’s pants down enough to expose his hard on. “No underwear? Really, Jiwon?” Junhoe says.

“I find them restricting,” Jiwon protests.

“Or you haven’t done laundry in a month,” Junhoe retorts and Jiwon laughs. He makes a choked noise when Junhoe licks a stripe up his dick.

“Fuck,” he groans. Junhoe smirks and does it a few more times before taking the tip in his mouth, sucking softly. He loves the noises coming out of Jiwon's mouth. He takes more of Jiwon, bobbing his head up and down. 

“Junhoe, god, Junhoe,” Jiwon groans, his hands coming up to tangle in Junhoe’s hair. Junhoe is an expert at this, and relaxes his throat as he sinks down lower. He flattens out his tongue, enjoying the heavy weight of Jiwon’s dick against it. He hums happily and Jiwon’s hips jerk. He’d anticipated that, and pulled back slightly. He rubs Jiwon’s balls with his free hand, while he picks up the speed of his mouth. 

“Junhoe, fuck,” is all the warning he gets before Jiwon is coming, half in Junhoe’s mouth, half across his face. Junhoe works him through it, until he sinks into the bed, a panting mess. He sits up, grabbing his t-shirt and wiping his face off. 

Jiwon carefully pulls his pants back on, dick oversensitive, and sits up. He pulls Junhoe in for a kiss. He can taste himself on Junhoe, and honestly it’s kind of gross. He doesn’t know how Junhoe did that. 

“I should,” Jiwon starts, gesturing at the bulge straining at Junhoe’s zipper.

“No,” Junhoe says. “I can tell you’re not ready, and I’m not going to let you do something you’re uncomfortable with. I can take care of myself.”

“Can I.. can I watch?” Jiwon asks tentatively. Junhoe just grins, and pushes Jiwon back against the bed. He undoes his fly, and frees his dick. He’s too wound up to last long. He wraps his hand around his dick and jerks himself off. Precome eases the way, and he groans, eyes closing as his hand moves. Jiwon watches in fascination as Junhoe comes. He’s silent, his mouth hangs open as he spills over his hand. It takes him a minute to come back to himself, and he wipes his hand off on his already soiled shirt, before tucking himself back in. He tosses the shirt in the general vicinity of his laundry hamper before sinking into the bed. He curls into Jiwon, giving him a gentle kiss.

“How do you feel?” he asks, looking up at Jiwon.

“Tired?” Jiwon asks. “I enjoyed it,” he says. But there’s a knot of tension in his stomach. Junhoe can sense it too.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

Jiwon shrugs.

“Tell me,” Junhoe coaxes gently.

“I guess it’s just that, I grew up thinking it was bad to be gay, and that shaped a lot of things that I think. And I don’t know,” Jiwon trails off, burying his face in the pillow.

Junhoe wraps an arm around him and kisses his shoulder softly.

“There’s nothing wrong with what we just did, Jiwon. There’s nothing dirty or shameful about being gay, and I’m going to be here to help you get those thoughts out of your head, okay?” Junhoe says.

Jiwon nods into the pillow and Junhoe sighs. “Come on, let’s nap.”

Jiwon doesn’t protest as Junhoe pulls the covers over them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot to post today, I'm sorry, forgive me!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TWs for this chapter  
> \- mentions of past child abuse  
> \- suicidal thoughts/panic attacks  
> \- alcohol abuse

Before they know it finals are over, and winter break is upon them. They’re all exhausted and a little worse for wear, and incredibly grateful for the break. 

“Are you not taking your clothes home?” Jiwon asks, as he packs and Junhoe lounges on the bed. 

“No? I’ve got plenty more at home,” he says around a yawn.

“Right, filthy rich. I forget,” Jiwon says.

“I don’t know how. I look expensive,” Junhoe says, cocky.

“You’re so obnoxious,” Jiwon says, chucking a pillow at him. Junhoe laughs, throwing it back.

“Come pay attention to me,” Junhoe whines. Jiwon, a sucker, abandons his packing, and crawls into Junhoe’s bed. 

“I’m here,” he says, wrapping an arm around Junhoe and pulling him in for a kiss. Junhoe laughs into it, and Jiwon shoves him. “Annoying,” he says.

“You like me anyway,” Junhoe says, snuggling into Jiwon, resting his head on Jiwon’s shoulder. 

“What are you and your parents doing for Christmas?” Jiwon asks as they lay there, staring at the ceiling. 

“My parents?” Junhoe snorts. “I think they’re in Switzerland on vacation or something. I don’t know, they don’t keep me updated.”

Jiwon sits up, frowning. “Junhoe, that’s sad.”

“Is it?” Junhoe asks, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t remember if my parents have ever spent a holiday with me. It was usually my nannies,” he says. Jiwon’s frown deepens, and Junhoe pulls him down so he can kiss the look off his face.

“I can’t imagine not spending Christmas with my family,” Jiwon says.

“I’ll spend it with Jinhwan and Yunhyeong once they’re done with their families. They’re my family,” he says, closing his eyes. “It’s not a big deal, really.”

Jiwon reluctantly drops it. “I don’t want to be away from you,” he whines.

“Come over to my place, let me steal you away from your family for a while,” Junhoe says. 

“I’ll see if I can get away,” Jiwon promises.

  
  


Hours later they part reluctantly, lingering kisses, fingers intertwined. Junhoe rests his forehead against Jiwon’s. The car is outside waiting for him, but it can wait. He hugs Jiwon close, peppering his face with kisses.

“Go, I’ll see you soon,” Jiwon says, giving Junhoe one last kiss. 

“Alright,” Junhoe says, grabbing his winter jacket and zipping it up. “I’m holding you to that.”

Junhoe watches as the snowy campus rolls past the car window and muses. He can’t believe how much his life has changed in such a short period of time. He never would have imagined missing Jiwon when he first met him. 

His phone buzzes, and he pulls it from his pocket.

_ Jiwon: miss you already _

_ Junhoe: sap _

_ Jiwon: yeah yeah, get home safe _

_ Junhoe: you too :-* _

Junhoe closes his eyes as the car winds through the streets of Seoul, carrying him back to his house. He doesn’t notice he’s dozing until the car comes to a stop. They’re parked in front of a large mansion on the outskirts of the city. 

“Home sweet home,” he mutters as he steps out of the car and into the blustery winter air. He pulls his hood around his head, and heads towards the house. 

“Welcome home, Mr. Koo,” he’s greeted as the front door is opened for him. He doesn’t answer, just steps inside, shedding his coat and shoes before wandering into the house. He hasn’t been back here since he left for school, and he didn’t miss it one bit. He knows he’s lucky to have so much, but this house is tainted with memories of an unhappy childhood. He makes his way to his bedroom.

It’s as he left it, the only part of the house that belongs to him. Shelves line the walls, covered in vinyl albums and poetry books. He runs his fingers along their spines as his feet sink into plush carpet. He pads over to his bed, sinking gratefully into the king sized mattress. It’s so much more comfortable than his bed at school, and he’s out like a light in minutes.

He wakes up disoriented, unsure where he is for a moment. It’s dark already, even though he’s only been asleep for two hours, winter snatching away the sunlight. His phone buzzes, and he rolls over to look at it. He’s got several missed messages.

_ Jiwon: Did you get home alright? _

_ Jiwon: Junhoe _

_ Jiwon: Junhoe D:< _

Junhoe laughs before responding.

_ Junhoe: I’m home. Sorry I fell asleep _

Jiwon answers immediately.

_ Jiwon: I thought you died _

_ Junhoe: You worry too much _

_ Jiwon: I just miss you already _

_ Junhoe: Come over tomorrow? I can send someone to get you _

_ Jiwon: Yeah, I think my mom will stop clinging to me by then _

Junhoe sets his phone down, and relaxes back into the bed. He grabs a remote off the bedside stand. He turns on his flat screen, scrolling through the channels until he finds something decent to watch. He watches until his stomach starts to growl, and he’s forced to go in search of the kitchen.

The kitchen is blissfully empty. Junhoe doesn’t really feel like interacting with anyone at the moment. He roots through the fridge. It’s fully stocked with pre cooked meals, and he grabs one, popping it in the microwave, before escaping back to his room with it. He eats it as he watches TV.

By the time the movie he’s watching finishes, it’s late and he’s tired again. He gets up, getting ready for bed. He crawls under the covers, and falls asleep, content knowing he’s going to see Jiwon tomorrow.

  
  


Junhoe wakes up to an unusually cold room. He scowls as he slides out from under the covers. His mood plummets even further when he looks out the window. A heavy blanket of snow covers everything, and it continues to come down heavily. He knows instantly that he won’t be seeing Jiwon today, or even Yunhyeong or Jinhwan. It’s going to be him stuck in this house by himself.

He dresses in shorts and a t-shirt, and makes his way to the gym in the basement. He spends the next hour beating the shit out of a punching bag, and lifting weights until he’s sore. He relaxes into the jacuzzi next, letting it soothe his muscles. He’s still in a bad mood, but it’s lessened slightly. He makes his way back to his room. 

It’s still early, only six in the morning. He hopes he doesn’t wake Jiwon up.

_ Junhoe: It’s not supposed to stop snowing any time soon. Face time later? _

He doesn’t expect an answer right away, so he texts his group chat.

_ Junhoe:This blows. I hate this break already _

_ Jinhwan: Please shut up, I’m trying to sleep _

_ Yunhyeong: be nice _

_ Junhoe: Yunhyeong you’re invited over when it stops snowing, Jinhwan you can rot. _

_ Jinhwan: Don’t wanna be there while you get it on with your boyfriend anyway _

Jinhwan sends a middle finger emoji, and Junhoe tosses his phone aside. He paces his room. He’s used to being on his own, but the last months have changed him. He doesn’t know how to exist without his friends anymore. He debates going out in the storm anyway, but knows he wouldn’t be allowed to. 

He sits on the floor, dejected. He can feel all the progress he’s made slipping away. He feels sad and lonely, and he can feel tears pricking in his eyes. He buries his face in his arm as the tears start to pool and spill. He’s spent his whole life being told he wasn't important, with no meaning behind it. His parents couldn’t care less if he existed or not. He’s separated from everyone who loves him.

He lays on the floor for god knows how long, wallowing. Until he hears an incoming call. He considers letting it ring, but reluctantly pulls himself to his feet. He sits on the edge of the bed. It’s a facetime call from Jiwon. He looks like shit, eyes puffy, but he picks it up anyway.

“Hey babe,” he says, and Jiwon eyes him.

“What’s wrong?” Jiwon asks.

“Nothing,” Junhoe mumbles.

“You’re upset, tell me,” Jiwon says.

“I just hate being here, that’s all,” Junhow answers, settling back into the pillows.

“Jesus Junhoe, I’m about to walk there,” Jiwon says seriously.

“Please don’t,” Junhoe sighs. “I’ll see you when this storm is over.”

There’s a noise in the background and Jiwon’s head turns towards the door.

“Jiwon, breakfast is ready, hurry up,” a female voice says.

“I’ll be out in a minute mom,” he says.

“Who are you talking to?” she asks.

“A friend,” Jiwon answers, in English, and Junhoe raises an eyebrow, steeling his expression before Jiwon looks back. “I gotta go eat, I’ll call you later okay? Cheer up or I will find a way to get there.”

“Okay,” Junhoe says softly, still sad. The call disconnects, and Junhoe lays back against his bed. He’s thinking about Jiwon calling him a friend to his mother. He doesn’t like it, and something ugly sits in the pit of his stomach. He tries to ignore it by crawling back under the covers and taking a nap. 

A ringing noise wakes him up, and he really considers chucking his phone against the wall. He rolls over. 

_ Dad.  _

Shit. 

“Hello?” He answers, wondering what he’s done wrong this time. 

“Hello Junhoe,” his father says, addressing him like he’s one of his workers. “What were your results for the semester?” Straight to business as usual. 

“All A’s,” Junhoe says, bored already. 

“As expected. Keep it up,” he says and Junhoe can hear the  _ or else _ in his voice. “Your mother wants to know how you are,” he continues and Junhoe rolls his eyes. 

“Tell her I’m great and that I have a boyfriend now,” he says, feeling spiteful. 

There’s silence on the other end and Junhoe can practically feel his father’s rage through the phone. 

“I thought we were over this, Junhoe. You have expectations to live up to,” his voice calmly angry. 

“You can’t beat the gay out of someone,  _ dad _ ,” Junhoe shoots back. “Though you tried hard, good attempt, but fruitless.” He hangs up before his dad can say anything else, and turns his phone off. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. 

He gets out of bed and pulls a hoodie on, not bothering to change out of his pajamas. It’s not like he’s going anywhere any time soon. He pads down the steps to the living room, sinking into the couch. He can’t stand the silence and turns the tv on. He doesn’t pay attention to what’s on it, just lets it play while he dives deeper into depression.

It’s nearly 7 by the time he drags himself off the couch, wandering the house for a while. He thinks about going to the kitchen, but he’s not hungry. So he pads back to his bedroom. His phone is still abandoned on his bed, and he climbs on, reaching for it. He turns it on, and is immediately bombarded with text messages

_ Jiwon: hey, sorry i took so long, how are you _

_ Jiwon: junhoe? _

_ Jiwon: are you asleep? _

_ Jiwon: if you don’t answer me soon i’m going to freak out _

_ Jiwon: Koo Junhoe _

_ Jinhwan: will you please answer your boyfriend he’s called me like three times _

_ Jinhwan: I am serious that I will kill you the next time I see you _

He flinches. He hadn’t thought about Jiwon all day. Honestly he hadn’t thought about anything all day.

He lays back against the pillows, and his thumb hovers over Jiwon’s name in his contacts. He hesitates, but eventually presses the button, putting the phone to his ear.

Jiwon answers on the first ring. 

“Junhoe?” he asks, sounding frantic.

“Hey, sorry,” Junhoe says, trying to put some emotion in his voice.

“Are you okay? I’ve been trying to call you all day.”

“My phone was off. I’m not used to having people want to talk to me. I’m sorry,” he apologizes again.

“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re okay. You are okay, right?” Jiwon asks, and Junhoe hates how intuitive he is. 

“I don’t know,” he says, voice cracking. 

“Junhoe, what’s wrong?” Jiwon asks, concerned.

“I don’t know,” he repeats. 

“Please talk to me,” Jiwon pleads.

Junhoe doesn’t realize he’s crying until he tastes salt. “My family hates me. I’m alone in this prison. I’m cut off from everything I care about. I didn’t know how hard coming back here would be. I’m just reminded of everything terrible that’s happened in this house, and I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate myself so much,” he sobs.

“Baby,” Jiwon says, voice cracking with emotion. “I’m so sorry. Do you want me to come over? I’ll find a way, fuck this snow,” he says seriously.

“No, it’s too dangerous. I’m fine, I swear. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go off like that.” He wipes his face.

“Don’t shut me out Junhoe,” Jiwon pleads.

“I’m fine, really. I’m okay. I’m just going to go to bed, okay? I’ll find a way to see you tomorrow,” he says.

Jiwon hesitates, not wanting to let Junhoe off the phone. “Okay,” he says finally. “Please call me if you need anything at all. I don’t care how late it is.”

“Okay,” Junhoe lies. Jiwon reluctantly lets him hang up.

  
  


Junhoe doesn’t go to sleep. He feels like crawling out of his skin, and he can’t sit still, pacing the house. He makes his way to the kitchen, and heads straight to the fully stocked liquor cabinet. He finds his favorite brand of whiskey, and carries it into the living room. He’s still restless, but he forces himself to sit on the couch. Normally he would take his time and enjoy this, but tonight he drinks like he wants to die. And he does, a little. He drinks the entire bottle, and that’s when things start to get fuzzy.

The next thing he remembers is sitting on the cold bathroom floor as he throws up, over and over. He feels like he can’t breathe. When his stomach finally stops, he slumps against the floor, his phone lying next to his head.

He calls Jinhwan.

“Junhoe?” Jinhwan asks, voice sleepy. 

Junhoe chokes on a sob. 

“Junhoe? What’s wrong?” Jinhwan asks, sounding much more alert.

“Why did they have me if they hate me so much?” Junhoe chokes out.

“Junhoe, come over. Right now,” Jinhwan says.

“I can’t get off the floor,” he slurs.

Jinhwan is quiet, but Junhoe can hear rustling on the other end of the phone. “I’ll be there in fifteen,” Jinhwan says, hanging up. Junhoe closes his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks. He’s too exhausted to fight.

The time passes in a daze. Junhoe opens his eyes to see several Jinhwans hovering over him. 

“How did you get here?” he asks. 

“I called one of your drivers,” Jinhwan says, pulling Junhoe into a sitting position. Junhoe groans as the room spins. “It stopped snowing and the roads are clear.” He holds a cup up to Junhoe’s mouth, forcing water into him. Junhoe struggles not to throw it back up. Jinhwan clucks his tongue, and after making sure Junhoe isn’t going to, he pulls him to his feet, pulling Junhoe’s arm over his shoulder. 

“Okay, you can’t do stairs. You’re sleeping on the couch tonight,” Jinhwan says. He dumps Junhoe onto the couch, and Junhoe curls into a ball. “Get some sleep, I’ll be right over here,” Jinhwan says, pulling a cover over Junhoe before making up a bed for himself on another couch.

Junhoe doesn’t answer, just lets the alcohol pull him down.


	10. Chapter 10

Junhoe blinks awake. It takes him a moment to realize he’s on the couch, but he can’t remember why. He nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears a voice.

“How are you feeling? Jinhwan asks.

“Fine?” Junhoe answers.

“Makes sense since you threw up everything you drank,” Jinhwan says, handing him a glass of water.

“What?” Junhoe asks, taking the glass and drinking from it.

“Classic Junhoe,” Jinhwan sighs, sinking on the couch next to him. “Do you remember any of last night?” he asks.

“The last clear thing I remember was crying on the phone to Jiwon,” he says, cringing thinking about it. “Jesus, I’m gonna scare him away.”

“Stop that,” Jinhwan says. “You’re allowed to have emotions. I don’t care what shit your parents taught you. Jiwon likes you, and he’s not going to stop because you had a bad day.” 

Junhoe slumps against Jiwon. “How bad was I?” he asks.

“Crying on the bathroom floor after drinking an entire bottle of whiskey. Honestly, for you, not that bad,” Jinhwan says with a shrug.

Junhoe sighs. “Thank you for always picking me up.”

Jinhwan slings an arm around Junhoe, hugging him tight. “What are best friends for?” Junhoe rests his head on Jinhwan’s shoulder.

“I should call Jiwon,” Junhoe says some time later. “I promised he could come over today.”

“I should get going anyway, I’ve got plans with Hanbin,” Jinhwan says. 

They part ways, and Junhoe heads to his room, calling Jiwon as he goes up the stairs.

“Good morning,” Junhoe says when Jiwon picks up.

“Morning. How are you feeling?” Jiwon asks, and Junhoe can hear the worry in his voice. 

“Better,” he admits. “Did you still want to come over?”

“Absolutely,” Jiwon says.

“I’ll send a driver over, he should be there within half an hour if that’s cool.”

“That’s perfect. I’ll see you in a bit,” Jiwon says before they hang up.

Junhoe runs through the shower, scrubbing himself clean, trying to rid himself of the hellish thoughts that’ve been filling his brain. He dries off quickly, dressing, and heading downstairs to wait for Jiwon. He bounces on the balls of his feet as he sees the car pull into the driveway. Jiwon steps out, looking bewildered, and the driver opens the front door for him.

He breaks into a smile when he sees Junhoe, and kicks his shoes off quickly before flinging himself into Junhoe’s arms. Junhoe pulls him in for a searing kiss. It feels like they’ve been apart for ages though it’s barely been two days. 

“Fuck, I missed you,” Junhoe says, resting his forehead against Jiwon’s.

“I missed you too,” Jiwon says. He holds Junhoe close. “Are you okay?” he asks. “I was so worried about you.”

“I’m better now that you’re here,” Junhoe admits, taking Jiwon’s hand and lacing their fingers together. “Come on, let me show you around.”

“God, your house is fucking huge,” Jiwon says once Junhoe’s led him around the whole thing. 

Junhoe shrugs. “It’s lonely though,” he admits. “There’s never anyone here.”

“Well, I’m here now,” Jiwon promises. Junhoe’s heart clenches, he doesn’t know what this feeling in this pit of his stomach is but it scares and excites him at the same time.

He drags Jiwon up the stairs to his room. He shoves the door shut with his foot. “And this is where I spend 90 percent of my time,” he says. 

Jiwon takes it all in, wandering around, running his fingers across the spines of Junhoe’s books. “It suits you,” he says at last. “I feel like I know you even better now.”

Junhoe sits on the edge of his bed and watches Jiwon explore with a small smile on his face.

“What?” Jiwon asks when he catches Junhoe looking.

“Just admiring the view from afar, and wishing it was closer,” Junhoe teases.

“Yeah?” Jiwon asks, stepping closer to Junhoe.

“Closer,” Junhoe demands. Jiwon takes one more step and Junhoe pouts. Jiwon laughs and steps closer. He climbs on top of Junhoe, knees on either side of his thighs, and ass in his lap. 

“Better?” he asks, running his fingers through Junhoe’s still damp hair.

“Much better,” Junhoe agrees, and lays back, pulling Jiwon with him. “Kiss me,” he demands.

“A man who knows what he wants. I like it,” Jiwon says, leaning in and kissing Junhoe. They kiss slowly, like the first time. Jiwon’s lips are soft against Junhoe’s, and this time Junhoe kisses back instead of fleeing. He holds Jiwon tight. They kiss like time doesn’t matter, like they can live in this moment forever. It’s what Junhoe needs more than anything else. His heart feels light for the first time since he came home.

“Move up on the bed,” Jiwon says, rolling off of Junhoe, and Junhoe does so he’s laying on the bed properly. Jiwon lays next to him, rolling on his side so he’s facing Junhoe. Junhoe rolls to face him, their mouths inches from each other. He tangles their legs, and pulls Jiwon closer so he can press their lips together. 

He kisses him with more urgency this time, pouring his feelings into the kiss. Jiwon tangles his fingers in the hair at Junhoe’s nape, tilting his head back slightly so he can kiss Junhoe deeper. Junhoe groans, and Jiwon takes advantage, slipping his tongue into Junhoe’s mouth. He releases Junhoe’s hair, and slides his hand under Junhoe’s shirt, rubbing circles against the skin. Junhoe sighs into the kiss, fingers digging into Jiwon’s biceps. 

He wants nothing more than to devour Jiwon whole. They’re both hard, and Junhoe rolls his hips against Jiwon’s, just to hear the throaty moan he makes. “Can I touch you?” Junhoe asks. 

“God, please,” Jiwon breathes, and Junhoe reaches down, cupping Jiwon’s dick through his sweatpants, rubbing it. Jiwon groans, his face turning pink. It’s cute, and Junhoe says so.

“Shut up,” Jiwon mumbles. Junhoe shoves Jiwon’s pants and boxers down until his dick is free, before unzipping his own pants and pulling out his. He spits in his hand, and wraps it around both their dicks. 

“Oh fuck,” Jiwon moans, hips jerking into Junhoe’s grip. The slide of skin against skin is delicious and he’s drowning in it. Junhoe kisses his neck as he jerks them off. Jiwon is a moaning mess and it’s the hottest thing Junhoe’s ever seen. He moves his hand faster, and Jiwon’s nails scratch at his abs. Junhoe pulls back, biting his lip as he and Jiwon find a rhythm, push and pull. The room is silent but for their heavy breathing.

Jiwon comes first with a small cry, spilling over Junhoe’s hand. Junhoe follows him shortly after. He lets go of their dicks, and Jiwon rolls over to grab him a tissue to clean off his hand. They tuck themselves back into their pants. Junhoe yawns widely, and Jiwon smushes him into the bed.

“Nap time,” he declares, kissing Junhoe soundly on the mouth. 

“I’m not arguing,” Junhoe says, tucking his face into Jiwon’s shoulder.

They’re stiff when they wake up. Junhoe groans and stretches. He kisses Jiwon awake.

“What do you wanna do?” Junhoe asks a few minutes later when they’re laying side by side.

“Eat,” Jiwon yawns. "I’m starving." Junhoe is too. He hasn’t eaten in a day and a half and his stomach is making it known that it's displeased. 

“Come on then,” Junhoe says, standing up. Jiwon follows him to the kitchen, and they heat up food, and eat it sitting on the kitchen floor. It’s cozy, and the happiest Junhoe has ever felt in this house. 

“Let’s build a snowman,” Jiwon says, and Junhoe raises an eyebrow. “I’m serious!” he protests. “It never snows this much, let’s go.”

“You’re lucky I would do anything for you,” Junhoe says as they shove their feet into winter boots, and bundle up in scarves and winter jackets.

Junhoe hates the cold, but Jiwon is having the time of his life. Jiwon gives orders, and Junhoe does as he’s told.

“You know, I’ve never made a snowman before,” Junhoe admits as he situates the middle snowball on top of the base.

“That’s so sad,” Jiwon says. “My brother and I used to build them all the time when we were kids.”

“I didn’t really get to have fun as a kid. Doesn’t run in my family,” Junhoe says, but he refuses to dwell on it. He misses Jiwon’s frown as he gathers up more snow.

“It’s okay,” Jiwon says. “We’ll make up for it from now on.” Junhoe smiles at him, cheeks and nose bright red.

“This is the saddest snowman I’ve ever seen,” Jiwon laughs, half an hour later when they’re finally finished. It’s lopsided and looks like it could fall over any second.

“Well, it’s the only snowman I’ve ever seen, so I think it looks damn good,” Junhoe says, tackling Jiwon into a snowbank, laughing hysterically. Jiwon grabs a handful of snow and shoves it down Junhoe’s back, causing him to shriek. They end up running around the yard, chucking snow at each other for another fifteen minutes until they’re frozen to the bone. 

It’s the happiest Junhoe’s ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating yesterday, my internet was not cooperating! and i'm sorry for not replying to any of your comments on the last chapter. i'm having a kind of tough time, but please know that i read them all and i appreciate your words so much <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings for this chapter:  
> \- mentions of dubcon underage sex with an age gap

Jiwon spends the night. He insists on working out, so they go to the gym for an hour, spending more time ogling each other than actually working out. They end up in a sweaty make out session on the floor. Junhoe considers blowing Jiwon right there, but there’s cameras, and if his dad ever decided to check, he’d probably murder Junhoe.

So another plan formulates in his mind. “Let’s shower,” he says.

“Together?” Jiwon asks, turning pink. 

Junhoe rolls his eyes. “Please stop acting like I haven’t seen you naked, you fucking virgin.”

Jiwon splutters and shoves Junhoe, and Junhoe laughs before taking Jiwon’s hand, dragging him to the closest bathroom. There’s at least five in the house, he’s never counted, and they’re always stocked in case of guests.

He turns the shower on, letting the water heat up and steam up the bathroom, before dragging Jiwon in. He’s barely slid the door shut before he’s on Jiwon, kissing him deeply. He gropes Jiwon’s muscles. He’s solid, as muscular as Junhoe and Junhoe loves it. Jiwon moans into his mouth as Junhoe slides his hands down his body. Water runs down their bodies as Junhoe guides them under the spray. He pulls away from Jiwon long enough to pour some body wash on a washcloth. He soaps Jiwon up, sinking to his knees. He pushes Jiwon back under the spray to rinse off.

“Step towards me,” he says, still on his knees, and Jiwon does, eagerly. Junhoe blows him quick and messy, spit dripping down his chin as he deep throats Jiwon. Jiwon moans, grabbing hold of Junhoe’s hair. Junhoe pulls back. “You can fuck my mouth,” he says, before taking Jiwon’s dick back in. He relaxes his throat and flattens his tongue as Jiwon makes a few tentative thrusts into Junhoe’s mouth. Junhoe grabs his ass, encouraging him. Jiwon gains more confidence, moving deeper in Junhoe’s mouth. Junhoe moans around him and Jiwon groans.

“Fuck that feels so good,” he says, hand still tight in Junhoe’s hair. Junhoe swallows around him, too gagged by Jiwon’s cock to answer. He loves it, loves feeling used. When Jiwon comes he swallows every drop.

Jiwon eases out of his mouth. “Stand up,” he says. Junhoe does. Confused when Jiwon sinks to his knees.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“Blowing you,” Jiwon says like Junhoe is dumb.

“You don’t have to,” Junhoe says, nudging Jiwon to stand back up.

“I want to,” Jiwon protests. 

“Fine, but take it easy, it’s harder than it looks,” Junhoe says, and Jiwon snickers. Junhoe rolls his eyes, but quickly shuts up when Jiwon licks his dick. He groans, and runs a hand through Jiwon’s hair, guiding him. Jiwon goes slow, tracing the vein in Junhoe’s dick, licking him from base to tip, before gently sucking on the head of it.

“Yeah, Junhoe says. “Just like that.” Jiwon kitten licks the tip of Junhoe’s dick, sliding through the slit, and Junhoe groans, cock throbbing. Jiwon experimentally takes more of Junhoe in his mouth, little by little, moving his head back and forth. “So good,” Junhoe groans as Jiwon reaches up and cups his balls, rubbing them. Junhoe rests his head against the wall behind him as Jiwon blows him slow and sweet.

Jiwon takes his time every time he takes Junhoe deeper, letting himself adjust before moving. He’s dragging it out, and Junhoe is losing his goddamn mind. “You’re a fucking tease,” Junhoe breathes. He wants to fuck Jiwon’s mouth, chases his pleasure, but he won’t do that, especially not when it’s Jiwon’s first time. He can feel Jiwon smirk around him, and pulls his hair in retaliation.

When Junhoe comes, he gives a full body shudder, coming in Jiwon’s mouth. Jiwon coughs, choking, and Junhoe quickly pulls out. Jiwon turns, spitting, and letting the water wash away the mess. Junhoe laughs at the face Jiwon pulls. “Not exactly the most appetizing thing you’ve ever tasted, is it?” Jiwon gives him a dry look and Junhoe laughs harder. 

After dinner, they grab alcohol from the liquor cabinet and crawl in Junhoe’s bed, sharing bottles. They’re pretty tipsy when Jiwon opens his mouth.

“How old were you the first time,” he trails off, leaving the question open ended. Junhoe cuddles closer to him.

He closes his eyes and hums, deciding how he wants to answer. “Fourteen,” he says finally. 

“Jesus,” Jiwon says. “Junhoe that’s really young.”

“I know that now,” Junhoe says, playing with Jiwon’s fingers. “It was the son of one of my dad’s business partners. He was 17, and I didn’t know any better. I let him do what he wanted. I didn’t like it much, but it’s whatever.”

“It’s not ‘whatever’ Junhoe,” Jiwon says angrily. “He took advantage of you, and that’s not right.”

Junhoe shrugs. He’s long since buried his feelings surrounding the event. “Can’t change it so there’s no point in dwelling on it. Anyway, how old were you when you first kissed someone,” Junhoe says, drawing the topic away from himself.

They go back and forth, drinking and asking each other questions, getting to know each other better. It ranges from light hearted questions about favorite colors to existential questions about the meaning of life. Eventually they fall asleep, curled into each other, faces inches apart. 

  
  


Jiwon leaves the next day, heading back to his parents, and Junhoe resumes his wallowing. He calls Yunhyeong and Jinhwan but they’re both busy with family events, though they both promise to visit when they can. Junhoe envies them. 

The days come and go, and Junhoe loses track. There are dark days, when he’s left alone with his thoughts and too much alcohol, and there are bright days when his friends or Jiwon visit, but they blur together.

Before he knows it it’s Christmas. He fully plans on spending the day wasted, but Jiwon calls him early that morning. 

“Come over for dinner,” Jiwon says as soon as the call connects. 

“Are you sure?” Junhoe asks. “Isn’t Christmas supposed to be for families and shit?”

Jiwon rolls his eyes. “One, I miss you. Two, my mother heard you were going to be all alone, and if you don’t come over, she’s going to come drag you over.”

“Fine,” Junhoe agrees reluctantly. “What time should I get there?”

“Around 2?” Jiwon says.

“Okay, I’ll see you later,” Junhoe says when he hears a voice calling Jiwon.

Junhoe spends entirely too long deciding what to wear. He feels nervous. He’s meeting Jiwon’s family. This is new territory for him. He’s certainly never been invited to a family function by any of his casual fucks.

He settles on black pants and a green sweater. He keeps going back to the mirror to make sure he looks okay. 

He calls his driver, and slips his shoes on as the car is pulled around. The entire ride he feels like throwing up and it’s not from motion sickness. The car rolls through the streets of Seoul before pulling up to a house on a side street. It’s tiny compared to Junhoe’s house, but it already looks more like a home than his ever will. 

He knocks on the door, and is greeted by a smiling Jiwon, who pulls him into the house. It’s cozy inside, warm and bright, and Junhoe’s nerves settle just a little. A small woman comes into view and immediately engulfs Junhoe in a hug.

“You must be Junhoe. Jiwon’s told us all about you!” she says, and Junhoe feels surprised. “It’s wonderful that you two turned out to be such good friends,” she says.

Junhoe’s mood sours instantly, though no one would be able to tell. He’s become a pro at hiding his emotions. “Right. He’s a great friend,” he says, purposely not looking at Jiwon. If he does he might just turn around and leave now.

Dinner is delicious. Jiwon’s mom is an excellent cook. His father leads a prayer before they eat and Junhoe awkwardly shuts his eyes, mumbling an ‘amen’ at the end with everyone else. Junhoe spends most of dinner talking with Jiwon’s brother. He can feel Jiwon’s jealousy radiating next to him, but he pays it no mind. Let Jiwon have a taste of his own medicine.

Before he knows it it’s late, and he needs to head back. “I’ll be back in a minute mom, I’m gonna see Junhoe to the car,” Jiwon says.

“It was wonderful meeting you, Junhoe. Please come back any time,” Jiwon’s mother says with a smile, giving him a hug.

“Thank you,” Junhoe says sincerely. “And thank you for having me over.”

Junhoe slides into the back of the car, and Jiwon joins him, pulling the door shut. 

“You know, I think that’s the first motherly love I’ve ever gotten,” he laughs bitterly.

Jiwon frowns. “Come over more often,” he says.

“I don’t want to intrude,” Junhoe says, and he kisses Jiwon to distract him from arguing. 

  
  


Junhoe’s just gotten into bed when Jiwon calls.

“Hey,” Junhoe says, picking up the phone. 

“Hi,” Jiwon whispers back. “Everyone’s asleep and I was thinking about you.”

“Yeah?” Junhoe says. “And what were you thinking?”

“How much I miss you, and how much I wish I was touching your body,” Jiwon says, voice breathy.

Junhoe bites his lip. He can hear the desperation in Jiwon’s voice. “Gonna touch yourself thinking about me?” 

Jiwon groans. “Already am,” he says. 

Junhoe rubs his own dick through his boxers, ready for a round of phone sex. But unbidden, the thought of being referred to as Jiwon’s  _ friend  _ twice comes to his mind. It spoils the mood entirely.

“Yeah?” he says, sitting up. “What are you thinking about?” he asks. Jiwon doesn’t notice the lack of enthusiasm in Junhoe’s voice.

“Your mouth mostly. I love when it’s on me.”

Junhoe talks him through it until Jiwon comes with a muffled groan.

“It’s late,” Junhoe says when Jiwon’s breathing evens out.

“You don’t want to?” Jiwon asks. At least he’s aware enough that Junhoe hasn’t gotten off yet. 

“I’m too tired,” Junhoe lies.

“Oh,” Jiwon says, sounding disappointed, and Junhoe pretends he doesn’t hear it.

“Goodnight Jiwon,” Junhoe says.

“Night,” Jiwon says. Junhoe hangs up the phone.

He curls into his bed, burying his face in his pillow, pretending he isn’t crying.

He wonders if this is what heartbreak feels like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings  
> \- mention of child abuse

The rest of winter break disappears in a flash and before Junhoe knows it, he’s back in the dorms. He hasn’t seen Jiwon since Christmas, nearly two weeks ago. His feelings have settled and he’s just anxious to have him back in his arms. 

Jiwon isn’t there yet when he gets back, and Junhoe didn’t bring any luggage with him, so he decides on a nap. He crawls under his covers and knocks out. 

He’s not sure how much later it is when he feels a warm body pressed up against him. He snuggles his face into Jiwon’s chest and he can feel the rumble of Jiwon’s chuckle. He strokes Junhoe’s back, drawing soothing patterns and Junhoe can’t stay awake, slipping back under.

When he wakes up again, Jiwon is still there. “Hello sleepy head,” Jiwon says. 

“Hi,” Junhoe mumbles. “What time is it?”

“Almost six,” Jiwon answers, checking his phone.

“How long have you been here?” Junhoe asks, burying his face in Jiwon’s chest again. Jiwon strokes his hair. 

“Like two hours? You were out cold when I got here, and you just looked so cute. I couldn’t resist cuddling with you. I think I slept for a while too.” Jiwon says.

“You’re so warm, let’s never get up,” Junhoe says, listening to the heavy thump of Jiwon’s heartbeat.

“We have to, we’re meeting the boys at the canteen at seven,” Jiwon says, prodding Junhoe.

“Fuck ‘em” Junhoe mumbles.

“Junhoe,” Jiwon chastises, and throws the covers off them. Junhoe whines and curls up in a ball as cold air washes over him. 

“I hate you,” he groans.

“You don’t,” Jiwon says confidently, earning a glare.

“You’re right,” Junhoe sighs, sitting up. He runs a hand through his hair until it’s stylish messy and not nap messy.

“Come on, up,” Jiwon orders, tugging a reluctant Junhoe to his feet. 

“We’re not meeting them for another forty minutes,” Junhoe whines.

“I know, but I missed you and I want kisses,” Jiwon says, and Junhoe lets himself be pulled closer, until he’s flush with Jiwon. Their noses bump and their lips meet softly. “I missed you,” Jiwon says.

“We talked every day,” Junhoe says, stealing another kiss. 

“I know, but I missed spending all of my days with you,” Jiwon says.

“Sap,” Junhoe teases. But he feels the same. He feels empty without Jiwon around, even though he’d never say it out loud.

‘Yeah yeah,” Jiwon says, and hauls Junhoe in for a deeper kiss. Junhoe wraps his arms around Jiwon’s waist, hugging him close as Jiwon wraps his around Junhoe’s neck, fingers playing with Junhoe’s hair. They kiss slowly, soaking in each other. There’s tones of desperation in their kisses, and Junhoe wants nothing more than to push Jiwon back down on the bed and spend the rest of the night there.

  
  


“We need to go,” Jiwon mumbles between kisses. 

“No, we don't,” Junhoe says back.

Jiwon pulls back and Junhoe pouts. Jiwon gives him one more quick kiss. Junhoe reluctantly pulls his shoes and coat on and lets Jiwon pull him out into the cold night.

That doesn’t stop him from pouting through dinner. The group spends the time talking about all the fun things they did with their families. Junhoe is silent as he pokes at his dinner, not even bothering to make quips at the other boys’ expenses like he usually does.

Jiwon frowns as he looks at Junhoe, who’s staring down at his plate, stabbing his fork in and out of a piece of meat. “You okay?” Jiwon asks, leaning in to whisper in his ear. 

“Fine,” is all Junhoe says, not looking at Jiwon.

Jiwon doesn’t press, just rubs his back discreetly. He’s heard plenty about Junhoe’s home life to know not to push the issue. 

Finally, Junhoe escapes. They’d sat there for nearly an hour and a half talking. He and Jiwon walk back across the quad to their dorm building. It’s deserted at this hour and in this weather. Jiwon links their fingers, taking Junhoe by surprise. Jiwon never shows affection in public.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.

“No,” Junhoe says shortly, but he doesn’t pull his hand away. They make it back to the dorm, and shed their layers. It’s almost 9 and classes start early the next morning. “I’m gonna shower,” Junhoe says, disappearing into the bathroom.

Jiwon sits on the edge of his bed. Junhoe’s never felt farther away from him than he does now.

Junhoe scrubs himself raw in the shower, water burning his skin as it pours from the pipes. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. He wonders why he can’t be like everyone else. He must have done something to deserve such a shitty family. 

.

He’d been a good kid. He did as he was told by his nannies. He’d tried his hardest to win his father’s favor, his mother’s love. But all of it was in vain. No one loved him, no one would ever love him. He has to resist the urge to put his fist through the shower wall. For a second he wishes he was home so he’d at least have his gym to take his rage out on.

But it’s not rage, it’s grief.

Eventually the hot water runs out, and he’s forced out of the shower. He towels off, dressing in his pajamas and getting ready for bed slowly. He’s not ready to face Jiwon, or deal with the questions that are certainly waiting for him. 

But he can only delay it for so long. He steps quietly into the room. Jiwon’s back is to him, his phone to his ear. He’s speaking in English, and Junhoe wonders if it’s a family member from the States. 

He doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, he really doesn’t. But he can’t help it as he sits on his bed. It creaks, and Jiwon’s eyes flicker to him, and he gives him a small smile. Junhoe doesn’t return it. He’s worn out mentally and physically. Winter break had been harder than he’d ever imagined it. He can’t even imagine summer when they’ll be out of classes for three months.

Junhoe lays backs against his bed, closing his eyes, ready to try again tomorrow. That’s when what Jiwon says really sinks in.

Jiwon laughs. “Girlfriend? No, not yet. I’ll keep you updated, promise.”

Junhoe sits up, a sickening feeling bubbling in his stomach. He stands, unsure of what he’s doing. Jiwon sees him, the distressed look on his face and freezes.

“I’ve got to go, I’ll talk to you soon,” he says into the phone, eyes locked on Junhoe. He hangs up.

“What’s wrong Junhoe?” Jiwon asks.

“What are we, Jiwon?” Junhoe asks in perfect English. Jiwon flinches with the sudden realization that Junhoe understood everything.

“Junhoe,” he starts, but Junhoe cuts him off.

“Don’t,” Junhoe says, shaking with fury.

“I can explain,” Jiwon says, slipping back into Korean.

“Explain why you tell your family we’re friends. Tell other people you’re looking for a girlfriend? Go ahead Jiwon, explain,” Junhoe spits.

“We’re religious Junhoe. You don’t understand,” Jiwon pleads. “They’d hate me.”

“No, you don’t understand, Jiwon. You don’t know what I’ve gone through to be who I am. My father thought he could make me straight. He used to beat the shit out of me. I know what it’s like to have parents who don’t love you. You have a family, I don’t,” Junhoe says, shaking.

“And I can’t lose them. Junhoe, please,” Jiwon begs.

“I didn’t start any of this Jiwon. You did. You kissed me first. You were the one who wanted to be with me. You dragged me into this Jiwon. I was happy minding my own fucking business until you came into my life.” Junhoe’s fists are balled, and it takes everything in him not to swing.

Jiwon looks defeated. “I don’t want to lose my family, and I don’t want to lose you.”

“You can keep your family, but you can’t keep me,” Junhoe says, moving. He grabs a duffel bag, and begins to shove clothes in it. Jiwon reaches for him, touching his arm, and Junhoe slaps it away. 

“Don’t fucking touch me Jiwon,” he snarls. He zips the bag, grabs his backpack and phone, and storms from the room.

Junhoe keeps his composure until the door slams, and then he lets the tears flow. Inside the room, Jiwon collapses to the floor, in a state of shock. Too numb to do anything but stare at the door separating him from Junhoe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry im still not responding to comments, i've been feeling really bad mental health wise and honestly im kind of just on autopilot posting, please forgive me. i read them all and appreciate them so much


	13. Chapter 13

Junhoe doesn’t come back. Jiwon loses track of the time as he sits on the floor, staring at the door, willing it to open. He picks up his phone, dials Junhoe’s number. It goes straight to voicemail.

“Junhoe, I’m sorry. Please come back. Please. Can we at least talk about this?” he begs.

He doesn’t know what to do. He’s never felt so lost in his life.

He calls Jinhwan. He picks up on the first ring. 

“Please,” Jiwon says before Jinhwan can say anything. “Please, I need to talk to Junhoe.”

Jinhwan’s voice is stern when he answers. “Quit while you’re behind, Jiwon.” His name sounds like a curse as Jinhwan hangs up on him. 

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,” Jiwon swears, dropping his phone to the floor. His hands are fisted in his hair, tugging at it in his frustration. Tears pour down his face without his permission, and he curls up in a ball on the floor. He wants to go back to that night at Junhoe’s house, when they were so happy.

It’s his fault. Everything is his fault. He’s a coward. He should have told his family when he and Junhoe first started dating. But he’s terrified, so scared that they’ll be repulsed by him, maybe even disown him. And where will he be then? His family is the most important thing in the world to him.

To him, Junhoe is family. But he’s ruined it. Probably for good.

A week goes by without him seeing Junhoe. He doesn’t think the other has even come back to their dorm since. His stuff remains untouched, blankets still crumpled from where they’d cuddled. It hurts Jiwon to look at it. So he makes Junhoe’s bed, smoothing the blankets out until all traces of them are gone. 

He drinks too much. It’s the only thing he can think to do. He drowns his sorrows in vodka, ignores his friends, barely makes it to class. He’s desperate. If he could just talk to Junhoe he’s sure he could make him understand. 

So he goes to Junhoe’s class. It takes some digging through Junhoe’s desk to find a paper copy of his schedule, but he finds it eventually, crumpled and shoved in the back of a drawer. Junhoe’s class gets out in fifteen minutes, just enough time for Jiwon to get there. He runs out of the room barely remembering to grab a jacket on the way out. 

He makes it to the classroom just as students start trickling through the door. He looks frantically for Junhoe. He finally spots him, talking to one of his classmates, and hearing his voice for the first time in a week almost makes Jiwon cry.

Junhoe doesn’t look good. He’s got dark circles under his eyes. He’s normally impeccably dressed, but his clothes are ruffled. Jiwon wants to crawl in a hole. This is his fault. Junhoe looks up, eyes locking on Jiwon, and he excuses himself from his classmates, and starts walking towards Jiwon, a look of pure fury on his face. 

“Junhoe,” Jiwon starts to say, but Junhoe just grabs him forcefully by the arm, and drags him off into a side hallway that’s currently deserted.

“Are you stupid,” Junhoe hisses. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you Junhoe, and you won’t answer my calls, what else am I supposed to do?” Jiwon pleads. 

“I thought I made it pretty clear that I want you to leave me the fuck alone,” Junhoe spits, shoving Jiwon away from him.

“Can’t we just talk about it? Junhoe, please?” Jiwon begs. 

“Talk about what, Jiwon? How you won’t tell your family about us, how you won’t tell anyone about us? This was your idea Jiwon. From start to finish, this is all your doing for better or for worse,” Junhoe says, anger over flowing.

“Junhoe, please,” Jiwon cuts in.

“No,” Junhoe says. “We’re done with this conversation. I’m not going to be your dirty little secret Jiwon. Go find a nice girl to bring home to your family, and leave me alone.”

Junhoe turns and leaves, stomping off. Jiwon sinks to the floor, taking deep breaths and willing himself not to cry. Junhoe was never meant to be a secret, he’s just a coward. But Junhoe is right, this is all on him. He’d fallen for Junhoe without realizing, not until that night on the roof. 

He pulls his phone out and dials Donghyuk’s number with shaking hands.

“Jiwon?” Donghyuk asks, confused. He’s been trying to get a hold of Jiwon for ages.

“Can we talk?” he asks, tears evident in his voice.

“Of course we can, where are you?” Donghyuk asks.

“Can I come to your room instead?” Jiwon asks, pulling himself to his feet.

“Of course, I’ll be waiting,” Donghyuk says.

Donghyuk hugs Jiwon tight, and Jiwon sobs. He’s not sure how long he sits on Donghyuk’s bed crying, but when he finishes, his heart feels a little lighter for the first time in a week. He curls into Donghyuk’s side and tells him the whole story, from the night he first kissed Junhoe to their argument just now outside Junhoe’s classroom.

Donghyuk pulls back from Jiwon, and brushes some tears off his face. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” he says. 

“It’s not,” Jiwon protests. “I fucked everything up.”

“I’m not gonna lie to you Bobby, you messed up. But it doesn’t mean you can’t fix it,” Donghyuk says.

“But he won’t even talk to me, how can I fix any of this?” Jiwon asks, defeated.

Donghyuk sighs. “I think there’s things you need to do before you try talking to Junhoe,” he says. Jiwon looks at him, lost, and Donghyuk turns so they’re facing each other properly. “If you’re serious about him, you can’t expect him to be okay with being a secret to everyone else you love. Have you thought of coming out to your family?”

“I can’t!” Jiwon exclaims. “What if they hate me, or disown me? I’m going against everything I’m supposed to believe in. How can they still love me when they find out I’m like this?” He hangs his head, and Donghyuk nudges his chin up to look him in the eye.

“Bobby,” he says softly. “I have known your family since I was five years old. They love you. I have never seen a mother as loving as yours. She loves you so much, Jiwon. You need to have more faith in yourself and your family.”

Jiwon shakes his head. “I don’t know Donghyuk, I don’t know. I can’t take the risk, I can’t do it. 

“Then maybe you need to let Junhoe go,” Donghyuk says carefully. Jiwon stares at him. “You have to be fair to him and to yourself. If you can’t be with him fully, then you can’t string him along.” 

It sounds harsh but deep down Jiwon knows it’s true. 

Junhoe is steaming when he gets back to Jinhwan’s room. Jinhwan, Yunhyeong, and Hanbin all look up with surprised faces when the door slams shut. 

“What’s wrong?” Yunhyeong asks as Junhoe throws himself into the desk chair.

“Fucking Jiwon,” Junhoe curses.

“What’s new?” Jinhwan asks, bored.

“He came to my class today,” Junhoe says, fingers clenching and unclenching. Jinhwan’s eyebrows raise at that.

“What did he want?” Yunhyeong asks.

“To talk, but all he gave me were the same excuses he gave me last time,” Junhoe says, trying to calm down.

“I’m sorry,” Hanbin says. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Don’t,” Junhoe says. “I don’t want you dragged into this, it’s not your fault or your problem.”

“It is, though. You’re my friend, Jinhwan is my boyfriend, and Bobby has been my best friend for my entire life. I can’t stand seeing everyone like this,” Hanbin replies.

“Please, please don’t get involved,” Junhoe begs. “It’s hard enough, I don’t want you to have to pick sides or be in the middle of this mess.”

“Then figure something out,” Jinhwan says. “I love you, you know this. But firstly, you can’t stay here forever, you’re going to have to go back to your room and face him eventually. And you have to make peace because you’re stuck in that room with him until May.”

“How much do you think it would cost to get moved to a single room?” Junhoe asks, folding his arms on the desk and resting his chin on them. 

Jinhwan sighs. “You’re not acting like the Junhoe I know. You’ve been through worse than this and come out the other side stronger. I know this is your first heartache and break up, but trust me, life goes on. Make peace with Jiwon and we’ll find you someone who’s ready to love you.”

Junhoe frowns. He hates when Jinhwan is right. 

When Jiwon gets back to the dorm he feels dejected. Donghyuk’s advice has opened a hole in his soul. He doesn’t want to choose between his family and Junhoe, but Donghyuk is right, he can’t have everything. As it stands he risks losing everything.

He shuts the door quietly behind him as he steps into the room. He toes his shoes off, and his eyes automatically flicker to Junhoe’s side of the room, searching for him. Only this time, Junhoe is there. He’s sitting at his desk, earbuds in, bent over a book. He doesn’t notice Jiwon and so he takes a minute to just soak it in. Junhoe looks beautiful, hair falling in his face, features calm as he reads. It’s his Junhoe, the Junhoe he had before everything went to shit.

Jiwon can’t stand in the doorway forever, and eventually he steps into the room. He sits at his desk, and Junhoe’s eyes flicker to him, and quickly away, back to his work. Jiwon can’t help but feel sad. He just wants to talk. But he knows better than to push Junhoe, especially after this afternoon. So he plugs his own headphones in and gets to working on all the assignments he’s been avoiding the last week. He’s so behind it’s going to take him all night to catch up.

Eventually Junhoe gets up. Jiwon’s eyes are on him, but Junhoe pretends he doesn’t notice. He just grabs his pajamas and goes into the bathroom to get ready for bed. And somehow that makes Jiwon sadder than anything else. That Junhoe has no trust in him anymore. He’s royally fucked up, and he still doesn’t know what to do.

It’s late night when Jiwon is woken by a noise. His eyes pop open, mind scrambled, as he tries to figure out what’s going on. It takes him a solid minute to realize the noise is coming from Junhoe’s side of the room. Junhoe is whimpering, thrashing in his sleep. Jiwon stumbles out of bed. He doesn’t care what’s happening between them right now.

He rushes over to Junhoe’s bed, sits on the edge and shakes Junhoe, hard. Junhoe jerks away, arms flailing, nearly punching Jiwon in the mouth. Jiwon grabs him, and holds him close as he shakes, and Junhoe buries his face in Jiwon’s neck, and Jiwon can feel hot tears against his skin.

“Shh,” he whispers, rubbing Junhoe’s back. “Shh, I’ve got you, you’re okay.” Junhoe’s fingers dig into his skin but Jiwon doesn’t care, just rocks a trembling Junhoe back and forth.

“My dad,” Junhoe whispers, voice cracking.

“Is not here,” Jiwon says firmly. “He’s not going to touch you, I promise. He can’t reach you here.”

Junhoe doesn’t say anything, just holds onto Jiwon for dear life. Jiwon soothes him until Junhoe stops shaking, and his breathing evens out. Jiwon gently lowers him back to the bed, and tucks him back in. He brushes the tears gently off Junhoe’s cheeks, and kisses his forehead lightly. He stands, heading back to his bed.

He can’t let Junhoe go, as selfish as it is.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning Jiwon waits for Junhoe to say something. He’s greeted with silence. Junhoe doesn’t even spare him a glance as he gets ready and leaves for class. Jiwon sighs, dragging himself out of bed reluctantly. He can’t miss any more classes.

The nightmares don’t stop. Every night for a week Jiwon is woken up to a terrified Junhoe, and every night he holds him through it. But Junhoe never acknowledges it. Jiwon is worried, but Junhoe won’t even look at him, he can’t imagine what he’d do if he tried to talk to him about his nightmares.

Jiwon is alone in the room and it’s getting late. Junhoe isn’t back yet, and he’s concerned. He wants to text Jinhwan, but he’s not talking to him either. He pulls out his phone and decides to bypass Jinhwan entirely.

_ Bobby: Are you with Jinhwan? _

_ Hanbin: Yeah, why? _

_ Bobby: Is Junhoe with you? _

_ Hanbin: No haven’t seen him all night. Is everything alright? _

_ Bobby: I don’t know. _

Jiwon stays up as late as he can until his eyes start to droop and his computer screen blurs before his eyes. He reluctantly gets ready for bed. He’s just about asleep, when the door opens and Junhoe comes in. Jiwon’s eyes pop open. 

He can smell the alcohol from his bed. Junhoe is completely tanked as he staggers into the room. 

“Junhoe?” he asks, worried.

“Don’t talk to me,” Junhoe slurs.

Jiwon slides out of bed. “You can be mad at me all you want, but you’re not okay right now.” Jiwon moves to grab a tilting Junhoe and gets shoved away.

“Leave me the fuck alone,” he growls. Jiwon just grabs him again and steers him towards his bed, letting him fall onto it.

“If you won’t let me help you, find someone who can,” Jiwon says, crouching down in front of Junhoe’s bed. “Because I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

Junhoe doesn’t answer, staring at the ceiling. Jiwon sighs and stands up, going back to his own bed. 

_ Jiwon: Can I talk to you for a second. _

_ Jinhwan: It better be important _

_ Jiwon: Junhoe is having nightmares _

_ Jinhwan: how long has this been going on??? _

_ Jiwon: A week, and he’s drunk off his ass right now. _

_ Jinhwan: I’ll talk to him. _

Jiwon sets his phone down, and looks over at Junhoe, who’s snoring softly. He sighs and settles back into bed, his thoughts dragging him down into sleep. For the first night in a week, Junhoe doesn’t dream.

Another week passes, and Junhoe continues to spiral. He won’t talk to anyone about it, not even Jinhwan. Jiwon is worried and afraid for him, but he doesn’t know what to do. Junhoe won’t talk to him, and has been avoiding him even more than usual. 

Jiwon knows what he has to do.

Junhoe gets back from class on Friday, and groans internally when he sees Jiwon in the room. He should be in class right now, but he’s shoving clothes into his bag, and Junhoe’s curiosity gets the better of him.

“What are you doing?” Junhoe sighs, used to Jiwon’s dramatics at this point. He’s expecting him to say he’s staying with Donghyuk until Junhoe stops being mean to him. He doesn’t expect what comes next.

“Packing,” Jiwon says vaguely, not looking and Junhoe frowns. He’s supposed to be the one ignoring Jiwon, not the other way around.

“Okay?” Junhoe says. “Where are you going?”

“Home,” Jiwon says, still shoving things in his bag, leaving Junhoe even more confused.

“Are you dropping out?” Junhoe asks, stepping closer. 

“Don’t be stupid,” Jiwon says, still not looking at Junhoe.

Junhoe prickles. “Why are you going home?”

“Family matter to take care of,” Jiwon says, zipping up the bag. He stands up, and tosses it over by the door. He pulls his coat and shoes on, and grabs the bag, leaving before Junhoe can say anything else.

Junhoe stares at the closed door, utterly baffled by the way Jiwon had just acted. To be entirely honest, he’s concerned. Jiwon has never acted like this before. He just hopes nothing bad has happened to anyone. Jiwon’s family is so kind and caring, and his current feelings towards Jiwon don’t change that.

Jiwon takes a cab home. He’s so anxious he feels like his heart is going to rip out of his chest. He thinks of Junhoe, and how he couldn’t look at him or he would have spilled everything to him. He doesn’t want to tell him anything until this is all over. 

The cab drops him off in front of his house, and he stands outside for a long minute, just looking at it, wondering if this is the last time he’ll be allowed in it. Finally he turns his key in the lock, and steps inside. 

It’s warm, and he can smell his mom’s cooking from the kitchen. “Hello?” she calls.

“It’s Jiwon, mom,” he calls back.

“Jiwonnie!” she exclaims, coming out of the kitchen. “What are you doing here, is everything okay?” she asks, grabbing him in a fierce hug.

“Everything’s fine. mom. I just missed you guys so I thought I would come spend the weekend with you. If that’s okay?” he says cautiously.

“Of course it’s okay!” she exclaims. “I just saw you a few weeks ago though, are you sure you’re okay? You look worried honey.” She pats his face.

“I actually wanted to talk to something, but can it wait until after dinner? I’m starving,” Jiwon asks.

“You’re not in some kind of trouble are you?” She asks, looking up into his eyes, and Jiwon wishes he could just push the thoughts of how he feels for Junhoe into her head so she would understand. 

“No, no, it’s nothing like that. I promise,” he says. Though he wonders if he’s about to be in trouble. 

“Okay,” she says, taking his hand and pulling him into the dining room where his father is already sitting at the table. He goes through the same conversation with him, before taking his place. A few minutes later his mom comes out with the food, and they all eat in comfortable silence. 

“I’ll wash the dishes,” Jiwon says a while later when they’ve finished. 

“You don’t need to honey,” his mom says.

“It’s okay, I want to help out,” he says, standing and gathering the plates.

He washes the dishes, his mind racing. He still doesn’t know how to tell his parents. Doesn’t know what exactly to tell them, or how much. He’s lost. He finished washing up five minutes ago and he’s still standing at the sink.

“Honey,” his mother says gently, and he jumps. He didn’t hear her come in. “Come talk to us. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out together, okay?” He nods, and she leads him to the living room. He sinks into a chair, and his mother sits on the couch next to his father.

“I,” Jiwon starts, and stops, shaking his head. He bites his lip, tears welling in his eyes. 

“Honey, please tell me what’s wrong. You’re worrying me,” his mother says, leaning forward and taking his hands in hers. 

“Mom, dad, please don’t hate me,” he begs.

“We could never hate you Jiwon, please talk to us,” his dad says. 

Jiwon closes his eyes tight, tears leaking through. “I’m in love with a boy,” he whispers.

His mom’s hands disappear from his, and Jiwon can feel the tension in the room as he curls in on himself. 

“I’m sorry,” he says and it comes out as a sob. There are tears pouring down his face and he can’t bring himself to open his eyes, can’t bear to see the look on his parents' faces. 

“Jiwon,” his mother says, and her voice is full of tears. Jiwon feels like his heart is being ripped in two. “Jiwon, look at me.” 

Jiwon shakes his head, but her soft hands return, stroking his. “My Jiwon, open your eyes.”

He reluctantly blinks them open, eyes blurry from tears. His mom is crying, but she holds on tight to Jiwon not letting him go. His eyes flicker to his father, who looks more confused than anything.

“Do you hate me?” he whispers.

“No, honey, no. You’re our baby boy, we could never hate you,” she says, and his dad nods in agreement. “I’m not going to lie to you and say this is easy, but I love you.”

Jiwon can’t stop his tears, and she reaches up, wiping them. “This isn’t the life I imagined for you, but I want you to be happy, and I love you.”

Jiwon moves, sinking to his knees in front of his mom, and she hugs him close, rocking him back and forth until the tears stop and his breathing evens out. He moves out of the hug and sits back in his chair. He looks at his parents hesistantly.

“Tell us about him,” his mother encourages him. Her eyes are dry, and filled with love for her youngest son. 

“You met him,” Jiwon says, scuffing his toe against the floor. “You remember Junhoe?”

“Oh!” his mother makes a noise of surprise. “He’s such a sweet boy. I’m happy for you Jiwon, genuinely. As a mother, all we want is our children to be happy and healthy,” she says, patting his knee.

Jiwon’s laugh sounds bitter. “He broke up with me,” he says, tears threatening to spill again. “I’m not happy mom, not at all.”

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?” she asks. 

“It’s because I was a coward, and I wouldn’t tell you,” he says quietly. “I wanted to keep him a secret and that wasn’t fair to him, I can see that now.” He sighs, and moves to the couch, sinking into his mother’s side. She wraps an arm around him, and kisses the top of his head.

“Life is full of lessons, Jiwon. Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s important to learn from them. If you do you won’t fall into the same pattern. I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Junhoe, but I promise there's someone out there that you’re meant to be with,” she says, her hand rubbing his shoulder.

“He’s the only one I want mom,” Jiwon says, tears falling again.

“Then you need to talk to him, and apologize, sincerely,” she tells him firmly. “If he’s that important to you, you have to show him you mean it.”

“Thanks, mom,” Jiwon says. He stays cuddled up to her for a while before sitting back up. “I’m tired, I think I’m going to head to bed early. I love you.”

“I love you too Jiwon, no matter what. Never forget that,” she says.

“I won’t,” he promises. He glances over at his father who’d fallen asleep on the couch ages ago. 

He heads down the hallway to his room, shutting the door behind him quietly. He sits on the edge of his bed and stares at the phone in his hands. He wants to call Junhoe, to hear his voice, to tell him everything. But he knows he needs to do it in person. So he texts Hanbin.

_ Bobby: Hey, you still up? _

_ Hanbin: Yeah, where the hell are you? Jinhwan said Junhoe told him you left?? _

_ Bobby: I just went home for the weekend that’s all _

_ Hanbin: Is everything okay? _

_ Bobby: I came out to my parents. _

_ Hanbin: Are you okay? _

_ Hanbin: How did they take it? _

_ Hanbin: Do you need me to come get you? _

_ Bobby: Calm down _

_ Bobby: They honestly took it pretty well considering. I think they’re struggling with it a little bit, but mom put on a brave face for my sake. _

_ Hanbin: That’s good, right? _

_ Bobby: Yeah. It went much better than I expected. Mom said I need to talk to Junhoe, but I don’t think he’ll want to talk to me _

_ Hanbin: Take the weekend to think about it, you don’t have to talk to him right now. _

_ Bobby: You’re right, as always _

_ Hanbin: I am, now go to bed I’m tired. _

Jiwon plugs his phone in, and lays back against the bed. He stares up at the ceiling, feeling himself begin to drift off. He dreams of Junhoe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you think will happen next? :O


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings for homophobic violence

Junhoe is at his desk when Jiwon gets back Sunday afternoon. Jiwon’s stomach is a mess of butterflies and knots. He doesn’t look at Junhoe as he unpacks his bag, tossing his dirty clothes in his laundry basket. He puts the rest of his things away, and tucks his bag back in the closet. He’s tiptoeing around, he can practically feel Junhoe’s eyes on his back. He turns and catches Junhoe looking.

“What?” he asks, steeling himself.

“Everything okay with your family?” Junhoe asks.

“More than fine actually, they’re great,” Jiwon says, sitting on his bed.

“Yeah?” Junhoe asks, confused by Jiwon’s barely contained enthusiasm. “What happened?” he asks. It’s the first time he’s willingly talked to Jiwon in weeks and it feels weird.

“I came out to my parents,” Jiwon says, a soft smile on his face. 

“I take it it went well, then?” Junhoe says, raising an eyebrow.

“It went really well. I think it was hard for them at first, but my mom said she loves me unconditionally,” Jiwon says. 

“I’m happy for you,” Junhoe says, before going back to typing the essay he’s working on. Jiwon frowns. This wasn’t the reaction he was expecting.

“Don’t you see what this means, Junhoe? We can be together again,” he says, trying to hide the desperation in his voice.

Junhoe sighs, and looks up from his laptop. “No, it doesn’t Jiwon. I told you I wasn’t going to be your little secret, and I meant it. You told your parents, but it’s too little too late. I told you I was done, and I meant it. You don’t get to hurt me, and come back just because you finally grew a spine.”

Jiwon’s mouth gapes open slightly. “Junhoe. I did this for us,” he pleads.

“No, you did it for yourself. And I’m happy you did, I really am. Now the next guy you date you can be happy with,” Junhoe says, turning back to his computer, but he’s not focusing, not really. Jiwon’s displeasure is overwhelming.

“I don’t want anyone but you, Junhoe,” Jiwon whispers, tears threatening to spill over.

“Then you should have thought about that a long time ago,” Junhoe says plainly. He looks up and something inside him shrivels when he sees Jiwon’s crumpled face. He sighs. “I’ll spend the night at Yunhyeong’s,” he says, shutting his laptop.

“Don’t bother,” Jiwon says standing up. “I’ll go to Hanbin’s.” He grabs his backpack and leaves the room, wiping his face. 

Junhoe drops his head against the desk with a thump as the door shuts. He’s not sure what he’s just done. He watched Jiwon’s heart shatter the way his own had that night, but it doesn’t feel good, or like revenge. It just feels like shit. He debates going after Jiwon, but he doesn’t. He opens his laptop and gets back to writing his essay. He makes little progress but it’s enough to distract him for now. 

It’s late, and he’s getting ready for bed when his phone dings. It’s probably Jinhwan. He’s sure he’s heard from Hanbin all about what happened by now. He picks up his phone, swiping it open without paying much attention. 

_ Father: I will be home Thursday. I expect you for dinner at 7. _

Junhoe doesn’t bother answering. His father knows he’ll be there. He climbs in bed, but his thoughts keep him awake for nearly an hour before he falls asleep.

When he wakes up screaming from a nightmare, there’s no one to hold him this time.

Junhoe is disoriented when he wakes up the next morning, taking several minutes to realize he’s in his dorm, and not a fifteen year old who’s just been caught kissing a boy by his father. He drags himself out of bed, groggy, and throws himself into the shower, hoping the water will wake him up.

It does, but he carries a sick feeling in his stomach the entire day.

  
  
  


“Why aren’t you eating?” Jinhwan asks between bites of food.

“Not hungry,” Junhoe says, poking at his food.

“Is this about Jiwon?” Jinhwan asks, staring at Junhoe like he’s trying to read his soul. 

Junhoe glares at him.

“Yes,” Jinhwan says plainly.“Hanbin did tell me about last night.”

“It might surprise you to know that my entire life does not revolve around Jiwon,” Junhoe snaps.

“Debatable,” Jinhwan counters, taking another bite of his food. 

“I’m having dinner with my dad on Thursday,” Junhoe says, pushing his plate away, suddenly nauseated. 

“You’re not going,” Jinhwan says sternly. 

“You say that like I have a choice. Don’t forget who controls my finances,” Junhoe says. 

“I don’t like this,” Jinhwan says. 

“It is what it is. I’ll eat dinner, take whatever lecture is coming my way and get the fuck out of there, Junhoe says, putting on a brave face like he isn’t terrified. 

  
  


Jiwon comes back that night. He doesn’t look at Junhoe as he sets his laptop on his desk and sits down to do work. He’d spent most of the previous evening crying in Hanbin’s arms about how heartbroken he was. 

He’s made up his mind to let Junhoe go. It’s what the other wants after all. But right now his heart feels shattered into millions of pieces and he doesn’t know where to start to put them back together. 

He risks a look at Junhoe. He’s sitting with his feet up on his desk, drinking directly from a bottle of whiskey. From the looks of the bottle, he’s been at it awhile. 

“It’s a bit early in the week for binge drinking, isn’t it?” Jiwon asks. 

“Mind your business and I’ll mind mine,” Junhoe slurs. But he puts the bottle down on the desk. He stumbles slightly as he gets up, bumping into his desk. Jiwon wants to help him but he doesn’t think it would go very well. Junhoe just strips his shirt and pants and crawls in bed. 

If only Jiwon knew that alcohol was the only way to keep the nightmares at bay. 

Thursday, Junhoe skips his classes. He spends the day pacing his dorm. His nerves are getting the better of him, and there’s nothing he can do to stop the spiral. Nothing good ever comes out of seeing his father. It’s strange that his father even told him to come home. Most of the time he prefers that Junhoe not be there.

A car picks him up at 6, and he settles into the backseat. His leg bounces ceaselessly the entire ride. The streets of Seoul fly past him, and he wishes he was back in his dorm, getting drunk.

Junhoe steps out of the car and into the blustery night, hurrying into the house. He strips his coat, handing it off to a servant, and slips out of his shoes, stepping up onto the main landing of the house. 

It’s 6:55. “Where’s my father?” Juhoe asks.

“In the dining room, sir,” a servant answers.

Junhoe makes his way there, shoulders back and head held high. He’ll walk into this trap with dignity. 

His father is sitting at one end of the dining table, the seat farthest from the door. Junhoe takes the seat farthest from his father. Servants fill the room, bringing out food, and they eat in silence. One they’re finished, his father leans back against his chair and appraises his son.

“Junhoe,” he says.

“Father,” Junhoe answers.

“Your school work?” he asks.

“Impeccable, as always,” Junhoe says, waiting for his father to get to what he brought him here for.

“Good. You’ll start interning this summer. Walk with me.”

_ Uh oh.  _ Junhoe stands, body stiff as he follows his father down the hallways, away from the servants.

“I was thinking about our last conversation,” his father says, turning to him. Junhoe freezes like a deer caught in headlights.

“He’s no longer a problem,” Junhoe says carefully.

“Good. However you are a problem.” His father grabs him by the neck, slamming him against the wall so hard Junhoe sees stars. “I won’t have you disgracing this family. Cavorting, and being an abomination. You’ll find a girlfriend, do you understand?” His father lets go of him, and Junhoe sucks in a breath. His father fixes his cufflinks.

“I’ll do no such thing,” Junhoe bites back, straightening up. “I won’t be who I’m not. Not for you, not for anyone.”

He sees the fist but he’s too slow to react. His father’s fist connects with his face, hitting him square in the mouth. Junhoe’s head whips to the side, and blood spatters against the wall from his busted lip.

Junhoe goes into panic mode, shoving at his father, trying to get some space between them. The next punch hits him in the side of his face, his vision blurring. He stumbles and falls, hitting the ground with a loud thump. A sharp kick in the side has him curling on himself. He’s crying and begging, but it lasts for what feels like a lifetime.

He hears his father walking away, but he’s paralyzed, too scared to move, scared his father will come back. 

“Mr. Koo,” a nervous looking servant appears a century later. He gently helps Junhoe to his feet. “Your driver is outside.”

Junhoe stumbles through the house, falling into the wall more than once. He’s dizzy and disoriented, but he makes it to the door. A servant drapes his coat over him, and he shoves his shoes on, stumbling out into the night. 

He collapses into the car, and barely notices when it starts moving. Time and space blur together around him, and suddenly he’s back in his dorm building. It’s late and no one is around. He pulls his hood over his head so no one can see his busted face, and half stumbles, half crawls up the stairs to his floor. His hands shake as he tries to unlock the door. He can’t get the key in, fumbling. Jiwon must hear from the other side of the door, because it swings open, and Junhoe stumbles in, losing his balance.

Jiwon catches him, arms under his, pulling him back to his feet. Junhoe keeps his face down.

“Are you drunk?” Jiwon asks, and there’s a laugh in his voice.

“No,” Junhoe slurs, pulling away from Jiwon. He grabs his desk to steady himself. 

“You don’t have to lie to me,” Jiwon says.

“I’m not,” Junhoe says, and there are tears in his voice.

Jiwon is immediately concerned. “Junhoe, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Junhoe mumbles, swaying on his feet.

“Look at me, please, Junhoe,” Jiwon says. Junhoe doesn’t, and Jiwon reaches a hand out to him, and Junhoe flinches, his hood falling back, exposing his face to Jiwon.

“Jesus Christ, Junhoe. What the fuck?” Jiwon freaks out. Junhoe makes eye contact with him, just before his vision gives out and he collapses into Jiwon’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry guys, i'm still not feeling great, but thank you all so much for caring and encouraging me. it means more than you know <3


	16. Chapter 16

Junhoe wakes up in an incredible amount of pain. He groans, and opens his eyes. Only, his left eye won’t open, it’s swollen shut. He tries to sit up but the pain in his ribs forces him back. Hands softly push him back against the bed, and he blinks until his vision clears and he can see Jinhwan and Jiwon standing above him. 

“What?” he mumbles, confused. Jinhwan’s face fills his vision as he gently brushes Junhoe’s hair off his face, inspecting his eye. 

“I told you not to go,” Jinhwan says, but there’s worry laced in his voice.

“Had to,” Junhoe says, shutting his eye. Everything hurts so much.

“What do we do?” Jiwon asks frantically. “Shouldn’t we take him to the hospital?”

“No,” Junhoe says, reaching for Jiwon, finding his hand. “That’ll make him more mad. I’m fine.”

Jiwon clutches Junhoe’s hand. “You’re not fine, Junhoe. You had the shit beat out of you, and you passed out. What part of that is okay?”

“He’s right though,” Jinhwan says, sitting on the edge of the bed. “We can’t take him to the hospital. His dad is too powerful. We’ll just have to take care of it.”

“What are we supposed to do?” Jiwon asks, panicked. 

“You stay here with Junhoe, I’ll go get supplies,” Jinhwan says standing, and Jiwon takes his place, still holding tight to Junhoe’s hand. Junhoe doesn’t open his eyes again, it’s too much work. He drifts in and out of consciousness.

He can hear Jiwon talking, but it’s hard to tune it. “Everything’s going to be fine,” Jiwon says. “I’ll kill your dad myself.”

“Shh, Jiwon,” Junhoe slurs. “It’s okay, I’m fine.” Jiwon is on the brink of tears. He can’t stand seeing Junhoe like this, can’t stand Junhoe being so nonchalant about it. Junhoe’s breathing evens out, and Jiwon just watches him until Jinhwan gets back.

Jiwon stands, reluctantly letting go of Junhoe’s hand. 

“Hey, Junhoe, open your eyes,” Jinhwan says, patting Junhoe’s face until he blinks his good eye open and focuses it on him. “Okay, I don’t think you have a concussion. Let’s get your face cleaned up.”

“Fuck,” Junhoe swears when Jinhwan cleans his lip with alcohol. He squirms, groaning in pain the entire time. 

“Jiwon, hold him down, gently,” Jinwhan orders, and Jiwon moves, hands on Junhoe’s shoulders. 

“Jinhwan,” Junhoe whimpers as Jinhwan cleans the cut above his eye. His left eye is black and swollen, but Jinhwan doesn’t think there’s any permanent damage. He produces a pill from his pocket, and nudges Junhoe’s mouth open.

“Swallow,” he orders, and Junhoe obeys without question. 

“What was that?” Jiwon asks.

“A very strong painkiller, don’t ask me where I got it,” Jinhwan answers. “This is gonna hurt Junhoe, but I’ve got to make sure your ribs aren’t broken. Jiwon, get on the bed and hold him down properly.”

Jiwon swallows his nerves and climbs on the bed, straddling Junhoe’s hips. He sits on his lap, and holds his shoulders down. He understands why when Jinhwan begins to prod Junhoe’s ribs. Junhoe cries out and thrashes, Jiwon the only thing keeping him still. Tears pour down his face. 

“You’re hurting him,” Jiwon protests.

“Jiwon, if you don’t shut up,” Jinhwan says, concentrating. He stops and wipes the tears off Junhoe’s face with his sleeve. “I’m sorry,” he says to Junhoe. Junhoe keeps his eyes shut tight. “Nothing’s broken, just bruised, which is better.”

Jiwon gently climbs off Junhoe, and goes back to his side of the room. He’s shaken from what he’s seen. He can’t get the image of Junhoe’s eyes rolling back as he collapsed out of his head. He’s near tears as he watches Jinhwan tuck Junhoe in carefully. The pill must be working because the tenseness has melted from Junhoe’s form, and he seems peacefully asleep for now.

“Do you want me to spend the night?” Jinhwan asks.

Jiwon shakes his head. “It’s fine, just tell me what to do.”

Jinhwan produces a bottle with more pills. “If he’s disoriented or not making sense, call me right away, I’ll leave my ringer on loud. He can have one of these pills every six hours for pain. I’ll email his teachers that he had an accident, and the only thing we can do is wait,” Jinhwan says. 

“Right,” Jiwon says, taking the bottle. 

“And Jiwon?” Jinhwan says softly.

“What?”

“He’s going to be okay. I know it’s hard to hear this, but he’s been through worse,” Jinhwan says.

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” Jiwon says.

“Just call if you need anything,” Jinhwan says, leaving the room. 

Jiwon sleeps like shit. Junhoe groans in his sleep, occasionally crying out, and everytime, Jiwon sits on the edge of the bed, and runs his fingers through Junhoe’s hair until he calms down. He’s never been this upset in his entire life. He finally understands what Junhoe meant when he said he had to fight to be himself. 

The next morning, Junhoe is significantly more coherent. He takes a pain pill, waiting for it to kick in before he gingerly sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed. He reaches a hand out for Jiwon who gently pulls him to his feet. Junhoe sways, and for a second Jiwon thinks he’s going to pass out again, but he rights himself, and begins to shuffle towards the bathroom.

“I need to shower,” Junhoe says, but there’s something hesitant in his voice that Jiwon can’t puzzle out. “Will you help me?” he asks, embarrassed when Jiwon doesn’t say anything.

“Oh. Oh, yeah, of course. Whatever you need,” Jiwon answers. He carefully pulls Junhoe’s shirt off, and winces at the bruises that cover his torso. He helps Junhoe out of the rest of his clothes and guides him into the warm water. Junhoe groans, but the heat helps his muscles.

“Err, I’m not sure how to do this,” Jiwon says. 

“Just get naked and help me clean up. It’s nothing I haven’t seen,” he says when Jiwon hesitates.

It’s hard to fight that rationale. But it feels weird. They’re no longer together. And yet, here he is, naked with Junhoe again. He steps into the shower, and it brings back memories of not so long ago when they showered together with an entirely different purpose. 

He washes Junhoe down carefully, before helping him dry off, and get dressed in easy to remove clothing.

“Lie down and rest,” Jiwon says.

Junhoe wants to argue but he has no strength. He sinks into the bed with a heavy sigh. “Thanks Jiwon.”

“What are friends for?” Jiwon answers, but he feels something crack inside.

“Is that what we are?” Junhoe asks.

“Well, if we’re not together I want us to at least be friends. If you want that, that is,” Jiwon says cautiously.

“Okay. Friends it is,” Junhoe mumbles already drifting off. Jiwon is glad for it, because it means Junhoe misses the tears he sheds.

Junhoe barely gets out of bed for two days, coasting along the lines of consciousness thanks to the pills Jinhwan had provided. Jiwon wants to stay by his side, but Jinhwan and Hanbin force him to go to class, reminding him he can’t afford to flunk out. So he goes, reluctantly. He rushes back as soon as his last class gets out, stopping only to grab food for the both of them.

Junhoe is awake when he gets back, and Jiwon shoves the door shut with his foot. “Hey," he says softly, and Junhoe pulls himself into a sitting position, hiding his wince. Jiwon sees it anyway. “How are you feeling?”

“Better than before,” Junhoe says. It’s not a lie. He’s still in a ton of pain, but it’s become bearable. “Where’d you go?”

“Study session for a class,” Jiwon says, handing Junhoe a pile of food.

“On a Saturday?” Junhoe questions.

“Ah, I’m a little behind so it was better safe than sorry,” he says, sitting at the end of Junhoe’s bed with his own load of food. They eat in silence. There’s so much Jiwon wants to say to Junhoe, but it never feels like the right time. He chews his food, and wallows in his thoughts.

“I can hear you thinking,” Junhoe says, crumpling up a wrapper and tossing it towards the trash bin, missing terribly. “What is it?” he asks.

Jiwon shakes his head. “Nothing important,” he says, picking at his sandwich.

“I know you better than that. Spill,” Junhoe orders, and Jiwon looks up, making eye contact with him. It’s been sitting like a heavy weight in his stomach for ages now. He sighs, and turns so he’s facing Junhoe properly. 

“I owe you an apology,” Jiwon says. Junhoe opens his mouth to protest, but Jiwon holds his hand up. “I do. I wanted to be with you, but I didn’t want to tell anyone because I was scared. And that wasn’t fair to you, and I understand that now. And I’m sorry I messed everything up between us,” he says, ending in a sigh. “So if you still want to be friends, I’d like that. If not, I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the semester until you get a new roommate next year.”

“Jiwon,” Junhoe says softly. “I understand why you did what you did. I hid from my family for as long as I could because I knew they would hate me. Unfortunately, I was right. You got lucky. You have a family that loves you unconditionally, and I won’t lie and say I’m not jealous. It hurts that your family accepted you so easily, when this is what I get.”

Junhoe goes quiet for a long moment and Jiwon doesn’t press him. “But yet, I want us to be friends. I like you Jiwon. You’re a good guy, much better than I thought you would be. And I don’t want to lose you in my life. So lets be good friends, okay?”

Jiwon nods. “Okay,” he says softly. “Do you need more meds?”

“No,” Junhoe shakes his head slightly. “It doesn’t hurt as bad anymore. I’ll be fine by Monday.” 

“Alright,” Jiwon says. “I’m going to get some work done, let me know if you need anything.”

“Okay,” Junhoe agrees, settling back down to sleep some more.

Jiwon moves to his desk, plugging in his earbuds to keep the volume down. He looks over at Junhoe who looks peacefully at rest. He doesn’t want to be Junhoe’s friend. He wants to be his boyfriend, to kiss him, sleep next to him, all the things they used to do. But if friendship is all Junhoe is willing to give, Jiwon will take it.

It’s more than he deserves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not posting this yesterday, it was not a good day


	17. Chapter 17

Time goes by and Junhoe’s wounds heal. Jiwon’s heart still aches for him. He wants to take him home to his mother so she can cook for him and love him the way he should have been as a child. 

Jiwon does a good job of keeping his feelings for Junhoe under wraps. He grows a little more dejected each day, but he’s also just happy to have Junhoe by his side. 

Things fall into an easy lull with them as spring begins. The days begin to warm up, and Jiwon cheers the first day he can go to class with just a hoodie. Junhoe laughs at him, also putting on a sweater. 

They walk across the quad, which is slowly gaining its color back. The trees are budding and the grass is green. It feels like a new beginning. It feels like anything could happen. Jiwon feels truly happy in this moment. 

They part ways, heading to their respective classes. They both spend the morning with back to back classes, and by the time they’re done they’re starving. 

Jinhwan and Hanbin are already at the canteen when they arrive, table piled high with food. Junhoe slides in next to Jinhwan and Jiwon plops down next to Hanbin. They all dig in. Junhoe’s eyes keep flickering to Jiwon, though Jinhwan is the only one who notices. 

He says nothing, but makes note of it for a later date. Right now he’s playing footsie with Hanbin and he has other things to think about. 

The next week passes without incident. Junhoe’s nightmares have subsided finally, and he seems to be doing better. Jiwon catches him frowning sometimes when they’re alone. He wants to ask what’s wrong but he knows Junhoe won’t talk until he’s ready. 

His heart still hurts. He’s so in love with Junhoe it hurts. He misses the intimacy they had. He misses the blow jobs too, but mostly he misses laying curled in Junhoe’s arms just talking, filling each other with their secrets. 

More days pass and something seems off with Junhoe. He’s moody, and Jiwon often catches him staring off into space, his forehead crinkled with a frown. 

“You okay?” Jiwon finally asks one day when they’re alone in their room. Junhoe’s been staring at the wall for the better part of five minutes. 

“Hmm?” Junhoe answers. “Yeah, of course. I’m fine.”

“You seem a little out of it,” Jiwon says, pushing his luck. “Are you having nightmares again?”

Junhoe shakes his head. “No. I’m just stressed out from my classes. I’m fine really.”

“Okay,” Jiwon says hesitantly. He doesn’t believe Junhoe in the slightest. He’s seen Junhoe agitated and stressed out and this is something different. He can feel it. 

He decides to text Jinhwan later that night. 

_ Jiwon: Hey, have you noticed anything wrong with Junhoe? _

_ Jinhwan: You mean him being a complete space case? _

_ Jiwon: Yeah, that. I’m worried.  _

_ Jinhwan: I’ve got it under control. I’m going to talk to him.  _

_ Jiwon: so you know what it’s about? _

_ Jinhwan: I have a pretty good idea. But I can’t tell you right now, he’ll have to. I’ll let you know when I talk to him.  _

_ Jiwon: Thanks  _

  
  
  


It’s a Tuesday afternoon, and Junhoe is sitting in the library. He’s had his work spread out in front of him for two hours. He’s accomplished almost nothing. He’s thinking about Jiwon again. He’s done nothing but think about him for weeks now, every since that night at his father’s house.

He thinks of how tender Jiwon was with him, how caring he was. Even in the days after, he helped Junhoe with everything. He thinks of the nights Jiwon held him until the fear of his nightmares subsided. Jiwon, a lost, confused boy. And what has Junhoe done for him in return? Misplaced his anger, been petty.

He’s lost in these thoughts when his phone buzzes.

_ Jinhwan: Come to my room _

_ Junhoe: I’m studying _

_ Jinhwan: No you aren’t _

_ Junhoe: I’m busy _

_ Jinhwan: It wasn’t a request. _

Junhoe rolls his eyes, but packs up his things. He makes his way across the quad, pulling his hood up. It’s a windy day, and Junhoe feels like he’ll be knocked over. He hurries back to his dorm building, and climbs the stairs to Jinhwan’s floor. He knocks, and the door swings open to reveal Jinhwan.

“What was so important?” Junhoe asks. Yunhyeong is nowhere to be found as he steps into the room. 

“Sit,” Jinhwan says pointing at his bed. Junhoe gives him an odd look but sits. Jinhwan sits down next to him. 

“What’s been going on with you,” Jinhwan asks. 

“Nothing,” Junhoe says confused. 

“Bullshit. Everyone’s noticed that your head is in the clouds and certain people are worried,” Jinhwan turns to look at him. 

“It’s nothing, really,” Junhoe swears. He already wants this conversation to end. But he knows Jinhwan better than that. 

“Junhoe,” Jinhwan says, warning in his voice. 

“Fine, alright, whatever,” Junhoe says, defeated. “It’s Jiwon.”

“Yes, and?” Jinhwan says like he’s hearing something he’s known for ages

“What do you mean ‘and’” Junhoe pouts. 

“Would you please just spit it out Junhoe, I have a dick appointment in an hour.”

“You’re so obnoxious,” Junhoe snorts. “And fine. I think I’m in love with Jiwon,” he says, deflating slightly. 

“That’s what has you like this?” Jinhwan asks incredulously. “Junhoe you’ve been in love with him. You’re just dense.”

Junhoe frowns, picking at his nails. “But I don’t know if I should be with him. Or if he even wants to be with me still.”

“Okay, give me the reasons you shouldn’t be with him,” Jinhwan says. 

“He hurt me badly, Jinhwan. What am I if I brush that all off and pretend it never happened?”

“Who says you have to pretend it never happened? You accept that it did and you move on. You can accept that someone has grown and changed, Junhoe,” Jinhwan says softly. 

Junhoe doesn’t look up from his hands. “It doesn’t matter anyway, he’s probably moved on. We’re friends now,” he says, the words tasting bitter in his mouth. 

“I’ve seen the way the two of you look at each other. There’s more than friendship there,” Jinhwan says. 

“Maybe,” Junhoe agrees weakly. 

“He’s good for you, Junhoe. You’ve changed so much since that day you walked into the dorm. You’re like a cactus. You’re prickly, and no one can blame you for that given the shit family you have. But around him you’re softer than I’ve ever seen you. He makes you happy, and you’re scared to be happy because you were never allowed to be,” Jinhwan says passionately. “Give yourself the chance.”

Tears prickle in Junhoe’s eyes. “I love him, Jinhwan.”

“Then tell him that,” Jinhwan says as Junhoe slumps into his side. 

“What would I do without you?” Junhoe asks. 

“Die, probably,” Jinhwan laughs. “Now get going, you’ve got a boy to nab and I’ve got my own to go see.”

“Thanks Nani,” Junhoe says, using Jinhwan’s childhood nickname. 

“I’m here anytime you need a kick in the ass.”

Junhoe mulls over Jinhwan’s advice. He doesn’t act on it right away, still worried about everything going horribly wrong. 

That night Jiwon’s phone dings.

_ Jinhwan: I talked to Junhoe, are things any better? _

_ Jiwon: I haven’t noticed any difference really. He’s still kind of staring off into space _

_ Jinhwan: Great, I’ll kick his ass, thanks. _

Jiwon snorts, and Junhoe looks up briefly, their eyes meeting, he looks away quickly, scared Jiwon will be able to read what’s in his eyes. Jiwon frowns.

Moments later, Junhoe’s phone chimes. He grabs it, looking at the screen.

_ Jinhwan: Talk to him idiot _

_ Junhoe: mind your business _

_ Jinhwan: talk to him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

Junhoe sighs, setting his phone down a little harder than necessary. Jiwon looks over but Junhoe doesn’t look up again. 

When Junhoe dreams that night, he dreams of his father. Only this time it’s not Junhoe he’s beating, it’s Jiwon. He tries to intervene, but he can’t, and he watches in horror as his father punches Jiwon relentlessly.

“Junhoe, wake up. Hey, wake up,” Jiwon says, shaking him. He’s whimpering in his sleep. “Junhoe!” he half shouts, and Junhoe jerks upright. Jiwon is smart enough to step back, missing Junhoe’s flying fists.

Junhoe looks at him wide eyed and panicked, tears streaking his face. “Jiwon,” he whimpers, relaxing a little only when he sees Jiwon is unharmed. Jiwon sits next to him, and pulls him into an embrace. His fingers draw soothing patterns on Junhoe’s back. Junhoe buries his face in Jiwon’s shoulder and works on slowing his breathing, the dream fading to the back of his mind. 

He’s almost asleep when Jiwon lowers him back down to the bed. He reaches out sleepily, grabbing Jiwon’s wrist as he turns to go back to his own bed.

“Stay with me, please,” Junhoe pleads.

“Of course I will,” Jiwon says. Junhoe moves closer to the wall, making room for Jiwon to slip under the covers. Junhoe cuddles into Jiwon, face pressed to his chest, and holds onto him for dear life. 

Jiwon wraps an arm around him, and together they fall into a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi babies, I hope this chapter makes you happy <3 and thank you for all the encouragement, I’m starting to feel better little by little


	18. Chapter 18

Junhoe wakes the next morning cuddled up to Jiwon. He vaguely remembers last night’s events, but they slip away like water. He closes his eyes again and pulls Jiwon closer. It’s Sunday and he doesn’t have any obligations. Jiwon is still asleep, and he’s going to take this opportunity to stay as close as he can for as long as he can. Jiwon unconsciously tightens his hold on Junhoe, and Junhoe smiles before drifting back to sleep.

“Junhoe,” a voice says, cutting through the haze of sleep.

“Wha–?” he mumbles.

“Come on, wake up,” the voice says.

Junhoe peels his eyes open and looks up at Jiwon, who’s now awake and shaking him lightly. Junhoe groans and buries his face in the pillow

“It’s almost noon, Junhoe,” Jiwon says.

“Don’t care,” Junhoe mumbles into the pillow. 

“Get up and let’s go get some food,” Jiwon says, prodding Junhoe.

Food does sound good, and Junhoe peaks out at Jiwon. His curly hair is sleep ruffled, and Junhoe wants to kiss him. He moves to, and stops himself. Jiwon doesn’t seem to notice. 

“Come on, up,” Jiwon says, sitting up, pulling a reluctant Junhoe along with him. Junhoe wraps his arms around Jiwon and rests his head on his shoulder. Jiwon pokes him again, before pulling him off the bed, forcing himself to his feet.

“Up,” he orders, and Junhoe shivers. 

“Yes, sir,” he mumbles. 

They dress quickly, and head out. They bypass the canteen in favor of the convenience store. They load up on snacks and junk food and go back to their room. They sit on the floor and stuff themselves silly. 

“I’m gonna nap,” Junhoe announces a while later.

“Junhoe, you’ve been awake for two hours,” Jiwon says.

“I ate too much, I’m going into a food coma,” he replies around a yawn. Jiwon rolls his eyes. 

“I’ll keep it to a dull roar then,” he promises as Junhoe crawls in bed and promptly passes out.

Jiwon moves to his computer, plugging his earbuds in, and works on his classwork. His phone vibrates, and he checks his messages.

_ Hanbin: Come over, we miss u _

Jiwon looks over at the sleeping Junhoe. He doesn’t show any signs of waking up any time soon, and he doesn’t have that much work left.

_ Bobby: Be there in fifteen _

He grabs a hoodie and heads out. 

He enters Donghyuk and Chanwoo’s room to a round of shouts and cheers. 

“Finally man, we thought you were dead,” Donghyuk says. 

“Despite trying its hardest, school hasn’t killed me yet,” Jiwon says back. He takes his place in the circle between Hanbin and Chanwoo. He nudged Bin with his shoulder. 

“Where’s your man?” He asks. 

“I think he’s having his own guys day with Yunhyeong and Junhoe,” Hanbin says. 

Jiwon laughs. “Yunhyeong maybe, Junhoe is dead to the world.”

“Oh, so that’s why we got you to come over so easily,” Chanwoo says. 

Jiwon bristles. “We’re friends,” he says before anyone can say it. 

“We’re friends but I don’t wanna fuck you. It’s different,” Chanwoo says. 

“Do you want me to hurt you severely,” Jiwon asks, annoyed. 

Chanwoo raises his hands in surrender. “All I’m saying is you spend all your time making moon eyes at Junhoe and you should probably do something about it.”

Jiwon sighs. “Junhoe has made it very clear that he only wants to be friends. So it’s my problem. I just need some time to get over him.”

“Ah, first love,” Hanbin chimes in. Jiwon pinches him on the shoulder. 

Eventually they drop the subject. They spend the afternoon playing video games and eating, and it feels great. Jiwon’s missed his friends. It’s true that he’s been spending most of his time with Junhoe. Maybe it’s time to cut back on that. 

It’s nearly six when Jiwon’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He wonders who it is, and his heart nearly stops when he sees Junhoe’s name. 

_ Junhoe: hey, when you have time can we talk? _

Jiwon’s heart flips over in a bad way. 

_ Jiwon: yeah sure, are you in the room? _

_ Junhoe: meet me where it all started.  _

Jiwon puzzles over that for a moment before something clicks in his brain. 

“I gotta go guys,” he says standing up and brushing crumbs off his shirt. 

“Why?” Chanwoo asks, not looking up from his game. 

“I’ve got something important to take care of,” he says and Hanbin gives him a tiny nod along with a look of understanding. 

Jiwon makes his way back to his dorm, nerves building. Junhoe isn’t in the room but he didn’t expect him to be. The door at the end of the hallway is unlocked and Jiwon climbs the stairs and hesitates at the door. Either he’s going to get everything he wants, or he’s going to be crushed. He’s not sure he’d ever recover from the latter. 

Junhoe is sitting in the middle of the roof, hoodie pulled up around his head. His back is to Jiwon and he doesn’t move as Jiwon begins to walk towards him. He sits down next to Junhoe, and bumps shoulders with him. 

“Hey,” Junhoe says softly. 

“Hey,” Jiwon says back. They sit in silence for a minute and when Junhoe doesn’t talk, Jiwon decides to start. “What did you want to talk about?” He asks, stomach turning over with nerves. 

“Us,” Junhoe says, chewing on his lip. He looks as nervous as Jiwon feels. 

“Okay, what about us?” Jiwon asks, wanting to shake the words out of Junhoe. 

Junhoe mulls over his word choice for a moment. “I was hurt when you wouldn’t tell your family about us.” Jiwon opens his mouth but Junhoe raises a hand, signaling him to be quiet. “I couldn’t fathom why you wouldn’t,” Junhoe continues. “Your family loves you so much, I could see that when I went to your house for Christmas. So I didn’t understand how scared you were, and that’s my fault. I didn’t grow up with a loving family. They don’t accept who I am and never will. But your family did accept you, and I think I was just bitter that I’ll never have that.” he says, voice getting softer.

Junhoe’s picking at his nails. Jiwon’s learned it’s his nervous habit. He reaches out, taking one of Junhoe’s hands in his. It’s cold, and he wonders how long he’s been up here. 

“I’m sorry, Junhoe. I should have told my family from the beginning. You’re right, they love me unconditionally, and I should have known that, but I was scared. I never meant to hurt you and I never wanted to keep you a secret,” Jiwon says, rubbing Junhoe’s hand to warm it up.

“I didn’t ask you to come up here for you to apologize,” Junhoe says.

“Then why did you?” Jiwon asks, anxiety still weighing heavy on him. 

“I know I’m not the easiest person to get along with. And I know I can be an ass sometimes,” he says, and Jiwon snorts. There’s been plenty of times he’s called Junhoe an ass. “But you get me,” Junhoe says. “And you haven’t run away from me. I didn’t know what love felt like until I met you.” He turns to Jiwon who’s sitting there, shocked by the words that he’s just heard.

Junhoe turns so he can look Jiwon in the eye, nerves shining through. “I love you Jiwon, and I want to be with you. If you still want me,” he adds quickly, and his heart pounds waiting for Jiwon to answer.

“Koo Junhoe,” Jiwon says softly, cupping Junhoe’s face. Junhoe braces himself for rejection. “I love you too.” Junhoe’s heart flips. “And of course I still want you. I will always want you,” he says.

He leans in, kissing Junhoe softly, like he’s scared this is all a dream. “I love you,” he says, kissing Junhoe’s forehead. “I love you.” He kisses Junhoe’s nose. “I love you.” He kisses Junhoe’s lips. It’s a tender brush of lips, but it has Junhoe fisting his hands in Jiwon’s sweatshirt, pulling him closer.

They roll so Junhoe is pinned to the roof, underneath Jiwon, and the kiss this time is more frantic, desperate. They have so much wasted time to make up for. Junhoe bites at Jiwon’s lips, and Jiwon gives as good as he gets, sucking Junhoe’s bottom lip. Junhoe makes a small noise and that spurs Jiwon to kiss him deeper, licking into his mouth. Junhoe wraps his arms around Jiwon and holds him close.

They kiss until their hands and noses get red with cold. Jiwon rolls off of Junhoe, panting. Junhoe curls into him, rubs his hands across Jiwon’s body, ignoring the cold in favor of the warmth Jiwon is emitting. 

“I missed you,” Junhoe says softly, like he’s scared the thread between them could still break.

“I missed you too,” Jiwon says, rolling to face Junhoe. “But we’re together now.”

They lay there for a while longer, until the cold gets to be too much to bear. Jiwon pulls Junhoe to his feet, and they head inside, shivering. 

“Shower?” Junhoe suggests, already stripping as the door to their room shuts. Jiwon is speechless, busy staring at Junhoe’s physique. 

Junhoe looks over when he doesn’t get a response and smirks. “See something you like?” he asks cockily, but Jiwon doesn’t even care. It’s been so long since he’s seen Junhoe naked, even longer since he’s seen him naked and been able to touch him.

Jiwon swallows. “Shower, we should definitely shower,” he says, stripping and following Junhoe into the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boys in love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	19. Chapter 19

Spring break creeps up on them, and before they know it they have a week with no responsibilities. Junhoe decides they all need a vacation, and that Friday they’re boarding a plane to Thailand. 

“I’ve never flown first class,” Hanbin says in awe.

“I’ve never flown at all,” Chanwoo says, face pressed to the glass. 

“You get used to it when you’re Junhoe’s friend,” Jinhwan says, claiming the seat next to Hanbin.

“Are you sure your dad won’t be mad at you for spending this much money?” Jiwon asks, fingers tangled in Junhoe’s.

“I highly doubt he’ll even notice. I pretty much have an unlimited budget.” Junhoe says.

“Must be nice,” Yunhyeong pipes in.

“Oh don’t act like you haven’t reaped the benefits,” Junhoe laughs.

The others fall asleep shortly after they take off, but Jiwon keeps Junhoe awake, chattering about his final project, and Junhoe is happy to listen, snuggled into his boyfriend’s side. It’s around midnight, and the flight attendants are resting, leaving the plane full of sleeping people.

“Come with me,” he says quietly, offering a hand to Jiwon. Jiwon lets Junhoe pull him up, but gives him a questioning look. Where the hell could they be going in an aircraft. Something sparks in his mind when Junhoe pulls open the door to the restroom. 

“We are not,” Jiwon protests. Junhoe gives him a wicked smile.

“Oh we absolutely are,” he says, pushing Jiwon in and following, shutting the door behind them. The first class bathrooms are bigger than the others, but it’s still a tight fit. 

“This is a bad idea,” Jiwon says.

“Not if you stay quiet,” Junhoe answers. Jiwon opens his mouth to protest further, but Junhoe kisses him deeply, nails scratching at the base of his scalp. Jiwon groans into Junhoe’s mouth when he starts palming Jiwon through his pants. He kisses Junhoe back, fingers digging into his biceps.

“I love how easily you get hard,” Junhoe says, popping the button on Jiwon’s jeans and unzipping them.

“It’s because I can’t fucking resist you,” Jiwon says, pulling Junhoe in for another brief kiss.

“I know, and I love it,” Junhoe says, a cocky smirk on his face, as he drops to his knees. He pulls down Jiwon’s pants and boxers, exposing his leaking cock. Junhoe leans in, drawing his tongue through the slit, gathering the bead of precome there. Jiwon groans softly. 

“You wanna fuck my mouth?” Junhoe asks, looking up at Jiwon, who nods enthusiastically. Junhoe licks up Jiwon’s dick, nice and sloppy, getting it wet. He wraps his lips around the tip and sucks softly, just for the way Jiwon’s fingers tighten in his hair.

“Okay, go ahead,” Junhoe says, before taking Jiwon in his mouth. Jiwon is gentle at first, small thrusts in and out of the heat of Junhoe’s mouth. His hand cups the back of Junhoe’s head, and encourages him forward, thrusting a little deeper. Junhoe’s eyes close and he relaxes his throat, bobbing his head in time with Jiwon’s thrusts. He braces himself on Jiwon’s thighs as he begins to move faster. Junhoe moans around Jiwon’s dick, and Jiwon’s fingers tug at his hair.

“Fuck,” he groans. “Junhoe I’m not gonna last.” That was what Junhoe had been planning on, his knees already getting sore. He takes over, bobbing his head enthusiastically, as Jiwon practically shoves his fist in his mouth to silence himself. He loses it when Junhoe opens his eyes, making contact with him as he deep throats him. 

“Fuck, Junhoe,” is all Jiwon manages, before he comes down Junhoe’s throat. Junhoe is prepared, and swallows around him. He continues to blow Jiwon until he groans, sore from the over stimulation. He pulls off with an obscene pop, and catches his breath as he tucks Jiwon back into his pants. 

He groans as he pulls himself to his feet, and Jiwon into a kiss. He snuggles into Jiwon’s chest, and Jiwon wraps his arms around him.

“I’m sleepy,” Junhoe mumbles.

“Can’t imagine why,” Jiwon says around a yawn.

They carefully exit the bathroom. Thankfully no one is around. But Jinhwan is awake, and smirks at them as they pass. Junhoe sticks his tongue out, but goes back to his seat. He puts the armrest up, so he can cuddle into Jiwon’s side. Jiwon kisses the top of his head, and they knock out.

The plane descending wakes them all up, Junhoe groans and buries his face in Jiwon’s shoulder. The plane lands, and they all groggily make their way off. Jiwon takes Junhoe’s hand, lacing their fingers. It’s 3 in the morning and none of them want to be awake. 

They wait impatiently for their luggage, leaning on one another as the belt begins to move and suitcases appear. Theirs are thankfully some of the first out. They gather them, and begin to walk towards the exit. There’s a car waiting for them, and they gratefully climb into it. Their hotel is a short drive from the airport, located in the heart of the city.

As they arrive at the hotel, Junhoe allows the staff to take their stuff, as he gets them registered at the front desk. He comes back to the group with a handful of keys. He gives one set of keys to Hanbin and Jinhwan, and then a key to everyone else, giving Jiwon the extra key to their room.

“I’m going to bed,” Junhoe announces. They all hmm in agreement, stuffing themselves into the elevator. It takes them to the top floor, and everyone disperses to their rooms with muttered goodnights.

Junhoe pulls Jiwon into their room. It’s beautiful, lavish and decorated, and the entire wall is a window, looking down at the city. It looks amazing from up this high. Jiwon makes a noise of awe, peering down, and Junhoe wraps his arms around him from behind, tucking his chin over Jiwon’s shoulder.

“Like it?” he asks.

“It’s gorgeous,” Jiwon says. “I can’t wait to see it during the day.”

“Let’s get some sleep, and we’ll do just that,” Junhoe promises. He pulls Jiwon away from the window, and the two strip down naked, leaving their clothes pooled on the ground, before climbing into the bed. Junhoe slips his leg between Jiwon’s as he cuddles closer. Jiwon kisses his forehead.

“Love you,” Junhoe mumbles, already starting to nod off. 

“Love you too,” Jiwon says with a sleepy smile, wrapping an arm around Junhoe. 

  
  


The day dawns bright and sunny, and Junhoe groans as the rays land on his face. He rolls over, burying his face in the pillow, not ready to wake up. He hears a small laugh, and then a hand is rubbing his back. 

“Morning sleepy head,” Jiwon says. He rolls on his side and kisses Junhoe’s back, making a trail up to his neck. Junhoe groans again, for an entirely different reason. Jiwon smirks against his skin, and continues his path up, nipping at Junhoe’s ear.

“No fair,” Junhoe protests. “I already have morning wood, and you’re not helping.”

Jiwon laughs lightly against the shell of Junhoe ear, and he shivers. “Roll over and let me help you out."

That’s an offer Junhoe can’t resist. Jiwon moves away and Junhoe rolls back over, peering up at the purple haired man hovering over him. He smiles, and Jiwon dips down to give him a kiss, nipping at his lower lip. Junhoe moans, hands reaching for Jiwon, but Jiwon eludes his grasp, sitting back, and pushing the covers down.

Junhoe shivers as the A/C hits his skin, but Jiwon is there, running a hand down his torso. “You look so good like this,” he says, tracing Junhoe’s nipple with his finger. Junhoe gasps, and Jiwon eases up, sliding down the bed. He spreads Junhoe’s legs, laying between them. He wraps his hand around Junhoe’s cock, and begins to stroke it. Junhoe’s head falls back and he lets his eyes close.

Jiwon wraps his lips around the tip of Junhoe’s dick, tongue swirling around the top. Junhoe makes a noise, and runs his fingers through Jiwon’s hair. Jiwon sinks down on Junhoe’s cock, tongue tracing patterns.

“Fuck, baby, just like that,” Junhoe groans. His hand is on the back of Jiwon’s head, encouraging him. He thinks of the hesitant first blowjob Jiwon gave him all those months ago, and how confident he is now, and how he knows exactly how to take Junhoe apart.

Jiwon bobs his head faster, taking Junhoe deeper. Junhoe instinctively wants to thrust up into his warm mouth, but an arm across his hips has him pinned to the bed. He moans in pleasure and frustration. 

“Jiwon,” he begs. Jiwon hums, sending a shudder through Junhoe’s body. He takes him down as far as he can, swallowing around him, and Junhoe lets out a whimper and comes. Jiwon pulls back, but not fast enough. He coughs, and swallows what lands in his mouth.

Junhoe stares in awe at Jiwon’s face. He’s got come and spit dripping down his chin, and his lips are puffy and swollen. He sits up, and Junhoe surges up, licking at his face and kissing him deeply. Jiwon pushes Junhoe back onto the bed. They kiss passionately for several minutes before breaking apart to breathe.

“You’re disgusting,” Jiwon says. “I can’t believe you just licked your own come off my face.”

Junhoe laughs loudly at that. “If you think that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done, you’re in for a lifetime of surprises.”

“A lifetime, hmm?” Jiwon says, a small smile on his face. 

“You didn’t think I was letting go of you again did you?’ Junhoe asks, tilting his head.

“I had hoped you wouldn’t,” Jiwon answers.

“Good cause I’m not,” Junhoe says, before slapping Jiwon’s ass. “Now get up or we’re going to miss our breakfast reservation.”

They meet the boys in the lobby, and he can tell from the lazy smile on Jinhwan’s face that he’s not the only one who had a good morning. They lock eyes, smirking at each other, Jiwon and Hanbin completely oblivious. 

They walk a few blocks to a nice restaurant with a breakfast bar, and stuff themselves silly. It’s nice, for once, to be so relaxed, with no deadlines hanging over their heads and no drama bringing them down. They talk and laugh as they eat. Junhoe hooks his ankle around Jiwon’s. 

They spend the morning touring The Grand Palace. Junhoe hires a guide, and they follow him as he explains the history and significance of the place. It’s beautiful and they all ooh and ahh at everything. It’s a long tour, but none of them mind. They mingle with other tourists, and make sure to make time to see Wat Phra Kaeo, and the Emerald Buddha inside. 

The palace takes up half their day, and by the time they’re finished, they’re famished. They check out the street vendors, and buy a ton of food, finding a park to sit in. They choose a spot in the shade of a giant tree, and collapse with their bounty.

“What are we doing this afternoon?” Chanwoo asks between bites of food.

“I was thinking we could check out Wat Pho,” Donghyuk chimes in. “It’s near here. It’s more walking though.”

There’s some groaning, but in the end everyone agrees. They rest for a while, eating all their food, before making their way to the temple. Everyone is beyond impressed with the Temple of the Reclining Buddha, and Jiwon cracks a joke about Junhoe buying it, making everyone laugh.

When they’ve toured the temple, they head back into the city, spending the rest of the afternoon shopping. They split off from each other, everyone with their own plans for the evening.

Junhoe is nervous, though he does his best to hide it, as he takes Jiwon to a fancy restaurant. They’re in a closed off section, just the two of them. It’s a romantic setup, candles, and wine. They eat in comfortable silence, Jiwon blushing when he catches Junhoe staring at him. 

“What?” he asks.

“I was just thinking,” Junhoe says, stomach flipping over.

“About what?” Jiwon asks, taking a bite of his food. 

“Us, and how much I love you,” Junhoe says.

“I love you too,” Jiwon says with a sweet smile. “Anything in particular you were thinking about?”

“Yeah, actually,” Junhoe says. “I was thinking maybe we could take the next step tonight.” He plays with his food, but he can feel Jiwon’s eyes on him. “You know, go all the way. If you’re ready.”

Jiwon is silent for a moment, and Junhoe fears the worst. But then he feels feet kicking at his, so he looks up, to see Jiwon smiling at him. “Yeah, I’m ready,” he tells Junhoe. 

Junhoe feels like a blushing virgin, which isn’t fair because he’s not the virgin in the room.

Jiwon is still smiling at him, and Junhoe can’t help but smile back. “Were you that worried about asking me?” Jiwon asks.

“Maybe,” Junhoe mumbles, and Jiwon laughs. 

“I want to do everything and anything with you Junhoe. My heart is yours. And your body is mine,” he adds causing Junhoe to blush again.

They drop the topic for the moment, instead talking about their day, and all the things they want to do with the rest of the week.

When they finish, Junhoe takes Jiwon’s hand, pulling him close. He kisses him deeply, and Jiwon clings to him. 

“Let’s go back to the hotel,” Junhoe says, and Jiwon gives him a half smirk.

“Let’s.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys I’m sorry for not posting all week, I’ve been sick so please accept this as an apology!


	20. Chapter 20

When they get back to the room, the roles are reversed. Jiwon is visibly nervous, and Junhoe kisses him softly, just a gentle brush of their lips. 

“We don’t have to if you’re not ready,” he reassures him. 

“I am ready,” Jiwon insists. “I’ve just never done this before.”

“Good, because I’d be jealous,” Junhoe says, kissing Jiwon’s neck. 

“But you have!” Jiwon protests weakly, feeling the patterns Junhoe is drawing with his tongue. 

“Yes, that’s because I’m a whore. But you’re my good catholic boy,” Junhoe smirks. 

“Don’t call yourself that,” Jiwon frowns, pulling Junhoe to look at him. “You are magnificent, and yes experienced, but don’t put yourself down. I love you, all of you.”

They kiss again, more passionate this time, and Junhoe leads them back towards the bed, unbuttoning Jiwon’s shirt as they go. Jiwon shrugs out of it, letting it fall to the floor. He breaks the kiss long enough to get Junhoe out of his t-shirt. 

They kiss for a moment longer, and begin to strip once they break apart. They take each other’s naked forms in, admiring each other’s bodies. They’ve seen each other naked many times but it’s different somehow. Intention hangs heavy in the air. 

Junhoe steps to the side, bending to get something out of his suitcase. He rises with a bottle of lube, tossing it on the bed, before getting on the bed and laying in the center.

“C’mere” he says, and Jiwon can’t do anything but obey. 

Jiwon lays next to Junhoe, rolling on top of him slightly. He props himself up so he’s looking down at Junhoe. “What do I do?” he asks. 

“Kiss me,” Junhoe says, and that Jiwon knows how to do. He kisses Junhoe gently, like he’s made out of glass, tender brushes of the lips. Junhoe sighs softly into the kiss, pulling Jiwon down to him, cupping his cheek as he sucks gently on Jiwon’s lower lip. Their legs tangle as the kiss picks up intensity, teeth and tongue getting involved. Jiwon licks into Junhoe’s mouth, pushing him down into the bed with his weight. 

Jiwon feels his nerves slide away as they kiss. He lets his hand trace down Junhoe’s flesh, drawing a shiver out of him. He slips a hand between them, wrapping it around Junhoe’s dick. He jerks him off while they kiss, until Junhoe is hard and throbbing in his hands. He lets go and brings his hand back up to trace Junhoe’s nipple.

“What do I do now?” he asks as their lips part. He can feel his nerves returning. Junhoe strokes his arms, and smiles at him softly.

“First, relax. This is fun Jiwon, don’t freak out on me now,” he says.

“I’m scared of hurting you,” Jiwon admits.

“I won’t let you, I promise,” Junhoe says, giving him a soft kiss, before pushing Jiwon to sit up. He untangles their legs, and spreads his, grabbing the lube. “We use lots of this,” he says, handing it to Jiwon.

“Okay,” Jiwon says, moving between Junhoe’s legs, and Junhoe rests his knees against Jiwon’s sides. He watches as Jiwon pours some lube over his fingers.

“Good, now rub it a bit, because that shit is cold,” Junhoe says, drawing a laugh out of Jiwon, who does as he’s told.

“Now, I..” Jiwon trails off, face red. 

“Yes,” Junhoe says.

“What if I hurt you,” Jiwon asks, sounding distressed. 

“I already told you, you won’t. Give me your hand,” Junhoe says, and Jiwon reaches it out. Junhoe guides Jiwon’s hand between his legs. “Start with one, it’s alright, I promise.”

Jiwon runs a finger around Junhoe’s hole, and Junhoe guides him to push his finger in slowly. He sighs as Jiwon’s finger enters him.

“See?” he says, “It’s okay, you’re not hurting me at all,” he says.

That seems to spur Jiwon on, and he begins to move his finger deeper, then begins moving it in and out.

“Just like that,” Junhoe breathes, letting his head fall back against the pillow. He lets Jiwon continue, until he thinks he’s done freaking out. “Now add a second one,” he says.

Jiwon gives him a quick worried glance, and Junhoe just stares at him steadily. Jiwon pulls his hand back, and slowly begins to push a second finger in alongside the first. Junhoe groans, loving the slight stretch. The slow pace is killing him. He’s not used to people being gentle with him, most of his sexual encounters being people just trying to get off. But he lets Jiwon set the pace. It’s his first time and Junhoe wants it to be special. 

Junhoe’s hips begin to move, meeting Jiwon’s pace. Junhoe enjoying himself seems to spur something in Jiwon, and he begins to move his fingers quicker.

“Yeah baby, yeah,” Junhoe moans. “You’re doing so good. You can add another whenever you’re ready.”

Jiwon is less hesitant this time, and Junhoe bites his lip as Jiwon stretches him further. He grinds down against Jiwon’s hand, desperate for it. “You’ve got to stretch your fingers,” Junhoe says. “So it doesn’t hurt later.” The look of sheer concentration on Jiwon’s face makes Junhoe want to kiss him. He does as he’s told though and Junhoe moans loud and needy.

“Bend your fingers just a little,” Junhoe says, and Jiwon complies. Junhoe practically shouts when he gets what he wants, Jiwon’s fingers pressing into his prostate.

“Shit,” Jiwon says, panicking. “Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry!”

“Jiwon, calm down, that was the opposite of painful. It felt really fucking good, do it again.”

Jiwon looks skeptical, but he can see the way Junhoe’s eyes glaze over when he does it again, and maybe a third time. 

“I’m ready,” Junhoe says, and Jiwon carefully pulls his fingers out. 

He lubes his dick, and pulls Junhoe down the bed by his legs, making the younger laugh. “Just go slowly,” he says, hooking his legs behind Jiwon. 

Jiwon carefully lines himself up with Junhoe, and takes a deep breath before slowly beginning to push into Junhoe. 

Junhoe moans, eyes fluttering. “Yeah, just like that,” he breathes. 

“Fuck, Junhoe, you’re so  _ tight _ ,” Jiwon groans. 

“Keep going,” Junhoe urges, and Jiwon continues to push in until he bottoms out, drawing twin moans from him and Junhoe. 

“Kiss me,” Junhoe demands, and Jiwon leans forward, giving him a searing kiss. “I like this position,” he purrs. Jiwon has his elbows on either side of Junhoe’s head, and Junhoe hips are lifted, letting Jiwon deep inside him. 

“You can move, it’s okay,” he tells Jiwon, stroking his face. Jiwon pulls out just a little bit, making an experimental thrust and Junhoe groans. 

“You feel so good, fuck,” Jiwon groans. He gets braver, pulling backs and thrusting into Junhoe a little faster and a little harder. Junhoe moans and fists his hands in the sheets as Jiwon sets a rhythm. It’s not the brutal pace he’s used to, but he loves this even more. Loves Jiwon even more in this moment. 

His hips begin to move, matching Jiwon’s thrusts. Jiwon hits his prostate and Junhoe practically mewls, head thrown back into the pillow. 

“Fuck, Jiwon, you’re so good. So fucking good,” he babbles as Jiwon continues to move. He lets go of the sheets with one hand to grip Jiwon’s bicep. 

“I can’t last Junhoe, fuck,” Jiwon groans. 

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay. Come inside me,” Junhoe says. 

Jiwon lasts three more thrusts before he’s spilling deep inside Junhoe. He moans Junhoes name, and Junhoe slips a hand between them to jerk himself off. He comes all over them. 

Jiwon pulls out carefully, collapsing on the bed next to Junhoe. He’s panting, sweaty and covered in Junhoe’s jizz. He laughs. 

“What?” Junhoe asks, turning to look at him. 

“Is sex always that great?” He asks. 

“It is with me,” Junhoe says with a chuckle of his own. “Now come on, it's shower time.”

  
  


They spend the rest of their days exploring the city, taking in as many of the sights as they can.and their nights tangled up in each other, Jiwon getting bolder every night, and Junhoe loves it. 

Before they know it, it’s their last night. They have a fancy dinner all together. When they part ways at the hotel, Jiwon gives Junhoe a smirk as they get into the elevator. It’s a long way to the 60th floor. 

Jiwon traps Junhoe in the corner, pulling him into a kiss. He kisses him roughly, palming him through his shorts. Junhoe moans, panting into Jiwon’s mouth as Jiwon leaves open mouthed kisses on him. He moves away from Junhoe’s lips and sucks at his neck. His fingers deftly unbutton Junhoe’s shirt.

“Jiwon,” Junhoe groans, already hard. “Cameras.”

“No one’s watching,” Jiwon says, leaving a purple mark on Junhoe’s collarbone.

The elevator dings as it reaches the top floor, and Jiwon drags Junhoe out and into their room. Junhoe shrugs his shirt the rest of the way off. Jiwon drags him forward by his shorts, and Junhoe laughs. “What’s gotten into you? Not that I’m complaining.”

“It’s our last night of freedom, and I’m going to make the most of it,” Jiwon says. “Now take your pants off.”

They both strip down, and Jiwon pushes Junhoe on the bed. And this time he isn’t hesitant when he fingers him open. He’s already learned Junhoe’s angles and how he likes it, and he’s got Junhoe turned into a moaning mess under him in minutes.

“Fuck, Jiwon, fuck,” he whines, squirming as Jiwon puts pressure on his prostate. He hadn’t expected Jiwon to be so fucking good in bed so quickly, but he’s not objecting.

Jiwon continues to tease him until he’s satisfied Junhoe is ready. He pulls his fingers out carefully, and pulls Junhoe to his feet.

“What?” Junhoe asks, confused. Jiwon just pulls him towards the window. He turns Junhoe around, half bending him over, forcing Junhoe to brace himself against the window. They’re on the top floor, but Junhoe feels so exposed.

That’s what Jiwon is going for. He carefully pushes into Junhoe. They both groan. 

“Fuck, Junhoe,” Jiwon says. “Look at how beautiful you look. Imagine if everyone out there could see you like this, see how nicely you take my dick.”

Junhoe whines loudly, too turned on to form words. He’s never considered himself an exhibitionist before, but he thinks he’d do anything Jiwon wanted. 

Jiwon pulls Junhoe up so his back is pressed against Jiwon’s torso, and his chest against the window. Jiwon makes shallow thrusts that do little more than frustrate.

“Jiwon,” he begs. “Please, come on.”

“Please what, baby?” Jiwon asks, kissing Junhoe’s shoulder.

“Please fuck me,” Junhoe breathes.

So Jiwon does. He fucks Junhoe hard and fast, the way he likes. Junhoe likes being used like a toy,  _ Jiwon’s toy. _

“Touch me, please,” Junhoe groans.

“Not yet,” Jiwon groans, growing closer to his climax. 

Junhoe whines, feeling like the breath has been choked out of him when Jiwon hits his prostate. He clenches around Jiwon and that’s all Jiwon needs, spilling inside Junhoe. He kisses the back of Junhoe’s neck and shoulders as he comes down from his climax. 

He pulls out, watching the way his come drips down Junhoe’s thigh, biting his lip. “Turn around,” he says, and Junhoe does, his back against the window, panting. Jiwon sinks to his knees, taking Junhoe in his mouth. He blows him quick and sloppy, and Junhoe comes a few short minutes later, come landing all over Jiwon’s face. It’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen. 

They stay there for a few minutes, catching their breath, until the stickiness of the come begins to get uncomfortable. Jiwon climbs back to his feet, and pulls Junhoe into the shower, where they quickly wash off, before crawling in bed.

Jiwon cuddles close to Junhoe, tilting his head so he can kiss him. This kiss is loving and gentle, and Junhoe is just as soft returning it.

“Have I mentioned that I really really love you?” Jiwon asks.

“Yes,” Junhoe says with a goofy smile. “But I love hearing you say it.”

Jiwon rolls on top of Junhoe, pressing a kiss against his forehead. “I love you.” A kiss against each cheek. “I love you.” A kiss on his nose. “I love you.” And one last kiss against his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Junhoe says sleepily. “So much.”

Jiwon rolls back to his side, and Junhoe rolls over so they can spoon. They’re out in minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! sorry this update is so late. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it ;)


	21. Chapter 21

Life returns to normal quickly. Classes start back up the day after they get back, and they’re all tired as they trudge through the day.

The school year is quickly drawing to a close and they can all feel the pressure. For Jiwon, it makes him produce some of his best music. For Junhoe, it suffocates him. Leaves him sore from spending hours hunched over books and papers. 

He pulls away from his friends and Jiwon, spending hours in the library, not coming home until well past two and waking up at six for classes. Jiwon barely sees him, and when he does he usually looks dead on his feet. 

To say Jiwon is worried is to put it lightly. He lets it go on for a week, hoping Junhoe will snap out of it, but he doesn’t. Jiwon decides he needs to do something. 

“Come out with me tonight,” he says one morning before classes. 

“I can’t. I have a paper due tomorrow and a test on Wednesday,” Junhoe says, not looking up from packing his bag. 

“Just for dinner, Junhoe” Jiwon pleads. 

“I just told you I can’t,” Junhoe snaps, and Jiwon takes a half step back. 

Junhoe sighs and sets his stuff back down, stepping over to Jiwon. “I’m sorry, I’m just really busy right now,” he says, giving Jiwon a kiss. But Jiwon can tell his mind is elsewhere. “I gotta get to class,” Junhoe says, slinging his bag over his shoulder and leaving. 

  
  


Jiwon finds Junhoe hours later, passed out on a table in the library. He’s tucked away in a quiet corner, face down in a book. Jiwon frowns, and sets his stuff down, along with a bag of food he brought. He sits down next to Junhoe. He’s torn between letting him sleep, and wanting to feed him.

He rubs Junhoe’s back gently. “Wake up, baby,” he says softly. Junhoe stirs, but doesn’t quite wake. “Junhoe,” Jiwon says. “It’s time to wake up.” He’s still rubbing Junhoe’s back when his eyes open. They’re bloodshot, and Jiwon can see the exhaustion and confusion in them, and it hurts him.

“What?” Junhoe mumbles.

“You fell asleep studying,” Jiwon says.

Junhoe wakes up more. “Fuck,” he says. “What time is it?”

“A little after seven,” Jiwon answers.

“Shit, that’s two hours lost.” Junhoe swears. “I’ve got so much ground to make up.”

“You need to eat first,” Jiwon says, grabbing the bag and setting it in front of Junhoe. 

“I’m not hungry,” Junhoe protests. 

“Have you eaten at all today?” Jiwon asks, and the silence from Junhoe tells him everything he needs to know. “Eat. And then you’re coming back to the room.”

“I have to study,” Junhoe says.

“It wasn’t a request. Now eat,” Jiwon says, shoving the bag towards him. He carefully packs up Junhoe’s things as the other reluctantly eats dinner. Jiwon waits until the younger finishes the entire meal, before standing up, grabbing both their bags.

“Come on,” he says, reaching a hand out to Junhoe. Junhoe reluctantly takes it, swaying on his feet as he stands. Jiwon steadies him, and drags him out of the library and across campus to their dorm. 

Junhoe is dead on his feet when they get back, and doesn’t even protest as Jiwon strips him and puts him in pajamas. 

“Bed,” Jiwon orders, and Junhoe crawls into the makeshift double they’ve made out of their beds. Jiwon sits beside him, and Junhoe leans into him, eyes closed.

“Want to tell me what this is all about?” Jiwon asks, brushing Junhoe’s hair off his face. Junhoe sighs, like his soul is leaving his body. 

“I can’t afford to be anything less than perfect Jiwon. My father-”

“Fuck your father,” Jiwon cuts in.

“I’m supposed to take over the business, and I have to do well, otherwise he might actually kill me,” Junhoe shudders, and Jiwon doesn’t doubt that Junhoe believes that to be true.

“You can’t overwork yourself like this,” Jiwon says, as Junhoe lays down, his head in Jiwon’s lap. 

“I can’t afford not to,” Junhoe says, and there are hot tears on his cheeks that Jiwon gently brushes away. 

“You have to take care of yourself, before you make yourself sick,” Jiwon chides. “We’re going to my place this weekend, no arguments. You are going to spend the entire weekend eating and resting.”

“Okay,” Junhoe mumbles, too tired to argue.

“Good, now come on, get in bed properly and get some rest.”

“It’s eight o’clock,” Junhoe says.

“I didn’t ask the time, I told you to go to sleep,” Jiwon chides.

Too tired to argue, Junhoe does as he’s told, crawling under the covers and laying down. Jiwon bends down and gives him a gentle kiss. Junhoe is out moments later, and Jiwon texts his mom to let her know they’re coming over in a few days.

  
  


By the time Friday rolls around, Junhoe is tense again. There’s a tightness to his shoulders as he hunches over his desk, and Jiwon doesn’t think it has anything to do with his school work. He’s already a week ahead in every class. 

He stands behind Junhoe, massaging his shoulders, until Junhoe relaxes into his touch. “What’s wrong, baby?” He asks, leaning over to kiss the top of Junhoe’s head. 

“What if your mom doesn’t like me?” He asks around a sigh, and Jiwon is glad Junhoe can’t see him roll his eyes. 

“My mom loves you, you’ve met her,” Jiwon says, his fingers trailing down Junhoe’s back, massaging the sore muscles. Junhoe groans and lays his head on the desk. 

“That was before she knew I turned you gay,” Junhoe retorts and Jiwon laughs a loud genuine laugh. 

“Junhoe, she adores you, and she’s still going to adore you. No offense but not everyone has parents that suck. You’ve said it yourself. I know your family would hate me but I promise mine will love you, okay?”

“Okay,” Junhoe agrees reluctantly. 

“Okay come on, the car is gonna be here soon. And don’t you dare bring any of your work with you, you’re going to have a relaxing weekend,” Jiwon says, ignoring Junhoe’s whine. “I mean it.”

The car arrives at 5 and they slide into the backseat. “I’m so tired,” Junhoe groans, curling up on the seat, his head in Jiwon’s lap. Jiwon plays with his hair. 

“Nap. It’s a long ride anyway, I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

“Mmkay,” Junhoe mumbles, Jiwon’s fingers in his hair already putting him to sleep. 

“Junhoe, we’re here,” Jiwon says what feels like two seconds later. Clearly he’s more sleep deprived than he realized. He sits up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

They climb out of the car, weekend bags slung over their shoulders. Junhoe feels his nerves flare again but Jiwon takes his hand, leading him to the house. He pulls out a key, unlocking the front door and pulling Junhoe inside.

“Mom, we’re here!” He yells as they slip their shoes off. 

It only takes her a few moments to appear. She gathers Jiwon up in a huge hug, her frame tiny compared to his. “Oh Jiwon, I thought I told you to get a haircut,” she tuts. 

Jiwon shakes his head of curls. “I like it like this,” he protests, and his mom just sighs. 

Her eyes land on Junhoe next and Junhoe braces himself. Instead, he finds himself wrapped in a hug. “It’s so nice to see you again Junhoe,” she says with a bright, genuine smile. “Has Jiwon been good to you?” She asks. 

A million things flash through his mind, most of them inappropriate. “Yes, of course,” he says, smiling back as he feels his anxiety settle. 

“We’re going to go to my room,” Jiwon says, stepping past his mom. 

“Door open,” she says, and Junhoe blushes. 

“Mom,” he protests. “I’m 19.”

“Yes and you know the rules, door open,” she says. 

“I’ll make sure it stays open ma’am,” Junhoe says. 

“What a good boy you are,” she says, patting Junhoe’s cheek.

“Go now, I’ll call you when dinner is ready,” she says. Jiwon pecks her on the cheek, and drags Junhoe to his room, leaving the door cracked open. Junhoe plops on the bed, still half asleep. Jiwon crawls in his lap, knees on either side of him. He pulls Junhoe in for a kiss as he wraps his arms around his neck. It’s gentle, but Jiwon isn’t in the mood for that. He deepens the kiss as he grinds down on Junhoe’s lap. He swallows the noise of surprise Junhoe makes.

“Jiwon, what are you doing?” Junhoe pants as Jiwon attacks his neck. 

“What do you think I’m doing,” Jiwon answers, licking a stripe up Junhoe’s neck.

“If your goal is to give me a boner, it’s working, but I think it’s a terrible idea,” Junhoe says, biting his lip as Jiwon rocks back and forth on his quickly hardening dick.

“I think it’s a great idea, personally,” Jiwon says nonchalantly, climbing off of Junhoe’s lap. He unbuttons Junhoe’s pants, and nudges him until Junhoe lifts his hips, letting Jiwon pull his pants and briefs down, his hard cock exposed.

“Your mom could walk in at any time!” Junhoe protests, but it’s weak, because Jiwon’s between his legs, and his tongue is tracing the vein in his dick.

“Nah, she’s cooking, and dad isn’t home yet. We’re fine. As long as you keep quiet,” Jiwon says, before sinking down on Junhoe, head bobbing fast. Junhoe practically shoves a fist in his mouth to muffle the noises he’s making.

“What happened to my good little church boy?” Junhoe groans.

Jiwon pulls off long enough to answer. “He started dating a slut,” he says, with a quicked grin, before sinking back down. Junhoe grips his hair for that, thrusting up into his mouth. 

Jiwon moans around him, and Junhoe’s eyes practically roll back in his head. He bites his lip hard enough to draw blood when Jiwon bottoms out and swallows around him. He comes less than a minute later, spilling down Jiwon’s throat. 

Jiwon swallows and pulls off with a pop, wiping his mouth, as Junhoe stares at him in awe. He grins and tucks Junhoe back into his pants. Junhoe stands, pulling his pants back on properly, before dragging Jiwon onto the bed.

“I’m not returning the favor,” he tells Jiwon sternly, and Jiwon just shrugs.

“You look tired,” he says with a sweet smile. “Why don’t we nap until dinner?” he suggests. Junhoe wants to make a sarcastic remark but he  _ is _ tired, and doesn’t have it in him to do anything but nod. He crawls under the covers and falls asleep, hand laced with Jiwon’s.

  
  


He’s woken up before he wants to be, Jiwon shoving him playfully back and forth. “Dinner time,” he chimes and Junhoe groans and wraps his arms around Jiwon. 

“Nap time,” he protests. 

“Food first,” Jiwon laughs. “Then we can go to bed.”

The weekend flys by, and before they know it it’s time to return to school. They’ve got one week left before finals. Junhoe spends it in the library, buried in his books. Jiwon joins him, headphones plugged in as he works on his final composing project. But he’s mostly there to make sure Junhoe eats, sleeps, and doesn’t lose his mind. 

The days pass quicker than Junhoe would like, and before he knows it he’s stepping out of his last final. He breathes a sigh of relief, though he won’t truly relax until he knows his grades. But for now at least he can spend the last few days with Jiwon before school lets out for the summer. 

Jiwon is laying on the bed in nothing but boxers when Junhoe gets back. 

“It’s so hot,” Jiwon complains. 

Junhoe doesn’t answer, just strips down to his own boxers. “How about we make it hotter?” He asks, straddling Jiwon’s hips and sitting on his crotch. Jiwon watches, bemused as Junhoe begins to rock back and forth on him. He can’t help but get hard when Junhoe looks practically edible. He frees Junhoe’s dick and strokes him in time with his movements. Junhoe bites his lip and that’s when Jiwon loses it. 

He grabs Junhoe and flips them over so he’s pinning Junhoe to the bed. Junhoe is looking up at him through hooded lids like he’d planned this, which of course, he had. Jiwon leans in, catching Junhoe’s bottom lip between his teeth.

“I’m gonna fuck you so good, baby,” he says as Junhoe grinds against him for more friction. Jiwon puts his full weight on Junhoe so he can’t move.

“You always do,” Junhoe purrs, stroking Jiwon’s ego. 

“Yes, but this is reward sex,” Jiwon says, sucking a mark into the flesh of Junhoe’s neck. Junhoe groans.

“For what?” he asks.

“For working so hard and finishing all your finals, and inevitably aceing them all,” Jiwon answers.

“You don’t know that I passed them,” Junhoe pants.

“I do,” Jiwon says. “Now shut up about school,” he says, nipping at Junhoe’s collarbones. Junhoe does. Jiwon kisses his way down Junhoe’s body, tongue flicking against his nipples. He presses gentle kisses against Junhoe’s ribs, making him squirm. He dips his tongue in Junhoe’s belly button and he groans.

“Jiwon,” he protests. “Stop teasing.”

“Yes, sir,” Jiwon says with a cheeky smirk, sitting up and pulling Junhoe’s boxers down, until he can kick them off. He leans over the bedside table, and fishes out the bottle of lube they have stashed there. 

He leans over, kissing Junhoe deeply as he hitches his leg up until it’s bent to his chest. He doesn’t bother warming up the lube, and gets a surprised squeak from Junhoe. Jiwon just smiles into the kiss, as he begins to slide the first finger in. It’s not long before Junhoe is moving against him, and Jiwon slips a second finger in. The angle is perfect to rub at Junhoe’s prostate, and Junhoe gives a full body shudder. Jiwon scissors him open, nice and slow, and Junhoe can’t even kiss Jiwon back anymore, his jaw slack. Jiwon sits up.

“Can you take one more?” he asks, teasing Junhoe’s entrance. Junhoe nods, biting his bottom lip as Jiwon slips a third finger in, stretching him open even more. Junhoe whines, fucking himself on Jiwon’s fingers. “You’re so good,” Jiwon praises.

“Fuck me, please,” Junhoe begs.

“Since you asked so nicely,” Jiwon smirks, slicking himself up. He pushes into Junhoe easily, and Junhoe cries out in pleasure. Jiwon moves steadily until he bottoms out. He gives Junhoe a minute to adjust before he begins to move, pulling out slowly, and sliding back in just as slowly.

“Jiwooooooon,” Junhoe protests. “I said fuck me.”

Jiwon laughs, and pulls out again, slamming back in. Junhoe groans loud and needy, already moving in time with Jiwon’s thrusts. Jiwon lets go of Junhoe’s leg, and the other wraps his legs around Jiwon’s waist, encouraging him with heels in his back.

Junhoe grabs his dick and jacks himself off in time with Jiwon’s thrusts. He’s a moaning, panting mess, and he’s not going to last very long at this rate. Jiwon’s strong arms are on either side of his head, and Junhoe can see his muscles flexing and it’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen.

“I’m gonna come,” he whines.

“Go on, come for me baby, show me how good I fucked you,” Jiwon pants, picking up speed. Harsh moans and the sound of skin slapping fills the room, and Junhoe comes, spilling over his stomach and chest. He tightens around Jiwon, who fucks him through it, coming moments later, filling Junhoe. He takes a minute to breathe and calm down before he pulls slowly out of Junhoe. He gets up, getting a wet washcloth from the bathroom and wipes Junhoe down, then himself. He tosses it in the hamper, and collapses on the bed next to Junhoe, who turns his head for a soft kiss. 

“I love you,” he mumbles, already drifting off to sleep.

“Love you too,” Jiwon answers, brushing Junhoe’s sweaty hair off his face.

  
  
  


Junhoe aces his exams, to no one’s surprise but his own. All seven of them get good grades, and they spend the last night before going home crowded in Jiwon and Junhoe’s room. There’s alcohol, and everyone is tipsy and sentimental, clinging to each other like they’re not going to see each other weekly for the next three weeks. Junhoe is buried in Jiwon’s side, and Hanbin is in Jinhwan’s lap, kissing him senseless. Junhoe looks around the circle, from Jinhwan and Hanbin, to Chanwoo, Donghyuk, Yunhyeong, and of course Jiwon, and holds the love he has for all of them in his heart. He never imagined the way this year would go when he first met Jiwon, but he wouldn’t trade a single second of it.

He tilts his head to look at Jiwon, and Jiwon smiles at him, giving him a soft kiss. Junhoe rests his head on Jiwon’s shoulder, and smiles. He can’t wait to see what the future has in store for all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it really over? ;-; thank you guys so much for sharing this journey with me and encouraging me so mmuch it means the world to me.  
> a special shout out to renata for hyping me up  
> and a very very special thank you to skye for reading and rereading my chapter and keeping me going. i'd be lost without you

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I have nothing to say for myself


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